Year 12 - 2025/2026: Support Thread 2

[QueenMabby]

A new thread for us to keep chatting on!

So sorry to hear that @labradorservant , I am constantly amazed how few people have plans in place. We made wills when I got pregnant and have regularly renewed them. We update our expression of wishes and asset list every year. We also have POAs in place. Do people think they are immortal?

@labradorservant- that’s very sad news and I’m sorry for your loss. I hope the funeral goes smoothly and that you and your dd are ok. She seems to have done very well on her psychology paper. 84% is an amazing result.

@Oblomov25sorry to hear you’ve been poorly. I hope you are on the mend now.

@labradorservantmy mum passed away unexpectedly in March too. I thought it was odd that she hadn’t read my WhatsApp messages. But I knew she had carers and figured they’d tell me if there was a problem. At 4.30pm I phoned her number and she didn’t reply. She’s housebound, but I still wasn’t worried as she’s not answered before. By 7pm I was getting a bit concerned. I phoned the local police and asked them to do a welfare check. I heard nothing. So phoned again 2 hours later. Still nothing. Then waited another 2 hours and phoned again. I told them I could have driven there myself in that time, I asked why they hadn’t been round there. They just said they were very busy. It was 11.30pm by that call. I had a feeling they knew something. I also knew they weren’t going to tell bad news over the phone. So I got into bed, turned the lights off, but half sat up waiting. Then at 12.20am car headlights turned into our drive. I knew it would be the police. It turns out mum was found by the carer at 11am. She was on the bathroom floor. I just hope she knew nothing about it and her heart just stopped. Why it took 13 and a half hours to get to me, I don’t know.
I am an only child. So have everything to sort. Dh and I went to her flat and started the mammoth process of sorting stuff. We are going again next week. It usually takes about 4 hours to drive there, so we are staying overnight in the area.

Ds3 has finally found a work experience placement at an opticians. He’d emailed about 30 places. He’s also been asked to do some paid tutoring at school, after school. He has one year 10 to start, she needs science tuition. Ds is getting double my just over minimum wage per hour!

@RigbyRightwe both have POA’s done too. Plus wills. I think it’s quite important.

She just about had a will! But refused to discuss death. She had cancer but if I mentioned it she would brush it off and ask if I was killing her off.
Her Idea of filing was stuffing stuff in the nearest drawer. Never throwing any paperwork out!

She was in icu but when down hill once my brother had arrived from the other side of the world.

@icanbewhatiwantsorry to hear that. I used to stalk mums what’s apps for last seen. The only plus point is she would have hated carers or a home.

@labradorservantyes mine refused to talk about death. I asked many a time where she wanted her ashes putting. She never did tell me. Mum was housebound because of her weight. She was a big girl. She’d just been in hospital with pneumonia, but other than that was seemingly healthy before. She’d had carers for many years. She really didn’t need them for many of those years. She loved having carers, especially in the past few years as it was the only people she’d see. I had finally persuaded her to move up nearer to us. I’d started to look for flats in sheltered type accommodation up here. She should have done it 10 years ago.

Yes we are just winging it really. I had a dream last night that she called to tell me she loved Michael Ball and to play him at the funeral!
But please ask parents to do POA. As she was unconscious in ICU it would have been helpful. But again that was sending her to an early grave if mentioned.
I live 2 hours from her house. My bro is going back to Oz soon. It will all fall back on me again! 🤯

@labradorservant & @icanbewhatiwant so sorry for your losses. Well done to your DS on his tutoring & opticians - is he fancying something medical?

DD has now finally got a Saturday job - probs not ideal timing as has AS’s in a 4/5 weeks. It also starts at 7am so that’ll limit any late Fridays!

@labradorservant I'm so sorry to hear this, and also @icanbewhatiwant.

Good luck to those with mocks etc. DD2 doesn't seem to have any of those yet. She has laboriously finished ONE essay this holiday. Not seen much evidence of anything else. Taking her back to school tomorrow. As always will miss her horribly, though not the mooning around leaving half eaten and half made food on every surface.

Sorry for your loss @labradorservant and @icanbewhatiwant

All the best to those with mocks. This year is flying by!!

@labradorservant I'm sorry.

I lost Dad March two years ago but it was after a long illness but very sudden decline so didn't get up there in time. It was an Easter break funeral so kids could all go but it was really hard.

Mum supposed to have sorted wills at least - after both my siblings indpendenly generously offered to inhert the main asset her house and acted outraged when she asked how they'd pay the other two their share and started laying claim to expensive items. I don't know what else she put in place as she doesn't want to discuss it. She won't move despite poor transport options as she put Dad ashes in garden.

DD2 now says all the maths and chem lessons are now revision - whether that will prompt her to do more at home unsure.

@labradorservant sorry for your loss , I lost DF quite suddenly too - the day before we had been talking arrangements for him to come home from hospital ( 5 hours from me ) - I’d even been down to clean and defrost his freezer but couldn’t visit him due to Covid rules . It’s a tough time . Just keep going and eventually you come through the other side x

Thanks. @NotDonnads had thought about something medical a while back. But most things he liked he needed biology. He said he regretted not doing it for A level. But he’s keen on the maths route instead now. He emailed mostly finance type places for work experience but couldn’t get anywhere. So I suggested our small opticians as Ds is a glasses wearer (as are dh and I but only for reading whereas Ds is short sighted) they came back with a yes. Ds will find it very interesting I’m sure. It’s only 3 days though.

If you are appointed POA you are informed, in case you wish to object. My own ddad dropped dead of a heart attack, pretty much out of the blue. A big shock but less hard emotionally than when I watched my dfil succumbing to cancer.

Some advice please wise people:

Several months ago, DD put in 5 separate applications for work experience at 5 different firms. This was via an organisation with charitable status which coordinates the placements. She meets the eligibility criteria which are basically age and availability.

She was informed that 1 placement was withdrawn and later received a rejection for another, however, that placement remained on their website as "open until suitable candidates are found" which we found odd. I checked DD's application and it was fine.

On enquiring about this and also asking when she would hear about the other 3 applications she was informed by a junior administrator that actually she had been rejected by the other 3 applications too, and they won't give feedback. Those 3 placements are also still open on their website until suitable applications are found.

If this was paid employment I could understand a rejection and them continuing to advertise for the right candidate but this is just work experience and I really can't see why DD's application is so unsuitable, in fact i thought it rather strong. I'd understand losing out to an even stronger candidate but I don't understand why the applications aren't closed.

Is there anything DD or I should do???

Sorry to read about everyone's experience of ill-health and bereavement.

@CreamBeforeJamOnScones - I think it’s a really common experience to be fair -they probably will have had many applicants and may not update their website regularly - look at Springpod for virtual work experience so she can ‘tick the box’ .

DD explicitly asked why the placements are still open on their website and they didn't address that in their response. We can see that one of the placements that she has been rejected from has been updated with a new closing date of next month so it's not an oversight. DD asked if she should reapply and they said she had been rejected.

So sorry to hear of illness and bereavements amongst threadsters

DC have really struggled to find placements too, almost all are not available to them because of various criteria so it is really frustrating. Not helped by them being really cagey and defensive when I ask. It may have to be virtual placements at this rate.

I'd be content if I knew what criteria they were using and the placements were closed, but I find it odd that they are still open. The charity's annual report alludes to prioritising disadvantage, which is absolutely fine and correct, but that's not at all clear from the application info.

I think the easiest way to secure work experience is by calling in a favour. They don’t have to work in a particular industry, just having experience of a work environment is useful.

Really frustrating. Like the world of job applications can be. Could be any number of random things. Are there other things she could apply for? Anything local?

DS’ school told me they could do work experience any time rather than a fixed week. This had not been communicated. I did get DS a day through a friend, but now he has no idea what he wants to do not sure if it is worth it. He has a job so work experience of sorts.

Update: DD escalated her request for feedback and was told that the programmes are for students who have not previously had access to similar experiences. They say that placements remain open whilst they prioritise this. This wasn't detailed on their website so we had no idea this was the case.

DD had half a day's work experience and a summer school two years ago listed on her CV which was requested as part of her application. I had no idea that having relevant experience would count against her, I thought it would be evidence of commitment to the sector.