Y12 2023/24 - support, discussion and looking after each other

[BonjourCrisette]

GCSEs are over and we are beginning the next stage. Let's hope it's a bit less stressful than this summer has been! All welcome to discuss, share experiences and support each other as our children move into Y12/BTECs/apprenticeships and start a new phase.

One of my DS’s is exactly the same, he has more traits than my DS who has a diagnosis. A lot of his friends are ND and initially thought he was. He masks all the time and doesn’t like asking if he can use his ear defenders in class as he doesn’t have a diagnosis.
I actually found diagnosis to be invaluable for one of my DC’s. It completely changed the way the school treated him, in a good way, and explained his struggles and behaviour. Even now that he has his first job, if has helped him to explain why he may be uncomfortable in certain situations to his employers.

@Sadtimes1 its interesting the diagnosis thing I find as my child is the quiet “fawn-mute” type when overwhelmed so it was always “oh she’s not That bad is she..” never quite believing us even with a formal diagnosis because she wasn’t throwing chairs around the room or causing a fuss / bad behaviour (just hiding in the toilets quietly self harming) sigh..until she could no longer go to school. It’s helped us as parents I think more to try to advocate for her needs but the school system isn’t meeting them so we are now instead.

Hello both just had a couple of.mad days catching up on stuff. Your thoughts on neurodiversity are really interesting and I'm sorry your DC have had such a hard time. Dd has spoke to maths teacher who seems to think she maybe allowed to continue with extra classes, as the result os very different form her others. Chem has come back just off an a which has cheered her up. We had a chat about what went wrong basically she.hasnt been getting her extra time in class tests got a d on the one before the exam as she couldn't finish. Or focus worrying about this and then in the exam.went in with very high anxiety saw the first challenging question and lost it. On explains this to her teacher was told well the extra time in class shouldn't make that much difference! DH an ex teacher had to be talked down from a formal complaint when her heard that. Teacher obviously had little understanding of additional needs. We will have to have a meeting with college to discuss her next moves apparently, belive me this will all be mentioned. Currently she wants to continue with maths and would he happy to do the mandatory extra classes were they go over year 12 stuff. We will be asking for a change of teacher and I'm looking for a tutor if we get the ok. I've also asked her to contact the college councillors re her anxiety. She apparently shook all chemistry as she new they were getting results at the end of the lesson

I hope the college keep supporting @jamimmi she sounds like an amazing young lady who with the right support will thrive. The being thrown by the tough question scenario & anxiety taking over sounds very familiar. We’ve had to do endless repetition reassurances that’s it’s normal to fail or you can’t learn new stuff, it’s normal to not know all the answers it’s how you learn …and then having the courage to move on, oh it’s so hard supporting this stuff when the world feels black n white but it’s all just a blob of grey really and no one’s perfect all the time. My eldests grades have veered from A* to E on various tests this year it’s been very topic driven so I’m just hoping she’s averaged out enough to stay on track to do her second year!

@jamimmi I am so pleased that your DD did well in her Chemistry exam that should give her a boost 😃. It’s awful the way some educational settings don’t understand SEN. I would make a complaint and make sure everything is in place for next years exams.

@SummerChilling my DS was THAT child in school, causing chaos and not conforming. it still took him until year 10 to get a diagnosis. School kept asking for him to be referred but then didn’t mark him high enough to get a diagnosis 🙄. He was also misdiagnosed in year 5. My DS in sixth form now doesn’t have a diagnosis but is very much a child who just masks and goes mute if overwhelmed. I haven’t even attempted to ask for a diagnosis for him. His other brother is in the process of getting diagnosed.

@Sadtimes1 it definitely did. We will be attending the meeting with her and making very clear our thought's on the matter. I had wanted her to go to our other local college who I know are better ( her brothers dyslexia was picked up by then in 3 weeks) at this but due to travel issues and all her friend going to hers she refused. I did warn her. We will see what they say.

Good luck with the meeting, @jamimmi . It sounds like you are doing everything you can right now.

@jamimmi Hope that it all goes well and that you get the issues resolved.

@BonjourCrisette @Sadtimes1 thanks both. We have contacted college as lots of bits came.out over the weekend. She has a meeting with learning support tomorrow and we helped her right notes tonight as her mind is just going blank . She is actually feeling better in herself as she is feeling heard I think. No date for school meeting but she has another math teacher this week as hers is off. I got a message saying I understood them, and it made sense, they explained why we do it ! apparently, this isn't normally the case and the teacher just demos the maths question on the board. I and very unimpressed as for DH a few choice word regards the fitness of some staff to teach came out. Hopefully a meeting date tomorrow as only 3 weeks of term left

Hope everyone’s doing well. Year 12 mocks now behind us and at the weekend I took DS to his first open day, which was useful. Next one on Saturday then I think he’ll go to a couple in London on his own, staying with family.

@jamimmi - hope your meeting is useful when you have it. Sounds like you have got a lot of difficult stuff to wade through.

Post mocks, it's open day season here too - one last weekend, two this weekend and one the week after. We are keeping premier inn in business! (Too far from virtually everywhere to do any in a day.) DD has ruled out London as too expensive, which is a bit of a relief, and one place less to visit this summer.

AS levels done and it’s gone very quiet at college lessons being cancelled at short notice. But there’s a EPQ seminar today so she’s going to that. I’m in two minds about EPQs after reading some feedback online other groups. It’s a lot of effort for maybe a one grade reduced offer whereas focusing on nailing your target grades maybe a better use of time if your not a straight A student. Plus I was surprised she’s arranged independently some related work experience/observational related to what she wants to study, as college finishes at end of June here. We still have a busy month of sports training & a huge competition in July to clear then hopefully some down time in August.

Yes, just reading back a bit (I turned my notifications off so missed those updates) - I hope the meeting goes well, @jamimmi and that you get some sense of where to go from here.

@thewalrus Agreed on London being expensive for non-residents these days - both of us studied there, though, so we feel it ought to at least be an option. But if he does he'll definitely need a part-time job.

Otherwise he'll most likely be going north (we're in the SW) and we're spreading out our visits between now and September so as not to be travelling all the time. We've done our furthest flung one though - six hours back from Durham last weekend - so it's all downhill from here.

At DS' sixth form they have to do four A-levels or an EPQ or volunteering so he's currently planning to do one. I suppose he may not actually do it in the end if he doesn't need it - his call. I think it would be good experience though since he's very maths-based with no essay subjects at the moment.

Hope the training goes well @SummerChilling

Hello all reporting back @Sadtimes1. you reminded me I hadn't @thewalrus! In brief things now improved, biology was an A and report came back predicted double A with max effort for science and D for maths with minimum effort. Rang her mentor not impressed and had a very long chat, despite what maths teacher had said no meeting needed as predicted still a d. We asked for a meeting any way. I have to say her Pastoral.mentor had been great. Definitely alternative math teacher and referral for counselling re anxiety. We also are seeking a possible maths tutor tonight. Hopefully it will all come together and she wants to go to open days at Lancaster & york the next 2 weeks!

Sounds promising @jamimmi Glad things are moving forwards.

@jamimmi That does all sound promising, and glad you've got some good support. It's exciting and positive that she's able to look ahead and focus on open days. Hope they are fun and useful!

Oh interesting all the open days. Ds gone back after study leave and they want all draft application done by end of term. Nightmare for ds has he is really still not sure and is not rushing to go to open days. We have only done one and have Nottingham planned for September. No idea how he will come up with 5!!!

Do the school insist they put down all 5 at once? It's relatively common particularly for early applicants to start with 3-4 choices then add the others in January before the deadline once they know if they need a safer choice or can go for another aspirational choice. If he's got later open days that could be a good option

yes i think they will want all 5. It was so much easier with elder ds as he had a set plan. We had Leeds put in the mix last night which was positive but odd as ds has not wanted to be in a big city.

@mumonthehill if you have Nottingham in the mix, Leeds won't feel too different - I can vouch for both!

We have ds's first open day tomorrow (Liverpool) - and Sheffield in a few weeks - then probably the rest in autumn (Lancaster, Newcastle and others undecided!)

@jamimmi glad things are improving and good luck finding a suitable tutor

@Monstermunchy thats interesting as elder ds just finishing Nottingham trent and has loved it. Leeds seems bigger in my head but great if similar as it may suit ds as he has liked going up to visit Nottingham.

Leeds has a compact city centre, similar to Nottingham - students often live Headingley direction so you could avoid being in the city and spend more time on the outskirts, if you wanted to. But as a city, it's great - lots going on, whatever you like doing, and it's a very green city with lots of parks!

Glad your elder ds has enjoyed NTU - I'm from Nottingham but went to Leeds Uni (and I'm still here!)

More Leeds-love here - we went to the open day last weekend and thought it was great. (I'm biased having grown up in Leeds, but I haven't been there for 25 years and had never been to the university.) The campus had a really nice feel to it - it's right in/next to town, but also feels quite self-contained. DD couldn't quite believe how close we were to the city centre when we walked in afterwards. The areas that students tend to live in (Hyde Park/Headingley) are vibrant and a nice mix of students and locals. I think it'll definitely make the five here!