Urgent advice needed, approached to be kinship foster carers for newborn baby. Mum has been smoking crack.

[NameChangingAlso]

Hi. Have NCed for obvious reasons! We've been approached as potential kinship foster carers for a new born baby due very very soon. Mum has been smoking crack so he may need to stay in hospital for a little while if she isn't able to stay clean for the last couple of weeks of pregnancy. We have an under 1 year old baby of our own already. They are a very easy baby though! Sleep through, no issues etc.

What do we need to know before we make a decision? What might the foster baby be like? Does anyone have any experience with this they could share with us? We've never fostered before though we've thought about it in an abstract "future" kind of way.

Thanks so much.

I'm replying so your post doesn't drop.off active. There was a poster who cared for a heroin addicted baby successfully who was much loved and respected. I think it was saved to Classics in tribute to her when she sadly died - the lady not the baby. There may be related info.in the post. Have a search or someone may link it to you.

Found it!
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/922821-drug-dependant-baby-advice-needed
I can't sleep. I expect you can't either.

Are you being asked to put yourselves forward as permanent carers for the baby? Or just short term? Because if short term the local authority should be looking at experienced foster carers for a drug dependent baby. The baby won't know you are related to it so that part is only relevant if you are planning to raise it entirely.
Be wary.

Babies undergoing drug withdrawal / neonatal abstinence syndrome are often distressed, disorganised and very unsettled. There are medications that may be used if the baby has severe symptoms, and these may need to be tapered over a number of weeks. My experience is that these babies need a huge amount of care in the acute withdrawal period and their distress can be upsetting for the people looking after them. The best treatment is someone who can cuddle and contain them whilst they withdraw. After the acute withdrawal is over, these babies often do well, although can be a bit immature with feeding etc.

fusspot thank you so much. That thread is alternatively inspiring and terrifying... I hope you managed to get more sleep!

adalind thank you for your post. I don't want to say much in case of details but that's helpful to know.

nightmare that's so useful thank you. If the drug use wasn't severe or habitual would the effects be as bad? Cuddling we could do!

nightmare that's so useful thank you. If the drug use wasn't severe or habitual would the effects be as bad? Cuddling we could do!

Just to say, I was on morphine (prescribed) through my pregnancy - I gradually reduced throughout but was still on a significant amount when the babies were born. They didn't have any withdrawal fortunately. I'm not sure how different the neonatal response is to this drug but it's possible the baby might be fine. Obviously you need to prepare for the worst case scenario of a baby in withdrawal, which could mean weeks of nicu treatment or longer, and a lot of distress for the baby. One of mine was in nicu for 8 weeks due to a complex unrelated illness and it was extremely difficult, especially if you already have a one year old (mine are 14mo now so I know what they're like and not sure how well they'd manage long stretches in nicu, plus the risk of them taking bugs etc in there is something to consider). These are all things I'd consider. Wishing you all the best - I read lots of info on babies in withdrawal when I was pregnant as I was very concerned about it, there's lots out there.

I think what adel had said is crucial. Unless there is a possibility of you having this child long term, I think a career without another baby to care for and who has experience of drug withdrawal would be a better bet.

Have looked after many baby's over the years ALL who drug related births have well after time, they cry a bit like a seagull, as said need a lot of cuddles some need too be swaddled ( as against recommendation not too for normal births). Some may have vocal issues when they start too talk (squeaky voice hence the cry not so bad in girls).
Of course there is the added issue of HIV testing but this is now mandatory now in all baby's as is immunisation. Other issues is lifestyle of mum and possible Alcohol Issues as well as Drugs.
Will have too look carefully at all possible scenario's

I once had to take care of a baby born addicted to methadone on a paediatric ward. I only took care of her for two weeks but she was there a lot longer. She. Never. Stopped. Crying.

I was literally in her room cuddling her and rocking her for my entire shift. It was exhausting but luckily I didn't have kids at the time and could go home and throw back the wine!

My point is they virtually need 1:1 care and you can't do that with an infant already in the house.

On what terms are SS suggesting you take on this baby? Fostering, adopting or SGO? It is very important to find out as they all come with vary degrees of support. DO NOT accept this baby as a voluntary placement between you and the mother. It MUST be done via SS or they will leave you high and dry.
Are they serious about you taking baby on or are they just meeting their legal responsibility to approach possible kinship carers?

It would be very unusual for carers to be approved for a newborn with such a young baby already in their care. Not impossible though.

Things you need to think about.
Can you afford to take on another child?
Will SS be assessing mum whilst you care for baby? If so are you able to facilitate the many contacts and attend the many statutory meetings and health appointments? These will not be scheduled for your convenience. It will take over your life for quite some time.
Can you cope with the possible animosity from birth family towards you?
Are you able to cope with a child with SN long term. This baby is highly likely to have a degree of SN.

Ask specific questions about your status (foster carer/guardian etc), what support they are going to give you (get it in writing), what is expected of you (facilitating contact visits etc).
Are they going to pay your costs if they are asking you to apply for adoption or an SGO.

Don't let your kindness and willingness to help cloud your judgement.
This is a MASSIVE commitment and will totally change your life.

One thing to consider. Until that baby is legally yours (IF you adopt) you don't have a say in what happens to them. If you are fostering you have no PR and cannot make decisions on their behalf. If SS tell you the baby is going to see its mum every day for four hours you can't do anything about it. It can be very, very hard to care for a child and have to agree to things you feel are not in their best interests.

Thank you all so much! Adel and whines if there was a possibility we could take the baby long term, would we therefore be a better bet than him going to someone else for a while and then coming to us? Because of the longer term stability?

Tammy what good news for your LOs and that does give me hope - and an awareness of possible practical difficulties we may face. Thank you for sharing.

Fas and Elspeth that's sobering but so helpful to be aware of.

theFirst thank you. This is incredibly useful and not distinctions that we were aware of. Do you know of any idiot's guide type things online which outline the various kinds of arrangements and what your rights and responsibilities are? These are brilliant questions to ask - thank you. Any others you can suggest? We're likely to be speaking to SS this week.

And to anyone else; other questions to ask are gratefully received! We don't want to go into this blindly and equally we don't want to unnecessarily doom a baby to the care system if it could be avoided with our help.

If you were serious about having the baby permanently then yes, it would be better for her to come to you immediately to reduce disruption. But if they are just looking for a carer while mum gets clean/has assessments then they would be very irresponsible (IMO) to place her with you, no experience with fostering or drug dependent babies and with your own 1 year old to look after

It might be helpful for you to contact some of the kinship care support organisations for advice/support in making the decision. There will probably be groups of some kind in your area, but there are also organisations with websites full of information and stories of personal experience.

These organisations may be able to give you information and advice that SS (for lots of reasons) won’t or can’t give you to help you decide whether it’s something you can do.

adalind thank you. Permanence could be a possibility if necessary so it's helpful to have that picture.

arbitrary that's brilliant, we didn't know such things existed. Can you recommend any?

www.frg.org.uk
Family Rights Group.
Good quality, unbiased legal information for Kinship Carers

WRT to questions.
I would recommend being direct.
Ask them if/why/what/how questions.

I am not a SS basher but they are unlikely to tell you everything you need to know. They are not generous with information.
You will have to ask and be insistant.

FRG have tons of info.

There are various local support groups that you can find in the FRG website MrsDV posted (as well as information on there). You can see them listed by region.

You might find it useful to be able to contact one of your local groups to speak to someone, not least because you’ll be able to discuss more of the detail than when you’re trying to be anonymous online.

Would contact your LA's Fostering Support group think you will find that most include Members of SGO and kinship carer's parent's and relatives
can also contact Fostering network for Advice via the Webb.