Confused over A level choices

[ihearttc]

DS1 has just finished Y11. He is a fairly bright boy and is predicted 6s, 7s and 8s for GCSE. He has picked his a level choices…PE, Geography and Biology. These are some of his best subjects and is predicted 8 in both PE/Biology and a 7 in Geography.

He had his induction day at 6th form this week and PE/Geography are ok, the Biology didn’t go well. He thinks the teacher is great (he taught him before) but the others in the class are just not on his wavelength. I’m aware that sounds really shallow and pathetic but 2 of the boys especially are very hard work and he said he was only in there for an hour and wanted to walk out. There are 10 of them and he said there is literally no one he could talk to. He is rather cool and sporty…they are the complete opposite so I can see why he found it tricky.

Anyway…my question is does he suck it up and just accept the fact that he is going to hate a lesson just to do the subject or walk away and chose something else. He wants to do something sport related…either sports science or become a Secondary PE teacher if that’s relevant.

The other option is his other choices are limited due to timetabling. It would have to either be the biology, Media Studies (which he did for GCSE), a BTEC medical science (which seems not at his academic level) or Maths. The obvious one is maths but he is freaking out over hard it will be and he doesn’t want to fail.

Any thoughts if that makes sense at all?

OP you were the one who said he's cool and sporty and they aren't (so presumably are uncool and unsporty). You were the one who compared him to good looking successful millionaire Jack Grealish and them to awkward nerd Sheldon Cooper. You didn't say anything about him thinking he's not good enough until people said maybe he needed to be a bit more tolerant. Perhaps if you had the responses might have been different. I'd bet my house they feel just as insecure, without the veneer of social success to help them through life.

I was simply trying to demonstrate how different they are and couldn’t think how else to do it. And the point about Jack Grealish I was making if you read what I said was that he often appears a bit dim…as does my DS until you get to know him. I never said anyone was uncool or nerdy, they are far from nerdy. They are extremely intelligent and aiming for Oxford/Cambridge etc…my DS is clearly not. They are about as far removed from insecure as you could possibly get. The post was never ever about my DS making people feel shit although everyone seems to have taken it that way…I wasn’t asking how I could make my DS who has done nothing wrong be more tolerant of others as strangely enough he doesn’t need any help in that respect. He was a typical ugly duckling who turned into a swan after puberty…he spent the first 13 years of his life hating himself so he would never make people feel like that which is probably why he is feeling so rubbish about all of this as he can’t work out why he feels so bloody uncomfortable in there when he has just as much right to be there as the others. I appreciate that’s his issue and not theirs.

I didn’t mention it in my OP cause I didn’t feel it was relevant. I was trying to work out whether it’s worth him continuing with a subject he feels out of place in…nothing more.

I completely understand what you are saying about your son, and having a Y11 DS sympathise!

I think he needs to keep his eye on the prize of University - he has good ambitions.

I am sure that the dynamics will change once 6th form starts, and the others see he is interested in the same subject. If he speaks to his teacher (whom you have said he likes) about his concerns, they may well help him to gel with the rest of the class.

At this point, in the main, the kids are all there because they want to be there, and so he will not be seen as "the jock" in the more adult format of A levels.

I would just keep nudging him and building his confidence in himself.

No one has ‘twisted’ your words. From the info you’ve provided biology is clearly a strong option, at his current school, and DS wants to do it.

Feeling ‘uncomfortable’ and worried about what others might say or think about him are weak reasons to take alternative subjects that will either be less attractive to universities for his chosen subject (BTEC) or harder for him to get a good grade in (maths).

In one post you suggested he ‘couldn’t cope’ with the people, which seems v unlikely.

At this point, in the main, the kids are all there because they want to be there, and so he will not be seen as "the jock" in the more adult format of A levels.

I think that’s slightly optimistic to be honest since a good proportion will be there because they have to be and if someone has already earned the reputation of being a knob who messes about then they have to then show that’s no longer the case. However OP, as long as your son isn’t one of those “cool” kids who spoils it for the others by messing about, and as long as he makes an effort to be friendly, I’m sure it will be fine and they’ll end up all getting along. Most of the geeky uncool kids are desperate to be liked and included.

I can’t help but wonder however about this strange school where the geeky kids pick on the cool sporty ones. It’s generally absolutely the opposite which may be why he received a slightly cool reception? I accept my perception may be slightly skewed however by having had the past five years of my confident, good looking, previously popular but geeky and studious son being turned into a quiet, isolated, keep your head down and try not to get noticed type as a result of the “cool sporty jocks”.

Every parent thinks their child is lovely though. It works both ways.

At the end of the day he has two choices- stick with biology and make an effort to be friendly (might end up being the best thing he ever did), or compromise his future by changing course (and possibly still end up with people he doesn’t like)

I think he should stick with biology. but is it possible to start and if he really hated it switch within the first weeks?

Biology is the best match with PE and Geography. It will be the most useful for his future career options. He likes the subject, likes the teacher. Those to me are the main factors.

The lessons should be about Biology, not about anything social. And therefore he will actually get more out of them without social distractions. If you were saying he hated the class because the other students were badly behaved and disruptive that would be a different matter.

@Dozer

Appreciate your comments. It wasn’t you I was referring to with regard to twisting my words. Other posters seem to be under the impression that my DS is being unkind towards them and it couldn’t be further from the truth.

It might seem far fetched but I am genuinely worried if he will cope in there hence why I posted. He is massively self conscious and self doubtful of his abilities. His outward persona bears no resemblance to the worried kid underneath. Covid has been tough on him (and all kids) and I don’t want him to start something and then regret it 6 months later cause then it will be too late

@HasaDigaEebowai

I know every parent is positive about their own child but I promise you he is honestly not disruptive. He is just the polar opposite to the other 9 kids in there. They are not being mean to him per se, they are all in a social group which DS will never fit into and were talking/laughing together whilst DS felt excluded. Which I agree is the opposite right to how things usually are in schools which was my exact point about things working both ways.
And yes I totally appreciate it’s all about the work but he said it felt difficult to concentrate on the work when he felt uncomfortable.

I guess the call is whether realistically they are going to be outwardly hostile to him, or whether they just feel he doesn't 'fit' but will tolerate him.

Picking through what you have said they sound like a highly academic bunch who maybe look down a bit on the perceived less academic and the sporty ones (a bit like the braniacs in High School Musical). If that is the case then he may well find they are more accepting once he starts. No one choose Biology A level unless they are serious about it, you wouldn't do it as a doss subject.

I think talking to his teacher would really help. He has as much right to do his subject choices as they do, it would be a crying shame if he didn't do biology because he was worried about fitting in.

I think he should stick with Biology. Maths is a really bad idea unless you’re really good at it and the jump from GCSE is huge. They’ll all change a lot in the next couple of years and he may surprise himself with new friendships. I’m a secondary school teacher so see this a lot.

@TeenMinusTests

Yes yes yes!! Exactly that…but no matter how much I tried to explain it I wasn’t making myself clear. I suspect you are right, just need him to see that!

Id be willing to bet they actually jump at the chance to be friendly and finally have the chance to be included in stuff. I know my DS1 is desperately hoping things are better in sixth form with some of the worst behaved no longer there and everyone slightly more mature and, in theory, studying subjects they like and want to do well in.

A really bad example but imagine most of the class is like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory and DS is like Jack Grealish.

Whilst Grealish may be a talented footballer, his off the pitch behaviour isn’t something I’d be proud comparing my child to. I wouldn’t say he’s cool, just a bit immature. You haven’t come across well here but I think you realise that.
My son does Biology A level, it’s a very academic subject, not much time for chat if you want top grades so I wouldn’t worry about the other kids not being like him. What I would be concerned about is that he’s considering being a teacher but feels he can only get on with certain kids. 🤷🏻‍♀️ He’s not at primary anymore, this is further and then higher education. You will mix and partner with people who aren’t your cup of tea but it’s a skill needed in the world of work. I’d say he’s got quite a lot of maturing to do. He should be able to get on with kids that are different to him enough to do a few lessons each week together.

Did you know they updated the 'stick to the status quo' song so now there is an equal group singing ' don't stick to the status quo' ?

Op in the kindest way I think you are being a bit silly. Sounds like Biology is the best subject for DS to take and when he gets his GCSE result he will be as qualified to study it as anyone else in the class. Classes are not social opportunities. It's a time to get your head down, work hard and concentrate. His social opportunities will come out of class times, where he can seek like minded friends. Learning to get on with others even when you have nothing in common is something we all have to learn. And if he is a PE teacher empathy with the nerdy, unsporty students will help him enormously!

[quote ihearttc]@HasaDigaEebowai

I know every parent is positive about their own child but I promise you he is honestly not disruptive. He is just the polar opposite to the other 9 kids in there. They are not being mean to him per se, they are all in a social group which DS will never fit into and were talking/laughing together whilst DS felt excluded. Which I agree is the opposite right to how things usually are in schools which was my exact point about things working both ways.
And yes I totally appreciate it’s all about the work but he said it felt difficult to concentrate on the work when he felt uncomfortable.[/quote]
Well you know, some of us have kids who have spent 7 years in classes where everyone else is is a different social group ours will never fit into and they do just have to suck it up in order to study the subject they need to.

And unlike this group our kids have often been actively bullied and had classes disrupted rather than just felt "uncomfortable" at a group of kids doing nothing wrong.

Comefromaway

That’s rubbish. Kids can be really horrible. My kids have always had a good set of friends at school, fortunately, but I know how bloody heartbreaking it is to see your kids upset so can only imagine how you feel as a parent if you child is bullied. Schools really need to deal with this. There’s usually only 1 or 2 kids that do it, but so many laugh along. I hope things get better.

I'm not saying this is the case here, but this thread has made me think about A Level classes.

I think for the academic kids who kept their heads down throughout school and had to tolerate the popular, confident kids dominate their lessons, often surrounded by their own popular clique, sixth form can be a breath of fresh air and the making of them.

In many classes, for the first time, they will be with other bright, hardwoking, serious minded students who chose to be there. The popular, cliquey crew will, for the first time, be n the minority - or not there at all. It would do the popular crew no harm to experience what it was like for those other kids for years - feeling unheard and drowned out, often made to feel uncomfortable.

I am not saying the OPs ds is like this. It's impossible to judge without being there. But this is just a reminder that for the 'Sheldon' types those A Level classes are finally a place where they feel welcome.

@iamtopazmortmain

I'm not saying this is the case here, but this thread has made me think about A Level classes.

I think for the academic kids who kept their heads down throughout school and had to tolerate the popular, confident kids dominate their lessons, often surrounded by their own popular clique, sixth form can be a breath of fresh air and the making of them.

In many classes, for the first time, they will be with other bright, hardwoking, serious minded students who chose to be there. The popular, cliquey crew will, for the first time, be n the minority - or not there at all. It would do the popular crew no harm to experience what it was like for those other kids for years - feeling unheard and drowned out, often made to feel uncomfortable.

I am not saying the OPs ds is like this. It's impossible to judge without being there. But this is just a reminder that for the 'Sheldon' types those A Level classes are finally a place where they feel welcome.

Blimey.

There are plenty of popular kids who stay really popular throughout the 6th form. It isn't really a thing that they stop being popular due to A levels.

The thing is, even uncool kids have a social group. The cool “like a famous international footballer” kids might not get it but other people have friends and interests and in-jokes and a culture of their own. They don’t think their culture is inferior. The idea that there is a cool/popular crowd in school and everyone who isn’t in it is desperate to join is a trope of pre-teen American film. These uncool boys have a right to be in their own social circle without immediately declaring “a cool boy is here! Let’s centre him in our 2 hour induction while we make our own A-level choices!”
How would your ds have reacted if one of the uncool boys turned up in the PE induction, without his friends to sit and chat with? Would he have singled the boy out for special attention to make him feel welcome, or would he have acted like 99% of 16 yo boys in a class where they are supposed to be focussing on their own futures, and got on with the lesson and talked to their actual friends during downtime and discussions? Would he have even noticed that sheldon was being a bit quiet? Would he be thinking “sheldon shouldn’t take this subject because I don’t think he should”? Is it possible that ds has an exaggerated idea of how much thought these other boys are putting into ds’s A-level choice? Most people, are just living their lives. I don’t imagine a single one of them cares if he does biology or not, and if they are aiming for A*s and oxbridge they will soon run out of time to care. As for being able to manage in a class without having your particular friends with you for 2 years - yes, of course it’s worth it and how lucky he is to get through his entire childhood without being put through discomfort until now.

Quite often the really popular kids are also academic and hard working IME anyway.

Bryonyshcmyony where did I say the popular kids stop being popular? I was talking about their time in lessons. In A Level lessons those quiet, bright, hardworking kids finally get 'their' time - often denied to them in lower school by more confident 'popular' cliques dominating the lessons.

I am well aware that popular kids can also be bright and hardworking. The OP mentioned that the others in the group were 'Sheldon' types and that her son was more of a poular millionaire footballer type. A Level classes can be the time when those Sheldon types are in their comfort zone for the first time in school.

You said they wouldn't be there! Of course they will still be there.

In lessons. I said in lessons. Many of the aspiring millionaire footballer types will not be in the same lessons.

Of course many popular, clever kids are perfectly lovely to the quieter very able kids - but sadly a lot of them are not. A Level sciences are very demanding and only the brightest will be in the classes. the 'Sheldon' types will thrive.