How often do you visit?

[rainbowstardrops]

Hi all. My DS is due his A- level results tomorrow and I'm getting myself in a right tizz.

He's just announced that he probably hasn't done well enough because he was too busy on his PlayStation than revising to get into his top choice uni as he needs AAB. This uni is a five hour drive away.

I have severe travel anxiety as I was involved in a very serious car crash before I had the DCs and therefore I don't drive. DH does but I am a dreadful passenger and a complete PITA I'm sure.

He has now decided he's gone off of his 2nd choice as it's near to London and a few other reasons

He's now looking at clearing and has come up with some more universities but they're even further away than his first choice!!!!
So my question is, if you have DCs at a uni a long way away, how often do you visit them/they visit you?

I fully admit that I need to put my big girl pants on and let him fly but I so wish he'd accepted the unconditional offer for the uni in our home town!

I think I need to get lots of wine in for tomorrow

Thanks for reading my rambling waffle

Both of mine were over 5 hours away. We only visited on our way to holidays or our way back as the town was en route. We didn't visit for the sake of visiting ever.

They are adults making their own way in life and should be encouraged to be independent.

we were always on the end of a phone if needed.

Unfortunately I can't see that we'd ever be passing that area of the country, so very little opportunity to pop in on the way past.

Did your DC come back for Christmas, birthdays etc though @grannycab?

I know he's an adult and needs his independence but it's just such a daunting thought of hardly ever seeing him compared to seeing him nearly every day for the past 18 years!

Ds has only done his first year but we didn't visit, we dropped him off and picked him up then paid his train fare home Christmas, Easter and a couple of other weekends o we the year.

o we = over

Get the train?

My parents would drop me off at the start of term and pick me up at the end (we had to clear our rooms out of all belongings).
I recall them sometimes visiting midway through term for a weekend, but not every term (and certainly no more than once a term).
I’d say that after the first few weeks/
First term he will hopefully be busy with extra curricular activities that he will be settled and happy in university life.

That's what I imagine we will do @OddBoots

Ive looked into getting the train @LARLARLAND and I definitely think that would be the way forward for me.
It's quite pricey and a bit of a trek with changes etc but way more favourable to driving!

I think that is kind of what I'm expecting @Maria1982. Are the uni terms the same as school terms ie 6 weeks or do they just have Autumn, Spring, Summer?
My DS will be absolutely fine I'm sure because he's wanted to go to uni for ages, it's just me that's having a wobble!

Total miss use of bold there

Not my DC, but my Dsis (we're 10 years apart) is home for summer after her first year and we probably saw her once a month or so. I'd go and see her for the day maybe every other month and she'd come come for a weekend around every other month. But she's only around 40 mins away on the train. I found train so much easier and quicker than driving and parking in the city.

Uni don't tend to do half term, but the holidays they have are longer. Especially summer which can be start of June through to end of September. But it varies a lot between different uni's.

Generally I can't remember anyone's parents visiting beyond dropping of and picking up at the start / end of term.

Did you come back to visit at all @ForeverBubblegum?

Sorry I read that back and it did sound misleading. People still saw their families throughout the year, but always students going home, never parents coming to stay.

Pretty much everyone got the train home during the Christmas and easter holidays, and some would do a weekend in term time as well.

yes, both came home for uni holidays although my first began to sat in uni city for work over the summer.

It always seemed more logical for ds to come home for a visit rather than us go to him as it involved buying fewer train tickets and there is a free bed here for him. He also wanted to see extended family and friends.

Thank you @ForeverBubblegum, @grannycab and @OddBoots.

I'd hate to rock up to his uni and embarrass him, so buying him a train ticket for the holidays and maybe birthday weekends if he wants to, will definitely be the way to go I think!
DH and I didn't go to uni as we're old and from the times when you only really went if your parents could afford to pay for it, so this is all completely new to us!!!

Mine liked when I paid for their tickets i have to say!

Dd1and Ds both at Unis 7 hr dive away....so we only saw/see them at end of term....dd1 is now working in China and I haven't see her for almost a year

I went to uni over 8 hours away I would go back at Christmas and Easter and for a visit in summer hols as usually was travelling or working.

Terms are late Sept to 15thish Dec, mid Jan - Easter then after Easter til early June.

Depending on the course will be if he gets chance to be away for a long weekend etc.

But tbh it's actually a lot better for him if he doesn't come back often in between mainly as he will settle a lot easier and quicker if he and new friends to be made are about.

My undergrad uni hardly anyone left for weekends during term time 15 years later they are still some of my closest friends.
Post grad I went to a uni where most people returned home for weekends....have about 4 on Facebook and haven't seen or spoken to them in 5 years!

This is all really useful and enlightening, so thank you all!!!
I'm gradually getting my head round to the fact that we'll probably only see him every few months or so.
I won't pretend that I'm not struggling with that but on the other hand, I want him to fly .....
Jeez this parenting thing doesn't get easier!

I grew up in the wilds of the highlands and went to exeter on a clear run without stopping it was about a 10 hour drive... my mum visited once in three years, it was part of the appeal

I think that's part of the appeal for him too!
He's got his results this morning and he's done really well and got his 1st choice!
Loughborough uni, here he comes!

Congrats Rainbow , my DS has finished his 1st year at Loughborough, its a great uni though a pain to get to by train/ bus.

We don't see DS during term at all, it goes by very quickly.

Loughborough is reasonably central. You’ll be fine. Dh and I are almost 50 and neither of us ever went home apart from the end of term. In fact I didn’t go home other than at Christmas for the whole of my final year as I was working to try and keep my head above water even with a small grant as we were poor and I had younger siblings. My parents were unable to contribute anything so it was hard. The level of debt they need to take on these days is shocking but there’s also more expectation that parents will contribute. My parents were happy for me to go if it was what I wanted but they couldn’t help financially and they wouldn’t have dreamed of ever visiting. I think the mindset has changed and it’s the same with visiting. Because we’re so much more involved, we find it more difficult to see them less (I know I will in a couple of years). I’m expecting to get used to it after the first term, or at least after the first child!

Thank you @Eve! I'm hoping the terms fly by!!!

@Alittleshaderequired I can't imagine my DS will come back any other times than Christmas, Easter etc. I also want him to fully embrace uni life and not worry about us back home.
We've just heard that a friend of his who isn't a great influence on him has also got into Loughborough as well.

Don’t worry about the friend. They’ll hang around together for a couple of weeks and then drift apart. Your DS will meet so many new people and have a great time!