Thread 26 - Covid Cohort Hoping for a Stable, Successful 2022

[OrangeCinnamonCocktail]

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This is a thread for supporting all young people post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting. It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, please don't within this thread. Please also be sensitive when responding to threads about grades.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue.

Our DS/DD may go down various paths (such as employment, apprenticeships, higher ed) We have decided for anyone interested they will most likely find us within the Further Ed board.

I struggle with this too crazy. My tactic fwiw is to say that they have to choose what they want and how they want to feel about themselves. (It's hard if they feel that they can easily achieve the minimum required but 5 GCSEs are not enough for other things.)

So if he could choose, would he scrape into college and close off some future opportunities, or would he prefer to do really well and keep his options open?

Will he have regrets if all his friends do great and he doesn't? Does he want to go into exams worrying about whether he's done enough? Or does he want to feel confident and proud of himself, knowing that he worked hard to put himself in the best possible position? I remind them gently that each decision they make is a step along one of these paths.

Also that it makes no difference to me one way or the other, it's entirely up to them. But that I understand it's hard to motivate yourself and that I will help in whatever way they need, whether that's revision planning with them, helping them to stay on track, looking after their phone for them, testing them, providing snacks and nice stationery etc etc.

This approach has definitely led to improvement but I do find it hard to let them get on with it. It has really taken the heat out of our relationships though, because now I only nag when they ask me to - "mum can you make me do my French tonight" - and spend the rest of the time having fun with them and cheering them on. They get a lot of pressure from school so I try to be on their team instead of being just another adult having a go at them.

I am convinced with boys in particular that many are scared to try their best in case they fail. So interlaced with all this is loads of "you can do it, you can do anything you want" etc etc
Sorry for the essay.

He says there’s no point trying to kid him that GCSEs really matter once you get past the next stage as they don’t, they’re just a stepping stone!

I have had this and countered that self-motivation, working hard, learning effectively, these are skills that need to be learnt over several years. The world is full of very clever people who never really needed to apply themselves.. until they did. And then they failed because they didn't have the skills. Postponing learning how to work hard until A levels or later is a recipe for disaster I think! (Speaking from experience )

All good advice, thanks @singingstones. He is a bit unusual as I genuinely don’t think he’ll care if his friends all do much better than him (they will). He’s not lazy or even lacking motivation in the usual way, he just only does things if he can see the point! I’ve tried the ‘keeping options open’ route but he says he can’t imagine ever wanting to do something that required more than a pass in Physics and Chemistry! But I’ll revisit it again and try some of your ideas! He is totally willing to work hard at Maths and English as he wants to do Business A Level and he needs sixes in these subjects, so there is a reason for the work.

In some ways I think he’s quite sensible - he’s allocating time to things in order of priority (with a high priority given to Muay Thai and fitness training as he wants to be a UFC fighter). I think that’s a good skill to have learned early in life, having seen lots of people get very stressed trying to do everything perfectly as adults. I just need to convince him that there’s a good reason to try a bit harder at Physics and Chemistry!

Ha sounds like he has his priorities sorted quite sensibly and you may have to admit defeat, crazy!
I guess the only thing is, whatever he wants to study, the good universities have to make their decisions somehow and GCSEs are on the form.. so will they choose someone with good results in just the important subjects or someone who has that plus other good results across the board?

Thanks, I also mentioned that yesterday - but he said he just won't go to those universities - and anyway he's not sure on university as a route anyway! Maybe I do just have to let him get on with it. It feels frustrating as I know he's capable of so much more, but as he said last night, he's not my slave, he's an independent person able to make his own decisions! I feel instinctively that it must be better to try to do your best across the board but hopefully it won't make a difference long term.

To potential invigilators - I know my DD would also add footwear to the list of things to consider! I assume you are probably warned off tippy-tappy heels, so one of the school's regular invigilators has gone for trainer type shoes which squeak horribly in the sports hall floor. Sets DDs teeth on edge 😁

And also hand out extra paper promptly, and more than one sheet at a time 🙄

crazy, we have had similar issue with DS. He is naturally quite bright and does ok without breaking a sweat.
Back in year 9, his Latin teacher gave him an “adequate” for attitude to learning, despite him getting a 7 in his summer exam and all his progress reports, with the comment, “ I just wonder what he might achieve if he put even the slightest effort in”.
I was annoyed with the teacher at the time, but now we’re in year 11, I completely see his point! DS is capable of stellar grades (as shown in the subjects he enjoys ) but is laid back, enjoys school life and can’t see the need to work harder than is necessary.
Half way through the Christmas holidays, after days of constantly hassling him to revise harder, it dawned on me that no-one can make someone learn; I’ve bought all the revision and stationary materials, provided a quiet workspace away from everyone, pointed him in the direction of online revision resources, told him I’m always available to help if I can, but I can’t actually force him to engage.
So, I told him that I was going to leave him to it, for the sake of our relationship, so that the results he gets are his, and his alone.

I can’t say whether he’s put in as much time as he would have done with me on his back all the time, BUT it has meant that I’ve been relieved of the responsibility for his revision which has meant he’s felt like he’s had to become more self motivated; he’s felt the heat of having to get on with it himself, instead of waiting for me to chivvy him and take control.

All we can do, as parents, is make sure our children understand the consequences of their choices (positive and negative) and be available to support and help when asked, I guess.

And sometimes, good enough IS good enough…even if it isn’t what we’d wish for them!

DD picked up her EPQ official result this am and thrilled with her A*

It was a real boost of confidence as another lot of mocks in the next couple of weeks - Dec mock results also now back amd she’s thrilled with them. Just got to keep momentum going with geography NEA to do as well

Has anyone heard from Durham Re offers yet?

Nothing here yet Fruitygal.

Ace result on the EPQ!

@Fruitygal well done to your dd. Ds hasn't finished his yet. As I said on here a few weeks ago he doesn't see the point doing it well now as the universities haven't mentioned it in offers...he says he's now only aiming for a C 🙈

Congrats to your DD Fruitygal, an amazing result!

That's fab @Fruitygal. Great news x

Fab news on the EPQ @Fruitygal!

DD says all the girls applying to Durham are getting grumpy over the silence - apparently an email went out from them saying something like 'no news yet' which upset a lot of them as they got excited when they saw an email from Durham and misunderstood.

Sad DS here, rejection from Southampton . Not a surprise for me, he wasn't predicted quite high enough grades and we knew it's a popular Uni

Onwards and upwards..!

Well done @Fruitygal. She sounds v motivated. Hope you get more good news soon from Durham

@Fonty motivation is up or down quite rapidly and not been motivated for NEA project which is going to make late jan and Feb a nightmare. @icanbewhatiwant I think if no unis had been offering grade drop for the EPQ she wouldn’t have finished it or it would have been a slog. 2 initially offered a grade drop for her EPQ but she’d looked into it when she was first looking at unis last summer so knew it could be useful. Now a third has written and offered retrospectively. She didn’t even do a science based EPQ.

@sofakingcool - That's a shame - hopefully there will be some good news soon.

Commiserations @sofakingcool
Onwards, as you say. Something better than Southampton is just around the corner.

QMUL offer in for DS, ABB or AB including biology, plus a B in Welsh Bacc. Just one to go now, the one he really wants!

Great news @singingstones!
Sorry to hear that @sofakingcool. I’m a firm believer in everything working out in the end. (Easy to say, I know)

That's lovely @singingstones.