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Fostering

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on fostering.

Original poster

Urgent advice needed, approached to be kinship foster carers for newborn baby. Mum has been smoking crack.

53 replies

NameChangingAlso · 25/11/2017 06:14

Hi. Have NCed for obvious reasons! We've been approached as potential kinship foster carers for a new born baby due very very soon. Mum has been smoking crack so he may need to stay in hospital for a little while if she isn't able to stay clean for the last couple of weeks of pregnancy. We have an under 1 year old baby of our own already. They are a very easy baby though! Sleep through, no issues etc.

What do we need to know before we make a decision? What might the foster baby be like? Does anyone have any experience with this they could share with us? We've never fostered before though we've thought about it in an abstract "future" kind of way.

Thanks so much.

OP posts:
Original poster
NameChangingAlso · 03/01/2018 23:16

An update from us, if anyone is still watching. Court will be happening very very soon and social's recommendation will be that the baby comes to us. (We said yes obviously.) I don't really know what to say but I suppose it's nice to say all that out loud to people as it makes it feel more real that we might have another baby this time next week. All handholds gratefully appreciated!

OP posts:
JaniceBattersby · 03/01/2018 23:20

I don’t have any advice OP but I just wanted to say you’re doing a wonderful and brave thing. Lots of luck to you Flowers

PanannyPanoo · 03/01/2018 23:26

Very best of luck. How wonderful.

Original poster
NameChangingAlso · 03/01/2018 23:27

Thanks Janice ☺️

OP posts:
fasparent · 04/01/2018 00:54

Love a good outcome. wish you all the best XXX.

SerendipityFelix · 04/01/2018 01:12

Wow, big news. Lots of good wishes your way - so kind and generous for you to be doing this for the baby. Fingers crossed all goes ok and baby gets to you safe and well. MN will be here for handholding/support/ranting/celebrating as appropriate! Flowers

RestingGrinchFace · 04/01/2018 01:19

Babies born from mothers on drugs often have special needs. Have you any experience/knowledge of caring for babies and children with additional needs? It's lovely that you want to open your home to this baby but make sure that you are able to meet his needs before taking him home, it would not be fair on him otherwise.

WellThisIsShit · 04/01/2018 01:21

Wow, I bet it’s startimg to feel very real now. I’d sleep as much as you can - though I know you can’t stockpile sleep it might help mentally to know you have had some sleep recently! Hopefully the baby won’t be suffering too bad withdrawals as I’ve heard it’s hell, for the baby of course poor thing but also for the carers.

I know you can’t say much at all but I hope it’s as amicable as it can be with the birth mother (& father, and wider families on both sides). Must be so complicated managing the dynamics involved.

AntiHop · 04/01/2018 01:24
Flowers
Stolenchoccies · 04/01/2018 01:35

Good luck

deadringer · 04/01/2018 02:01

I only saw this thread today. I am a foster carer and our youngest was born to a methadone addicted mum. She was taking other stuff too but we never found out exactly what. Baby was in high needs unit for two weeks after being very distressed for the first few days. By the time we took her home at two weeks she was doing well. She was never a great sleeper when little but nothing too far out of the ordinary. She is 9 now and a fab little girl, she has a few very minor issues but is a happy, healthy, affectionate child. We adore her and she us. There is no knowing how an individual child born addicted will fare but they can make a full recovery ime. Good luck and God bless.

Glamorousglitter · 04/01/2018 05:54

I don't have experience with fostering but I do with babies with NAS, I wanted to jump on board and wish you the best, what you are doing is a very kind thing, I hope it goes well for you and baby

Also in reply to grinch above re special needs - many parents of children with additional needs are completely and utterly not prepared or experienced.

Cantchooseaname · 04/01/2018 06:05

It’s an amazing thing that you are doing- providing hope. Yes, it may be tough. But you are doing a great thing. I wish you all the best.

LastMangoInPeckham · 04/01/2018 06:09

Some of the PPs are talking about their experience related to babies whose mothers have used heroin, however you say crack. Is morher also using heroin? It is important to establish what the drug use in pregnancy has been (mother will have undertaken urine screening at points for this very purpose).

If mother has not used heroin /methadone, the baby will display some of the symptoms previously mentioned, however say still present as jittery and fractious.

Pennydropper · 04/01/2018 06:25

There is a centre in Devon that provides drug rehab to women and their babies. It's called Trevi House. Could that be an option i wonder?

Jenala · 04/01/2018 06:38

I don't have fostering experience but as a social worker I have undertaken prebirth assessments of addicted mothers. Usually I hand over to the next team before the baby is born so don't get to see outcomes. However I've been told by the specialist midwife at our hospital that there is no telling the symptoms a baby will have. That she has had mothers using loads and babies that are almost fine and others whose use was sporadic but baby comes out really poorly. And vice versa. You may have a baby where you can hardly tell. I think she said heroin and methadone is often worse symptom wise than crack.

I hope you know that taking the baby from birth and giving it stability from that earliest possible point is honestly giving it a huge gift. Those first few weeks are so so so important in setting up the foundations for the baby to form a healthy attachment and all the positives that come with that, which stretch across life. The brain is developing so rapidly and responsive care at that time really sets them in the right direction. It's a wonderful thing you are doing. Good luck Flowers

FluffyWhiteTowels · 04/01/2018 06:49

What a wonderful gift you are giving this child. Wishing health and happiness to you all

JackietheBackie · 04/01/2018 06:58

Echoing LastMangoinPeckham, thus baby is going to have different needs if Mum wasn't on heroin/methadone. Social care are likely to be doing a full toxicology screen on the baby, and you should ask for the result of that. In my experience, it is quite unusual for women "just" to use crack - they are usually using heroin as well, but you should clarify that. If she wasn't using heroin then the baby probably won't "withdraw" the same was. Crack has a shorter half life and isn't as physically addictive. Baby will need a brain scan pretty soon after birth (crack cocaine is a vasodilator and can cause bleeds in the brain). That should be done before they come out of hospital.
I wish you and the little one lots of luck.

Original poster
NameChangingAlso · 04/01/2018 22:55

Thank you all so much for your lovely, lovely messages. There's a tear in my eye! I have now met baby and they are absolutely perfect. Teeny tiny fingers and toes all present and correct ☺️ best of all, no withdrawal symptoms so far and all physical tests are great eg no brain damage showing. Social are looking for permanency so if it's us I'm so happy we can give baby a loving home right from hospital.

Does anyone know what happens at the moment of removal? I know this is such a silly small thing but I'm dreading that I would have to take baby from mum's arms? Is that the case or is there an intermediary in place to physically do the removal? I know that sounds so unimportant but I'm not sure I'm strong enough to physically cause the separation.

Thank you all so much Flowers to you all.

OP posts:
SerendipityFelix · 05/01/2018 06:46

That’s a question for your social worker, really - have they not gone through this kind of thing with you? I doubt you’d even be there when that happens, tbh.

Good news that baby is doing well Smile

NewIdeasToday · 05/01/2018 06:58

Good luck with this. It is very loving and generous of you to give this baby a home and family. I really hope it works out well for all of you.

LoveProsecco · 05/01/2018 07:27

No advice or experience but wanted to wish you luck

PurpleStarInCashmereSky · 05/01/2018 13:47

I would imagine a social worker will take the baby and give her/him to you. Possibly at the hospital or may drive baby to you. That is unless the mother wants to hand the baby over directly. I'm assuming as kinship carers the mother knows you so it will depend on the relationship I imagine and how the mother feels about the removal.

Namechanger124 · 08/01/2018 21:28

Lovely news op

smilingmind · 08/01/2018 21:48

I am a kinship carer of a child with SEN.
I posted some financial advice on a very recent thread called
‘to not want to take this 2yr old in’ which you can search for.
Basically SS are as financially pressed as the NHS so do try to avoid spending money.
If you will be asking for financial support then you need to have an arrangement in place before taking the baby and basically jump through all the hoops in the right order.
I didn’t know this and they considered mine a ‘private arrangement’.
I’m not being at all bitter by saying this, but hear this time and time again from other kinship carers and it is an important consideration.
Those who they consider to have a private arrangement do not only get no financial support but also no other support which the child may need.
The FB group kinship foster carers is very good to get advice from others in the same situation.
Also Family Rights Group as someone else mentioned.
Happy for you to pm me if I can help in any way.