Year 12 - 2025/2026: Support Thread 2

[QueenMabby]

A new thread for us to keep chatting on!

Oh no @Oblomov25 that is shitty!! Hoping you get somewhere with the hospital. What a nightmare!
DD3 on the DVSLA website at 545am this morning. 25 thousand ppl in the queue!! 2 hours later she reaches the front of the queue but zero availabilty for any of the nearby test centres! So annoying. Is this what she has to do every Monday at 530am from now on? DD1 used testi app 6yrs ago during Covid and got a cancellation in a less local town & almost a year after starting to learn, but that’s bc her test kept being cancelled due to lockdowns ; DD2’s (4yrs ago) instructor booked it in good time and at the most local test centre. This new system seems nuts.

Ah it’s a hard one! I think with any DC it depends on maturity and honesty. With a DS I think I’d be concerned re fights, agro etc. If they’re sensible then I’d be pretty relaxed. I’ve 3 DDs and they’ve never had curfews but I’ve always had an indication of when they’d be home if I’m not collecting them. With DD3 who has just last week turned 17, I tend to stay up - for the other two DDs I’m in bed!!

Having said that it’s rarely much later than midnight. I insist on sharing uber. I do not allow late night solo train journeys.

@NotDonna - that sounds much worse than when DS1 booked in December . DS1 takes his test Thursday - he is going into what they call ‘Greater London ‘ we live ruralish .. I don’t have high hopes of a pass . So I shall probably be joining your DC in that queue next Monday . I would suggest she keeps checking - there will be cancellations but may not be local . If you have a manual car she can drive you may need to consider a trek . Friends DC just passed in Wales as a second attempt - they combined with a uni visit !

Testi stopped working for me a few months ago and it seemed to also block me from logging into the DVSA - DVSA asked for lots of ID to readmit us. I could then never change the date so I stayed with our original date, 5 months after booking.

I never knew the instructor can sit in the back during the test!

This seems fine. He was wandering around with his mates after midnight. This doesn’t seem sensible. I told him to get an uber. We used to do sleepovers so no one went home alone

@waitingquietly goid luck to your DC on Thursday. Is there any chance you can get to the test area for them to practice the day before? DD1 had her test 15 miles away in another town (she’d waited a year to get a test as it was covid so kept being cancelled). This was the only availability but we went twice a few days prior and did common test routes, which was useful as there’s a hideous roundabout that I made her practice umpteen times on both occasions. I can’t recall how I got the test routes - there were a LOT of routes so we couldn’t do them all but they all included the damn roundabout. She passed with zero faults!!

Agreed! I wouldn’t want them meandering the streets. I think it’s risky for lads in case there’s any aggro. For girls the concerns are different but still no loitering allowed.

We booked our driving test in Outer London as it is easier to drive there and we also did the route a few times on a weekend with DD. Her driving instructor also sat in the back of the car during the test. She passed first time, thankfully! I was never stressed about her having to retake, just about the prospect of not getting another second test soon after!
All of DD’s friends who failed recently did manage to get second test slots within a month or so though and all took whatever was available within a reasonable distance, but not local. All went and did a little practice before the second test in that area and then passed.
Obviously all entirely anecdotal.

Hi, I'm new to this thread, hope it's ok to join at this late stage. I've been finding this yr 12 stage of parenting quite stressful and so it's reassuring to read your posts and see that my DD is not the only one changing her mind every day and not listening to advice!

Hi @Eyelashesoffire - welcome. It’s never too late to join!
Is your dd doing A-levels? What is she studying?

Welcome @Eyelashesoffire I believe it's totally normal for them not to listen to a word we say!

I cannot believe we're nearly at the end of year 12, everyone else is talking about driving lessons and DD2 won't even be able to start until near the end of the summer hols.

We have started putting her in the front of the car when we drive her places so she can watch what to do - it's a start I guess. Her dad has nerves of steel with learners so he'll be doing the practice drives.

DD2 is mid mocks. I had an excruciatingly long call about which chords she got wrong and right in her Haydn 104 analysis the other night. All I can do is nod and smile. She also has a diploma exam next week so is quite stressed.

If mocks go well she's now mid picking which cambridge college she'd fancy applying to for music.

I wondered if people had thoughts on whether to go for the one you want (in her case wildly fancy and I find quite intimidating) or to try to 'game' it by picking somewhere less prestigious?

She has reasons for the fancy one - lots of music students, brilliant chamber music, has already had positive signals from the DoM about the choir, academic teacher on just the bit that interests her most, but the requirements it lists for music are far higher than most - Grade VIII theory is 'advised' for example. She doesn't have it, does do harmony classes but won't be quite that far up in them!

Her teachers disagree on whether to 'go for the one you want' and 'pick somewhere that isn't so scary'. I don't want her to think that she isn't good enough to try for the one she really wants, because if she doesn't she'll never know.

Anyone got better advice than me ? It's a long shot whichever she picks.

@achangeofnameisasgoodasarest - as far as I had understood it (but DD not doing music at all now on an academic level as apparently she “hates” theory!) some colleges just have far far higher time commitment demands on organ and choral scholars than others. And it’s important to understand the hour commitments you may be signing up to. I think DD has a friend going to eg a Trinity commitment level college for organ but he lives and breathes it and is happy to put in the hours on every front and his entire family live and breathe music. And every holiday is spent at NYO or organising music in local churches already.

@Araminta1003 thanks. Completely understand on the choral/organ commitment (not much chance on organ - she's never touched one!) but it's more about the 'getting in at all' that concerns me. Perhaps she can just rely on the pool system to work if the fancy one is a stretch too far.

Dd's problem of course is that she doesn't come from 'that' sort of family compared to your DD's friend. We very much don't live and breathe music here! On the other hand she somehow wangled her way into specialist school so maybe she'll manage this too.

@achangeofnameisasgoodasarest - I mentioned it because you mentioned choir. So I think as long as your DD would be OK with the level of commitment they expect of her and which is the norm in that college, I would be going for it. From everything you said she does live and breathe music.
The difference to me from afar for the kids whose parents are musicians seems to be that they are already good at drumming up other teens/YPs and organising concerts themselves etc Basically, the musical world to me seems entirely connections based so if you are going to do it, might as well go for the most prestigious one where there will be both the peer group and the connection from the college to the music world.
And yes, if she does not get the competitive one, hopefully the pool will pick her up anyway.

I agree with Araminta1003, the choice of college should surely be made by looking at the opportunities to get involved in music at the college and the level of commitment the student is prepared to make. It's wonderful that your DD wants to go for one of the colleges with a serious level of commitment, so I wouldn't discourage her. The experience is hers to choose and so important that she is comfortable with her decision. It would be a real pity if she applied to a different college purely just to get into Cambridge and then couldn't access the opportunities that attracted her to the University in the first place. If there is an excess of great applicants for one particular college, the pooling system takes care of that.

I also don't think there is any "gaming" to be done at the Oxbridge colleges, nor is any child disadvantaged by not having a parent or someone else in the family who has already studied a particular subject. If your daughter is at a specialist music school, she is already in a better position than other students applying for music as she is surrounded by other students passionate about music and is able to develop her musicianship by playing in ensembles - opportunities sadly lacking in the UK school system today. If the guidance is that she take Grade 8 music theory, then I would also be encouraging her to do that. Perhaps there will be support offered for that at her school?

@stringseleven thanks, we're aware that there is little support elsehwere, and that is exactly why she's at specialist school. Moved in year 10 when her school dropped music GCSE. But most of their prep for further study is for conservatoire, you'd be surprised how little for the academic music stuff. She loves both but I think wouldn't want conservatoire for her first degree.

When looking at cambridge, I think most opportunities look university wide apart from the choirs?

As for Grade VIII theory - she could work towards it, we'd probably have to pay for extra tuition for her alone. She does go to school harmony classes but they aren't one on one and I've no idea how good a use of her time getting the actual piece of paper would be against getting the best A Levels possible and focusing on that and her playing and the harmony she's already doing.

As for the level of commitment. She's used to being what I consider mindblowingly busy - when I look at her days they are often scheduled from 8am to 8pm with music and academics, and I'm not sure she ever has a free lunchtime. What I can't tell is whether that would be similar to a 'high commitment' college or whether it would need to be even more than that!

Anyhow, this is really specific and I don't want to derail this thread with this one chat! Thanks for thoughts.

@achangeofnameisasgoodasarest - your DD can ask the Director of Music exactly what the choir commitments are per week, rehearsals, Even Song, Tours, eg recordings etc for the most famous one. I guess she also needs to think about choir vs her wind instrument in terms of commitments.
As far as I understand it, Oxbridge music is theory heavy so I would probably work on it over the summer holidays this year (if she has the time). My DD will be studying for her LNAT somewhat as well as 2 weeks work experience, as well as a music tour and just one week off for holiday with her friends in Europe. It is all extremely busy now.

Wow, she will be a busy girl @Araminta1003 - i feel rather sorry for all of them to be honest. I'm sure in my day year 12 was quite low stakes. I think I just had a nice time and spent a lot of time not going to lessons.

Four mocks down, one to go here apparently.

DD2 has texted me a LOT about archbishop laud. She is a funny thing.i'm not sure if i'd get more or less detail if she lived at home. Possibly less!

“i feel rather sorry for all of them to be honest. I'm sure in my day year 12 was quite low stakes. I think I just had a nice time and spent a lot of time not going to lessons.”

Hehe @achangeofnameisasgoodasarest - I had exactly the same thoughts recently. Some of my best memories were from year 12.
However, they do also have far more energy than we do. And your DD sounds a passionate and enthusiastic delight all round.
My DD has a boyfriend who does mostly the same subjects and they revise together. I was sceptical initially, but he is very high achieving and I think it helps. She did the same with her GCSEs, always a friend in tow for revision. Now if she needs to do well to impress the boyfriend rather than me, I think I can live with that.

Some colleges have additional open auditions for their choir after you've arrived so you can audition for the choir even if you're not at that college. There's also loads of inter-collegiate music and university groups, so while singing xmas carols at King's may be on her bucket list she really won't be short of music performance opportunities whichever college she goes to.

Music has the highest offer rate of any subject at Cambridge (>50%) so if she's any good she really doesn't need to try to game the system (even if that's possible!) to get an offer. The pooling system is supposed to make it equally likely she will get an offer regardless of college choice.

@achangeofnameisasgoodasarest personally I think really important to go to a college they will feel comfortable at. Kings is going to give you a very different experience to Girton, to Trinity etc. Do they want wow factor building, in town/ out of town/ girls only/ state school v private balance (less of an issue now but was important for me from a comp back in the day a I don’t think I would have coped at Trinity with 90% private). They are distinctive communities. Unless it’s Oxbridge at all costs I would consider that. I enjoyed my time at Cambridge but that was because my college community suited me. Best of luck to her.

Just got an email saying Lancaster will offer accommodation for 10 pounds a night because DC has long journey. I think this would be brilliant for him and a mate to see how it actually feels (he has no experience of uni) but it clashes with another open day. Hopefully they will do same in the autumn if he can fit it in then. If anyone is considering Lanc and far away fyi.

Yes, any of the colleges will be happy to be clear about the level of commitment required for a choral scholar, and then the orchestras will be a few hours a week on top of that. Unlike school of course, it won't be structured and there won't be lessons all day, so I wouldn't worry about it being more pressured than her current schedule. If she has already met with a DoM, then she's got all the information she needs and it would be a shame to second-guess her conviction. Applying to Oxbridge is a lot of work and it is great that she is motivated to do it. As someone else said, the admission rate for music is quite high, and getting higher with the decrease in funding to state schools.

Grade 8 theory shouldn't be much of a stretch from the work she is doing in her A-level syllabus, depending on the examination board. There should be online resources available to cover any of the gaps. No need for expensive tutoring. The Oxbridge colleges are making significant efforts to be accessible for all students, so certainly wouldn't suggest something that only certain families could afford.

Thanks all - she's a funny mix of state/private and urban/rural so I guess the main takeaway is she'll probably be alright anywhere. Back in the day I applied entirely by accident to the best college for my subject at Oxford because it was cheap and offered three years of accom. I got in, but they were a bit baffled by my responses at interview (I was from a comp). so she is probably more ready for this than I am.

No idea whether she's actually any good but suspect she'd be nice to teach. I'll just let her get on with it then!

Great re lancaster @Bufftailed - sounds like it would be a great experience, shame about the clash but fingers crossed they'll offer that again. ANd agree, I was lucky with my college choice but know the pool system means you could end up anywhere and others were not so happy.

Ds is at Lancaster and I will say it’s been great for him. He ended up there after missing his Bath offer and deciding that he didn’t want to go to his insurance uni and it’s been the best decision he made. It seems to be a really friendly place.