Y12 2023/24 - support, discussion and looking after each other

[BonjourCrisette]

GCSEs are over and we are beginning the next stage. Let's hope it's a bit less stressful than this summer has been! All welcome to discuss, share experiences and support each other as our children move into Y12/BTECs/apprenticeships and start a new phase.

Sorry to hear that @spiderlight . Thinking of you x

@Rowgtfc72 sounds an amazing start for your dd. @spiderlight sorry to hear that.

@spiderlight I've not read enough to know if it's the same cause, but my DD has social anxiety and is really struggling to settle in to college even though she loves the course. The anxiety causes her sickness too. It must be so tough all round just now. Thinking of you

@spiderlight Hope your DS is doing OK, and you too.

Can't believe it is nearly half-term already - in many ways it still feels like they have just started.

DD largely back to her usual cheerful and competent self. They are going on a residential next week (for the volunteering bit of the IB) and messages are flying around about what they're going to cook/how they're going to use their meal budget. She got a place on the heavily-oversubscribed 'big trip' to Mozambique next year as well so generally things are all feeling pretty positive.

@beansoup - I think my DS does have some social anxiety. He's fine when he's with his friends, and he's made some nice new friends in his group, but he hates talking to people, especially adults, one-to-one (he's exactly like me!). I talked to him recently about getting some counselling or speaking to a GP about it and he's thinking about it. He was incredibly chatty with everybody when he was younger so it's not nice seeming him like this. He's been in every day this week though and he seems happier, touch wood.

Glad he’s feeling a bit better @spiderlight - hope you are too.

DD is very much enjoying college and course which is such a relief after pretty awful secondary school years and a difficult time getting her through GCSEs. So proud of her though - she gets the train and sorts herself out and even didn’t panic when she somehow ending up on the wrong train in the wrong direction! Her anxiety and another issues haven’t gone away but we’ve recently had some context to this so hopefully will help. I’m encouraged by the support from college though - she was very worried about missing college when she had a very painful dental abscess the other week but they were very supportive.

I hope everyone’s DC get to enjoy a bit of a break over half term.

It's so nice to know about our DC slowly getting used to and settling in their new set ups. Hope they have enjoyable half term.

We’ve had some transport challenges this week but DD coped really well. Trains cancelled twice, buses not turning up and taking a bus somewhere on a very odd route took 1.5hr to do what would have been a half hour drive if I could have got to her but she did it. So I was very glad we’d done lots of “what if” chats a few weeks ago and loaded her phone up with two different train ticketing Apps and a bus app linked to bank card so she was able to switch plans quickly. All good life lessons for her.

I’m not however looking forward to the clocks changing and her having to navigate some tricky logistics in the dark.

Ds has had his first tests and says that they were hard. He did say he needed to revise to a great depth. He had also been training alot for his sport. We do not have half term until first week of November, but he is going away with a few friends then which will be good for him. The weeks are going so fast!!

DS was busy in the last few years, but now he has signed up for everything. He'll be spending this morning volunteering for a charity that tutors local kids, and he's also doing lots of music and sport, along with a robotics competition and debating. Luckily he can get himself from A to B on a combination of public transport and his bike. (That's chalk and cheese with my DD, who dislikes organised activities of any kind. Isn't it odd how differently siblings can turn out?)

Dd had her first online college meeting for her apprenticeship yesterday. Just her and two men. She's sure they're older. Seems to have gone OK. No mention yet of having to go away to college.
She came home from work yesterday ahalf five and was fast asleep in her bed by 6. Work is catching up with her.
She's out for a meal with her workmates tonight and was at the local playhouse last week. Obviously most of them are older and they seem a nice bunch who will look out for her.
She's currently pricing up tools as by the end of her 3 year apprenticeship she will be expected to have her own.

Dd and ds are complete opposites!

@PhotoDad i have two very different ones as well - eldest competes at high level in sport, she’s had 2 weeks of 20hrs+ of training then a competition plus college plus her job. The other does very minimal just as happy.

Glad to hear most dc's are settling in well. All seems fine here - the main moan is that it's now cold when he walks in the morning!

School have said they'll issue target grades after half term - are these based mostly on GCSE grades, does anyone know? My son has had one assessment for each subject but these were in the 4th week so very early on and I don't think they were in great depth, so I'm sure teachers can't be relying on them. One of his subjects is psychology, which he didn't do a GCSE in, so I was just wondering what target grades are based on.

Dc likes his choices but since he's been at college anxiety has crept in, in the form of wanting to say the right things, worrying what others think of him. Every single day he's relaying conversations that he's had with people during the day and asking me if it was the right thing to say and what will they think of him etc. He was diagnosed with ocd when he was 14 but has had a lot of therapy and medication and was doing really well.
Does anyone else's child overthink like this?

@Botanicaa my younger child does but they have autism and I strongly suspect adhd but we are on the wait list for that one. Over analysing every interaction to try and “mask “ to fit in is a ASD trait. Sorry if I’m talking out of turn and I hope he can find a way to manage his anxiety. We use lots of stims - physical movement , fiddle toys and mindfulness apps to help.

Thank you for your reply. We are under camhs, it took 4 years to get there. Got diagnosed with severe OCD at 14, finally got help this year and had 5 months of ERP which helped enormously and was symptom free for about 12 wks. At the moment it's all about reassurance. I believe he is neuro diverse, they've put him on waiting list for an ADD assessment but an autism assessment would be 18 months.
He wants to know exactly what's socially acceptable to say and do. The things he's worried about are things that people wouldn't think twice about. I had a message today whilst he was in a lesson saying what he said to someone and what they said back and was it OK he said that....He's kind, caring and got a great sense of humour but now he's overthinking every interaction and he can't concentrate on his work :-(

@SummerChilling my DC got diagnosis in December, 5 months before GCSe exams. Still not ready to accept it. So many a times it's difficulty convincing to have support. I strongly think it's ADHD as well but they ruled it out and asked to get referral again!! Stimming, physical movements, fiddling during anxiety and excitement. Touchwood, they like new college so anxiety is reduced. @Botanicaa I wish you and your Ds the best and hope he will be symptom free soon.

Can I ask how long you had to wait for diagnosis? Was your dc already getting help from camhs?
Thank you 😊 💓

We waited 6mths to get a private ASD diagnosis aged 10, started secondary and just secured a EHCP age 12, everything takes so long but in theory the EHCP can stay in place until she’s 25. She’s potentially very capable of university level education just struggles to learn in a class of 30 kids. For example to do homework she’s stands on a wobble board whilst I read out the text and she answers the questions she needs that physical distraction then gets 100% of questions right! I hope you can secure extra help for your DS. It’s worth talking to college student services as we got loads of things put in place before the EHCP was issued

EPQs have yours been given any information about them? My DD is doing an extend option at college but this isn’t a EPQ we’ve realised so if she wanted to do this has to be started in the summer of 2024. It may explain why they “finish” at the start of July. Plus two subjects have AS level exams in June and if they get below D they can’t continue eek.

@Botanicaa it took 3 and half years, partly because of covid. No help from Camhs either before or after, except few suggestions and links. However, both primary and secondary school were helping. Secondary school was not great in support. I attended Parents' coffee chats, ASD shows, talks etc.which helped

@SummerChilling mine doesn't start EPQ yet. She has a term of enrichment and then I believe they have some lessons on how to do EPQ's after Christmas so they are working on them in the second half of Y12.

Anyone see that school performance data for our cohort has been published on gov.uk today and as I’d anticipated my DDs school was in the bottom 15% of state school’s performance 😔 it’s actually shocking the results that nearly half the boys failed Maths & English. These aren’t kids who have come from poor primary school backgrounds or an inner city just a badly failing school with no / v.ltd parental choice to go any where else. A new head is now in place, yet again to try turn it around again…