Y12 2023/24 - support, discussion and looking after each other

[BonjourCrisette]

GCSEs are over and we are beginning the next stage. Let's hope it's a bit less stressful than this summer has been! All welcome to discuss, share experiences and support each other as our children move into Y12/BTECs/apprenticeships and start a new phase.

@MoFoFlo great news. Well done to your dd.

Ds just messaged with his mock results and they were not a disaster. Work to do but am happy and he is relieved! Good luck to those sitting them this month.

Joining if that's alright - I posted a few times on the GCSE thread last year...

My DS has autism and really struggles with motivation - to me he seems depressed but suffers quite a bit with anxiety; he has what looks like panic attacks every few weeks (can't seem to identify a trigger), is getting quite obsessed with germs/handwashing/panics about food being properly cooked and getting sick. He's terrified of being sick or anyone else vomiting to the point he starts pacing, shaking uncontrollably and panics at even the sound of someone coughing.

Anyway... He got through his GCSEs but with mostly 5 and 6s and a couple of 7s, which I admit I was disappointed with as he was in the top set and I do think he was capable of doing better, it's just his motivation to do anything other than game that's the problem! He was also disappointed as he didn't get a high enough grade in Chemistry to take it at A-level so had to switch to History along with Maths and Physics.

He's only predicted Ds for his a-levels and is beating himself up about it, saying he doesn't understand much in his lessons, is finding it harder than he thought, etc.

Does anyone think it's it worth trying for an EHCP or is that pointless at his age? He's never had one as he didn't seem to struggle until he hit Yr10 and then the school weren't really on board with the idea of applying, which put me off.

I mentioned his anxiety to the GP a few weeks ago and they said he's too young for medication, which confused me as I'm sure I've read on here about 16 year olds on anxiety medication?

I think I'm just joking for advice on where to start with helping him; since he got his autism diagnosis a few years ago we've been left to it and I admit I dropped the ball a bit, thinking he was fine and capable. Now it seems to be crumbling and I'm desperate to help him but not sure whether that should be trying to push for CAMHS appointments, anxiety medication, and EHCP from school, all or none of those!
So any advice much appreciated if possible!

PS - have his parents evening tonight; should I mention his struggles and bring up the EHCP thing to see what they say?

Tia.

@Crazybengalcats have you mentioned an ehcp to your son ? If he's aware then I think you should ask at parents evening.

@NCTDN not recently but I have in the past. He seems fine with the idea...

Hiya, just wanted to say I'm just off out but could be talking about my son! And will reply in more detail later or happy to PM you.
My son has asd traits, hadn't had diagnosis but have a diagnosis of ocd which often is around contamination. He got exactly the same results as your son too, capable of more too. I wrote a while back but so hard to get him out of bed, the worries just hit him.
My son is on medication since 14 which has helped significantly but going through a more difficult time again at present. X

@Crazybengalcats I don't think there's a downside in at least trying any of the things you have mentioned. CAMHS has long waiting lists but there is no harm in trying for that, for an EHCP or testing anxiety meds to see if they work. I think you probably need to make it crystal clear how much he is struggling to both school and GP and keep asking for action. I personally know of 16 year olds who have had medication for both anxiety and OCD (which the handwashing etc brought to mind). It might be too late for parents' evening but you can still request a meeting with school to discuss this some other time. And absolutely book a GP appointment and see where you get - maybe a different GP since whoever you saw before seems not to have been helpful?

DD was diagnosed with anxiety in Y2 when she was 7 and, although things have improved since then, I know how hard it can be. Sending you all the good wishes and strength I can muster!

My DS2 is very similar - ASD, anxiety, panic attacks, couldn’t take Chemistry.

We ended up going private psychiatry to start him on medication as CAMHS were not helping. He is still on a low dose but we've already seen improvements - his mood is noticeably better and he's reading a book for pleasure which probably last happened when he was 6!

I'm going to apply for an EHCP and we had a private OT assessment before Christmas as I already know the school will not be helpful.

My DS1 has an EHCP . He's 18 and he'll get another year at his specialist college then probably an internship type thing after that. I'd say they're more valuable post 16 when education isn't compulsory in the same way, and providers can just kick off course and the LA is under no obligation to step in.

I am feeling so down at the moment. My DC is on ASD and doing Level 2 ICT certi. In one of the open evening last year college said, its equivalent to 4 GCSEs. Then they said its 1 or 1 and half !! Today had a quick meeting with one of the teacher and they said DC is trying their best etc etc, then said what is next Year's plan? I was been told last year that depending on grades DC can do either extended dip. equivalent to 3A levels or 2A levels. Now teacher is asking about other plans. It means DC is not doing well. In some mocks DC scores 70 or above and others 50. Then teacher said we will review after exams which are in 2 weeks' time. It is so difficult.

That sounds very challenging @Hopeforb what does your DC want to do? My youngest is autistic and we are now taking a home Ed path for secondary after MS school has failed but I’ve been surprised how many varied options there are to get to GCSEs. Are there any other college / online mix options then onto an apprenticeship?

@Hopeforb what I forgot to say was because we’ve removed the “demands” of physical school my child is much happier to learn at a pace that suits them because they are not overwhelmed by their sensory needs as much.

Hello.
How did the parents' evening go, @Crazybengalcats ? I hope it was useful. I don't have any personal experience of this, but I read a lot about neurodiversity and anxiety through my work. I'd say it's definitely worth trying all the avenues you've mentioned. It's not too late to set up an EHCP. Also, I know of several instances where the school/college has been able to implement a lot of the things on the EHCP before it is granted, so it would definitely be worth trying to work with them on it.
I think this is a difficult stage - even for those of us whose kids are finding things relatively straightforward. It's hard to know how much to be involved, how and when to step in etc. Sending solidarity to those who are finding it difficult at the moment.

I agree, @thewalrus. It's such a time of change - going from GCSEs to A-levels, Btecs, apprenticeships, or something else – there's a real step up in difficulty, while at the same time starting to think about what to do next. It's all coming up quickly and at the same time they're getting ever closer to being an adult and the responsibilities that come with that – it's no wonder if they are stressed and anxious, and I'm sure they all are, to a greater or lesser extent.

@SummerChillingthank you. My DC is much happier in college than he was in secondary school - in particular GCSE was extremely demanding. DC can go for apprenticeship but considering what teachers said last year DC was happy to continue BTEC. Even though focus/concentration is as issue DC still enjoys the course and that's worrying because change will be difficult. I will speak to college's career adviser as well. I missed upon options on GCSE because DC got formal diagnosis just few months before final exams and still doesn't have EHCP

It’s worth having a good chat with the Sendco at the college even without an EHCP. We secured all my child’s “support / reasonable adjustments” with a diagnosis but no EHCP and to be honest it didn’t make any difference once it was secured as in our case it was too late but worth asking what they can put in place.

Yes I was thinking if for next few months they can provide 1-1 support in class. They all.complain about funding!

It's worth seeing if your college has anything can put into place for your ds @Hopeforb , anything would be better than nothing and may be helpful.

For those struggling with a move to college, I did a levels at my school 6th form so very much a school environment. University completely blindsided me as I was left to work on my own and plan my own time. It was a scary step up. Took a couple of terms to adjust.

Dd has gone away to college today in Coventry this time not back till Thursday night. I'm more chilled this time as she has made friends with the other 8 students and they have an active group chat and have already made plans for the week.
She passed her probation, is doing well and loving being a mechanic. Her mentor even told her he would miss her this week.

@Rowgtfc72 yes its good idea to speak to college. I will go in person this week.

Its great your Dd is enjoying her course and has made friends. Best wishes to her.

My DS is in a similar situation. He is severely dyslexic and college refused to let him do his chosen extended diploma (eq 3 A levels), as he failed English. He has ended up doing level 2 IT alongside his English retake. He has no idea what he now wants to do next. He is on the waiting list for assessment of ASD/ADHD, the college wanted me to get an EHCP but I haven’t attempted this yet. I haven’t heard from the college since Oct when we had a parent’s evening. I keep asking my son about courses for next year but he has no idea and not much interest either. I am not sure when he has to enrol by? I am hoping he passes his English retake 🤞🤞.
It’s not easy and some of BTEC courses lead to very little chance of a job, as I found out with my older son.
Good luck, I hope that you find something suitable for your DC. Apprenticeships sometimes seem the best way to go but my son applied for loads and didn’t even get an interview.

@Sadtimes1 my DC talks about extended dip (3A levels) but just cannot work hard and does not understand concept of revision because on ASD. Other than that DC has no clue for any courses. Apprenticeship is a choice but hoping to keep DC in educational set up till 18 years particularly when DC likes the college. Applied for EHCP last October but no reply as yet. Keep pushing CAMHS for assessment.
If your DS likes to volunteer, it will help. I would also suggest to keep in touch with teachers ( I know they don't like it because colleges are supposed to be more independent but at the end we need to support our DCs) Two days back I spoke to other teacher of DC and yesterday went to college's career adviser. Both of them seem quite positive and said there is always some course college can offer related to what DC is doing now. I understand its difficult with BTEC courses and specially with our DCs having SN but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Good luck to DS for English retake and for ASD assessment and also to your older Ds for a job.

@Hopeforb thank you for your reply. My DC has no interest in anything apart from gaming. He wouldn’t be interested in volunteering. Like your DC, my DS has no concept of revision, he has never been able to do work at home. Whether this is because he compartmentalises or that he is just too exhausted after a day of learning, due to his severe dyslexia, I am not sure. I will try and contact the college next week, I asked to have contact with the English teacher several times but the college didn’t respond. I should prob apply for an EHCP but this is my second time dealing with a child with SN going through the system and it all gets a bit overwhelming at times.

@Sadtimes1 I feel for you. It can be quite exhausting. There are some IT courses related to gaming. When I saw Career advisor in college, I also spoke to LS staff. They said as EHCP takes long time, in the meantime they can get college's Educational Psychologist to observe DC in class and arrange in class support before exams. Hopefully they get this done ASAP. You can request too. Good luck and look after yourself.

@Sadtimes1 dd didn't actually apply for any apprenticeships, she just put her cv out and spoke to hr people.
Are there any businesses your ds would like to work for? Anything gaming related?
She got her apprenticeship because the boss liked the fact she had the balls to ask. She's bright but hates anything academic and does struggle to apply herself but doing something she enjoys has 100% helped.

@Hopeforb thank you. I hope that the Ed psych arranges support for you DC. I think my DS has some support as he had quite a lot in school due to severe dyslexia. When I spoke to his teacher in Oct she had already noticed his social issues as well.
@Rowgtfc72 thank you, that’s great to hear. Brilliant that she has found something that she enjoys. I wish my DS had that much initiative, both DC’s seem to need a lot of support in finding any courses or looking for work/apprenticeships.
Tbh the college is not the best but both DC much prefer it to school.

@Sadtimes1 dds just come back from her week at college in Coventry. Her first words were- thank god I'm not doing a college course.
She fidgets, chats and can't organise her time or self
Apprenticeship is definitely working.

We did wonder about attention deficit disorder. She's learning, slowly, how to organise herself. I agree she'd struggle with college.

Hope your ds gets sorted.