End of Year 13: Results, Summer and plans for September and onwards

[Rollergirl11]

Noticed the current thread is almost full so thought I better start a new one for discussing results day and our DC’s plans for uni/gap years or anything else!

It’s a bit of a balancing act at the moment isn’t it @Lightsabre. DD is very quick to point out that she’s an adult and can make her own choices but purely when it suits her. She still very much wants me to pick up the slack on the boring life admin tasks that she can’t be bothered with. Ie making doctor, dentist, optician appointments, ordering contact lenses, putting in repeat prescriptions, buying her toiletries when they run out. These are all part and parcel of being an adult and things they need to be able to do.

While on the subject, have people thought about whether they will change their GP surgery to be local to their university? I’m sure they are pros and cons but we haven’t thought it through properly yet.

Changing their surgery is a bit of a faff. We did and then dd got tonsilitis and glandular fever whilst at home in early January. The GP here wouldn't see her and it was going to take a few days to re-register with them. We went via 111 to the hospital etc and eventually she got diagnosed, but it was a pain. She's now registered at the home GP and has had telephone consultations with them about various issues when she's been away. They send her regular prescriptions to a pharmacy near her uni house.

Also, dd tends to get anxious and stressy about things, and can suddenly dip into depression. She's very sociable though and has loads of friends. There have been some tricky times over the last two years, but being only an hour and a quarter away has helped (as has having a car this last year to come home and decompress whenever she wants).

I do think we throw a lot at them all at once and expect them to manage and in hindsight we think dd would have benefited from a gap year. She didn't want to be left behind though, so I don't think we'd have persuaded her.

I'm glad the GP has been mentioned. We were wondering this too, but DC has a great GP we don't want to lose, so I think we'll stick with our own and not change. Same with the dentist.

Our DC is also this mix of child and adult. Child when maybe they're ill and, very occasionally, still want a hug, and then adult with friends. We've stressed to them that they're going away and living their own life, but home with us is ALWAYS home and there's nothing we can't tackle together. Help (and macaroni cheese) is always available at home.

DS will change GP but keep dentist and optician at home. He has a couple of long term conditions and multiple regular medications so I think it will be better to be registered with a GP locally. If he is ill when he is at home I think it would be easier to navigate getting seen by someone than him trying to deal with the same situation alone at University. Plus his first choice University is in Scotland so (currently 🤞) free prescriptions with no hoops to jump through!

Was erring towards DD remaining at our GP for reasons already given and having prescriptions sent to a local pharmacy and her using a walk-in centre for anything else when she’s at uni. But part of the wellbeing services on offer at her firm choice are regular free talking therapies and DD responds well to therapy sessions when she’s struggling. But you have to be registered with a local GP to access this.

I'll be going through having a DC leaving home for uni for the second year in a row as DS is going into second year. He has a long term health condition which was diagnosed just before he started uni and for which he’s been hospitalised a couple of times. His care for that is here but he has registered with a GP in Newcastle. Don’t think he’s actually been there at all although has had prescriptions prescribed but in case he did need some not so urgent care and knowing he’s only around an hour away and the IBD team is here (and hospital if he has to he admitted again) means for him that works.

He's also surprised me with being capable of dull admin tasks - turns out if he needs to then he can (and still turns into a lazy whatnot at home 😃).

DD is in Oxford seeing grandparents (went straight there after she and I got back from seeing some Olympics in Paris) and is planning a trip to Edinburgh next Thursday to I think Saturday to visit a friend who’s working at the Fringe Festival so this lessens the chances of me saying anything wrong to do with exam results!

Thanks Rollergirl

DD was just asking me about GP yesterday and I said to move to university one as it used to be could still see local one and be counted as a visitor. Our local one is very poor and different person each time and as its in a village its still like its 1950 and also a different doctor each time and anything deemed non-urgent is a months wait then normally can't help. But if you have a good service at home must be harder though do want DD to be able to access counselling etc there if needed, maybe check with GP at home to see if they can still see if move. I think they should be able to as people on holiday can see though maybe that is via 111 but here 111 is far better than GP. She does have migraine meds but should be easy enough to swap over.

DD has been fairly cheerful but when DH was away for 8 days in France and I was here with the kids and cat she didn't really like any conversation just seemed to want to game. She has only worked one more day recently and also said she was forcing her boyfriend to go to Toby carvery which is about an hour from here. He is from private school and his ex's family apparently had a £1 million second home and I think DD is sometimes being a bit of a lack of culture shock to them but they seem very happy together, whether it survives different unis who knows.

DD is making a few strange comments so think she's slightly on edge just like you are wearing black are you going to a funeral you look like you are. 🤔Just ignoring them but she is mostly lovely and so much better than in GCSE period.

Re GP. Just be wary and check if you swap to uni area GP that your local GP will accept you back as a temporary resident.

Ours wouldn’t and we had to swap DS back. This however was the least of our worries.

He needs an operation for which he needed a referral. NHS Scotland and NHS England do not accept each others referrals for booking - despite both insisting “yes it’s fine” (different number of digits, computer says no) so despite having a referral from GP in Scotland this didn’t work for an operation in England. The local GP wouldn’t accept any temporary residence patients so we had to swap him back to the local GP, then get a new English referral before his operation could even be requested. Just that process took about 2 months.

Very envious @MirandaWest , we have been watching a lot of the Olympics.

DD will probably keep her home medical registrations. She's coming to the end of braces (hopefully off before she starts) and partway along a mental health road. So combined with the option of phone/video consultations, free prescriptions and ongoing treatment, makes sense for her not to change, for the first year at any rate.

I'm an interloper on this thread as y'all may recall my DD did her exams last year. Though it doesn't affect her uni career at all, she will find out the final marks for her Art Foundation year (I think it's fail/pass/merit/distinction) on August 15. @Lightsabre even I at the grand age of 62 get snappish when anxious (and tired)! I think as September approaches everyone is getting a bit antsy about the changes. At 19 my DD is just that much more ready and has more experience 'adulting'.
Meantime we have been away (first real holiday since the pandemic) and she's had a few hospital appointments, though annoyingly her neurological consultant cancelled one last week due to illness and the rebooked appointment is for August 2025! She has one scheduled for December (booked last year) though but I was a bit unimpressed by that! So she hasn't really looked for a job for this summer despite encouragement. But she's so frugal money is not a driver for her and she hopes to get a term time job. She does have a bit of a Vinted addiction and said (to her horror) she spent almost £30 this week, though as that was for three sweaters, two skirts and a suede jacket not bad! She also bagged a stunning but simple evening dress the week before in anticipation of those formal dinners at Durham. She will have to pack wisely though!
I've been wondering about her GP too @Rollergirl11. Her meds are delivered direct from manufacturer as too temperature sensitive and valuable to go through the GP, and wondering if it's more hassle than it's worth as she'll be home as much as away. Durham provides a link to preregister with the GP that covers the colleges. But what happens during the summers? They don't then reregister back home? I'll check the temporary residency thing @SooperOuting - good idea.

Thank you @TenSheds and @Rollergirl11

DD had several years of self-harming, including during first year of A levels. We’ve gone through some very rough times, including not eating when v anxious and having a very low weight, and school refusing and not leaving the house during the pandemic.

Her SEND has meant she had to change school and sixth form a few times to find one that could meet her needs, even though she’s always been in mainstream school. She has an EHCP. She has ASD, ADHD, anxiety, Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder and a physical health issue that’s mostly resolved.

She had a year out during her A levels for health reasons and partly school refusing, and went to a new place for Yr 13 to do her A levels in a year. She worked during that time and the time out did her a lot of good.

She’s been in a good place recently, and I was very impressed with how she managed the stress of the exam period. She was very calm and took it in her stride.

Like you Rollergirl I’m worried about her and her breaking up at university during a time of great upheaval. I’m so sorry you’ve been the ok go that with your daughter.

DD did take Sertraline for her anxiety but it gave her upset stomachs continually, and she came off it. She has started the pill though as treatment for her PMDD.

Shes also incredibly independent and capable and social. But her vulnerability and dark times in the past mean I can’t help but be anxious!

So sorry to hear your DD has had such a difficult time Writer - she has done well to get through GCSEs and A levels.

Re doctors I just did a search and found this (random one)
https://www.homerton.cam.ac.uk/sites/default/files/2021-10/registering_with_a_cambridge_gp.pdf

Though healthcare is devolved so if moving from Scotland / Wales / England would check situation. But this is saying can be temporary resident at home if register at university GP though great GPs with good availability are like gold dust now so if we had that I would be reluctant to move. DD just has migraine meds so pretty simple.

Dd also needs to think about whether to change. She has quite a recent diagnosis and has another hospital appointment next week so her current gp is not fully up to speed at the moment. She is eligible for DSA and needs to make an appointment to discuss needs/purchases etc.

Checking in after a few months off mumsnet. Under two weeks to go…

DS has a plan for the 15th that involves first checking the EdExcel maths grade boundaries (he thinks he knows roughly what he got in terms of marks and thinks this will help frame the rest of the day - personally can’t see the point but it’s his call), and then waiting for UCAS updates and the results email from school. He thinks he’ll then go in, either to celebrate or ask for advice.

His first choice and reserve unhelpfully only differ by one grade (AAA vs AAB) but I’m hoping the reserve (York) might have a bit more flex. His first choice is Oxford and he’s going to be devastated if he misses it - up to now he’s been fairly sanguine about not getting in but yesterday he mentioned retakes etc which makes my heart sink. We shall see. Its been a really hard year for all of us (his dad got a cancer diagnosis late last year and is having chemo) and I think it would be really good for him to spread his wings, even though we will both miss him so much.

Two questions -

How do remarks work? I assume we’d get advice from the his school, and we tell the university in question what we are doing? Are there any things we should look out for?

His reserve is York. He has done all the accommodation forms but I know he’s lower priority than those who have it as their first choice. Does anyone have experience of going to York under those circumstances in terms of what accommodation you end up with?

Take care all.

Hmmm, new worry unlocked: discovered DD has not applied for accommodation at her insurance (Edinburgh). They guarantee a room for all as long as you apply by the deadline... which was end of July😣I assumed you couldn't apply for accom if insurance, she says there wasn't the option to apply via her student login, but this will have been a while ago and she won't check again. Argh!

@TenSheds it's not usual to be able to book accommodation at insurance, and it's only in the last couple of years that you could book at Edi before place was unconditional (ie results day) - this was the case for dd1 in 2020. So hopefully will work out (and you'll get your firm choice!). Dd3 was a bit slow in registering g for hers and so has a slot on the Fri afternoon to book hers if she gets in (Lough). I'm trying hard not to be annoyed that she will have less choice as a consequence! Have managed not to mention it, just glad that she did eventually register.

I thought her only plan B was a gap year (she only has her firm engineering offer as others were for German so she chucked them all) but in counselling a panicking friend she has seen that her course is in clearing as are a number of other engineering ones - some with foundation year if lack of maths is an issue) and after nearly a month in Canada realises she could make good use of a gap year if it came to it. So much more plan B than I thought!

Plan B (plan A has always the gap year) hasn't even been roundly entertained here, as yet. DD is busy 'manifesting' a Russell Group uni as her preferred choice when she reapplies to UCAS, with grades in hand. However, that does rather presuppose that she does better than expected (not a given). She's very aspirational but without necessarily having the drive to see ambitions through to fruition, if that makes sense.

Thought she was quite chilled about Results Day but turns out she already had anxiety dreams involving mediocre results. The trick will be to keep her occupied over the next 10 days. She's off to the cinema with DS (temporarily back home for a few weeks) tonight which will be a good tonic. Most of her friends seem to be on back-to-back holidays at the moment, so she's not socially as busy as ideally she would be (she definitely needs the distraction!).

She's working part-time (zero hours contract). However, as she still considers herself to be on 'school holidays', she's not overdoing shifts at the moment (averaging two a week!), despite always being able to find things to spend her earnings on!

@WobblyLondoner remarks aren't really a thing now. Aren't they reviews of marking? I'd personally only really consider paying for them (burnt £££ doing them for DS in the past) IF the teachers recommend doing so. Otherwise, it can be a costly and disappointing exercise. I believe it's possible to request to see the papers first so that the teachers can decide whether they think it's worth paying for a review. I'm actually against the whole system because as with many things in education, it favours those with the money to pay for reviews. I have seen some people report that schools pay the cost but I don't think that's usual, particularly in the state sector where most are so cash-strapped already.

I had a panic reading posts about accomodation at insurance choices. I have no idea if DS has done anything about that - he hasn't mentioned it - and he is at work today so I can't ask him. It hadn't occurred to me that that needed doing as my DD's course was audition dependent rather than her A levels really mattering and DS1 deferred for a year so we didn't have to really consider insurance for either of them. Hopefully DS is onto it! I've just checked his insurance's website though and it says the deadline for guaranteed accommodation is 31st August so it should be ok even if he hasn't done anything yet.
I really just want it over now to be honest. I think I'm twitchier than DS. He's got quite a busy couple of weeks coming up with shifts at work, plans with friends, and a few days before results day he's volunteering at a sports coaching event and he's going to be assisting a former world number 1 so I think he's more excited/nervous about that than his results! Probably a good thing really.

I think ds must actually be nervous (very unusual for him) as he had a dream about the results - they were given their marks one paper at a time and then they had to work out the grades for themselves!😂It sounded quite stressful...

@WobblyLondoner what time will your ds' school send emails out? From memory, dd could have had them by email, but she'd have had to wait until the afternoon/evening. I think once he's heard from UCAS, good or bad, he'll want to hurry up and get the results rather than try to work them out from grade boundaries 😂

I'm actually relieved that I'm picking them up, because I'll just be able to get up and go when I'm ready rather than waiting on him. Although I don't think I actually know when the school is opening.

My DS is very chill about it all, I seem to be thinking about it way more than he is. His college email the results and they say it should be between 8.30 and 9.30 so hopefully not too long to wait. Still I'm sure I will be encouraging him to log into UCAS at 8am (is it 8am?) to see what has happened there. Also there is a separate website he can log into for his STEP results so he may even do that first. At the beginning of next week I'm going to get him to register on the STEP results website and relogin to his college email (as I think it has probably logged him out through inactivity) so everything will be ready for Thursday morning.

My son’s school is opening at 8am. They are saying results will be emailed later that day but I wouldn’t be surprised if you can access them through the parent portal from 8 as well as this is what happened with GCSE’s.

@MrsAvocet no accomodation organised for insurance here either, they only opened it to those who firmed, which I think is normal. Ds hears results by email, school rather sadly told them not to go in.

Ds school is a physical pick up. There will be teachers on hand to assist with clearing if needed apparently.

He got an email from his insurance to pick accommodation some time ago but only looked and actioned it last week. We were also a bit late putting in the student loan application so I hope his tuition fee is paid on time.

DC has to go into school at 9am. I'll go in and skulk (wobble) at the back of the hall and try to read their reaction.