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Fostering

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Original poster

my 2 year old granddaughter abused in foster care

45 replies

xtina1 · 13/09/2015 17:28

hi i hope i am in the right place for advice ........in brief my 2 year old grandaughter 2 grandson 5 months was removed from my care [section 20] when her parents removed them from the park while with my husband because i didnt ring the police to report it [there is a lot of background with all this where social worker has never worked with parents or us apart from wanting children in care ...the reason being they are adobtable] they were moved three times in one week on the second foster home my grandaughter over a period of three days was bitten on cheek arm scratched and and bruised face ...this was first seen on contact visit and was told she had bit her arm herself just before we went in [blatant lie] as next one the bite marks and scratches were on her face...we rang police solicitor and reprted to everyone we could she was moved that day...but we have not been told anything else ..apart from the FC took on too much my GD has been through more harm in one week than in her two years ...we are devastated and at wits end and desperatly need advice as it seems to have been covered over i need to take action ...but also to know what is the right thing to do

OP posts:
JeffsanArsehole · 13/09/2015 17:31

She was bitten by another child because you think she wasn't adequately supervised?

Well she's been moved on now to a different carer, are you still going to be allowed contact? Supervised?

Original poster
xtina1 · 13/09/2015 18:02

yes we are still allowed contact ...till we get them back

she was bitten ect ect because there were too many children.......she was there to be protected as they say ...yet she was harmed ...that is not right

OP posts:
lougle · 13/09/2015 18:14

It wasn't abuse though, was it? I'm sure emotions are running high in what sounds like very complicated circumstances, but to call it abuse (if she was hurt by another small child) is frankly ridiculous and undermines you in your complaint.

lougle · 13/09/2015 18:16

To be fair, she was there to be protected from harm from adults, not to be protected from all harm that could usually come to her. Accidents still happen in foster care and children still bite/scratch/push.

JeffsanArsehole · 13/09/2015 18:19

Yes, accidents can happen anywhere

Do SS want to return them to your care? I take it that it will be with conditions about letting your daughter/her partner only have supervised time with them?

lougle · 13/09/2015 18:27

"her parents removed them from the park while with my husband because i didnt ring the police to report it"

Do you realise how serious this is? You suggest from your post that this is a fairly trivial issue. Do you understand how it must look to SS that you didn't safeguard your grandchild's well being ahead of the interests of her parents?

sanfairyanne · 13/09/2015 18:31

Its important to separate out
Abuse
From the day to day scratches and injuries that toddlers get
This sounds like a normal part of day to day life in a family with other children, as opposed to 'abuse'

NerrSnerr · 13/09/2015 18:50

It doesn't sound like abuse to me, just accidents with children. My daughter was scratched at a baby group last week, I just didn't get there in time. It's one of those things.

If they do come back and live with you then you really need to work with social services.

PotteringAlong · 13/09/2015 18:55

My 3 year old has 2 new scratches, a bruise and a red mark today. I have no idea how any of them have happened. He was running round the garden and supervised at all points. He's not being abused, he's just 3 and one of those kids Smile

Social services tried to prevent your grandchildren bring taken into care by placing them with you and you completely failed to protect them. What did you think would happen?

Original poster
xtina1 · 13/09/2015 19:14

thank you for your replies .....it seems most think i am overreacting.i appreciate your comments

i didn't mean it to sound trivial ...........i knew my grandchildren would come to no harm..[my daughter has been very unfairly treat by SS also tricked into putting children volantery care by incompitent SS far too much to explain]

we looked after children for five month giving up our own life we are heartbroken ...i made the wrong decision i know its like fight or flight ...it turned out the verything i tried to avoid ...happened in the worst possible outcome...we are paying the price for that ...worst of all it is our grandaughter who suffers worst all the time ...she lost her mum dad an then us ...and has gone from being a happy confident little sparkle in her eye girl ..to being stressed confused her eyes are dead.....its just so wrong ...i know we did wrong ..but SS don't always get it right

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 13/09/2015 19:20

Okay so you don't agree with how SS have handled the case from the beginning, this is clear.

But, you must understand that it was not up to you to decide whether your GC would come to harm in the care of their parents. If SS had removed them or there was a voluntary care order (regardless of how voluntary it really was), the order was that the children reside with you. By letting the parents take the children, you just proved yourselves as untrustworthy to SS. It doesn't matter that you believed they would not come to harm - the order prevented them having care so you were being trusted to uphold that.

It sounds like a very difficult situation, but you have to work with SS, you can't just go around disregarding their decisions and deciding you know better if you want things to go back to how they were. You have to work with them (as a family) to co-operate and show them that you are trustworthy and your judgement is sound.

I understand that you are hurting but to lash out at the foster carers isn't going to help your case much, I'm afraid.

BitchPeas · 13/09/2015 19:25

Have SS said when/if you can have them back? Are you working with them? Does your daughter have any chance of getting them back? How did they trick her?

It does sound like normal toddler injuries and she has been moved now so I think you need to focus on working with SS to get them back. Keep your opinions of them getting it wrong to yourself. That is not meant in a nasty way, just focus on the issues at hand and don't get distracted by small things which will make you look/act like a pain in the arse. What have the SW asked of you since this happened?

Costacoffeeplease · 13/09/2015 19:32

If you had complied with SS the children wouldn't even be in foster care, I'm afraid it sounds as if you need to get your own house in order before complaining about foster carers

There aren't many people who post accepting that SS involvement was justified, and I think it extremely unlikely that your grandchildren were removed for being 'adoptable'

You need to be honest with yourself about the reasons why you and your family are in this situation, show SS that you are fully prepared to ensure the childrens' safety, and work with them in future - and if that means that their parents don't have unsupervised contact, then that's what you have to do

fastdaytears · 13/09/2015 19:46

That doesn't sound like abuse to me. Toddlers do get scratches.

Have SS given any indication that the DC might be returned? I would have thought allowing unsupervised contact with your daughter was a pretty significant breach of the trust SS had put in you as carers.

lougle · 13/09/2015 20:17

You're obviously very distressed and I can imagine that it must be very hard to accept that your child is not deemed capable of raising her own child.

I'm glad you realise how much of a mistake it was to do what you did. One of the key decisions when SS assess whether the child should be raised in the wider family, is the ability of that family to put the child's needs above the needs of the parent. You've failed that 'test' once and it will be quite hard work to convince the SW that you could pass it another time.

I know that mistakes are made, but it might be worth trying to be objective and see if you can see SS point of view with regards the removal ('voluntary' or otherwise). If it were truly voluntary, they wouldn't mind your DD having unsupervised contact. As you were told you should have contacted the police, it sounds like SS have far more serious concerns for your GD's safety at the hand of your DD? I'm sure that takes some coming to terms with. Flowers

Original poster
xtina1 · 13/09/2015 20:31

thank you for your time and replies.......i so need to give more detail...at the moment cant answer questions my son needs computer ...i have took on board what has been said...but would appreciate you looking at this link ...before you condemn us ...until you are involved with them you have not a clue what some of them are like although i would agree there is good ones...we have a bad one

forced-adoption.com/

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 13/09/2015 20:38

I'm familiar with that site (and the other similar ones) and there are some very sad stories. It doesn't change the fact that you're only going to get anywhere if you work with SS and accept that letting your daughter take the children was a big step backwards.
No one here is condemning you. Your love and concern for your GC shine through.

Floggingmolly · 13/09/2015 20:38

Forced adoption?? You think SS (how were they involved with your dd in the first place?) tricked your DD into handing her children over to foster carers for the sole purpose of filling their adoption quotas? Really? Confused
Does she have learning difficulties?

Smartiepants79 · 13/09/2015 20:49

Putting aside your issues with social services the things you mention are not abuse.
It is possible that she may have scratched and bitten her own arm. Children do all sorts of things in stressful situations. And in a house with other small children (any of whom may have come from difficult circumstances) these kind of small incidents will happen.
It all sounds very sad and you seem to be struggling to know what to do entire.
I would suggest you continue to do your best to cooperate and jump through all the hoops needed to get the children back. They are going to need you to keep a level head and stay strong.

ChristineDePisan · 13/09/2015 20:54

My DC have both come home from nursery / playgroup / school with bumps, bruises and bites. In the vast majority of cases it is normal child interaction, not a safeguarding issue.

Three things:

  1. as pp have said, you have to work with SS, regardless of whether you think it's a load of rubbish. I'm concerned that you don't understand the importance of working with them and adhering to the rules and restrictions that have been set. Simply, if you go against them, you will find your own access severely curtailed, and you will have done nothing at all to help your GC be returned to their parents.

  2. have you got legal advice? You really really should get some: start with the CAB for help accessing low cost assistance

  3. drop all the nonsense about forced adoption right now. Your GC were not removed "because they are adoptable", they were removed because SS had concerns for their safety and a court agreed. You might find some useful information here, but the more that you fixate on "Forced Adoption" as the reason for SS involvement, the less you will be able to come to terms with the real reasons and be able to help your family address them.

amarmai · 13/09/2015 21:13

you and your daughter and your gc are going thru hell. You need to get legal advice and in the meantime follow ss rules absolutely . I hope an mner with a background in dealing with ss will give you more concrete advice so that you can get your gc back asap.

Spero · 13/09/2015 21:14

Please, anyone reading this be VERY wary of the forced adoption site. It is run by Ian Josephs. He gives very poor advice to parents. If you are in care proceedings and you follow his advice you are going to greatly increase your chances of having your children permanently removed from your care.

Please go instead to the Family Rights Group or the Child Protection Resource.
Christine has already linked to the CPR, Family rights Group is www.frg.org.uk

fastdaytears · 13/09/2015 21:21

Spero I had always wondered about that guy and what his deal was...

Smartiepants79 · 13/09/2015 21:32

That website is absolutely bonkers.
He seems a very strange man.

BertieBotts · 13/09/2015 21:36

YYY Spero.

OP I really hope you will read and take note :( It really is not some big conspiracy. There is a "right" way to engage with SS and there are people who will support you to have the best possible chance of getting your DGC back. Please follow the links given Flowers