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Forces sweethearts

If you have a family member in the Royal Navy, RAF or army, find support from other Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

husband having affair.

51 replies

ambercat · 08/09/2008 22:19

Ok, my h has been having an affair since xmas with a girl in the army. He is in the marines, they have been working together.

I found out in april when he left me saying he didn't love me anymore. He wasn't going to tell me about ow but i found out anyway.

Today i found pics of them having sex on his laptop and emails from her worrying about them being found out about by other people (i assume her boss).

What i want to know is ,is there anyway of letting her superior officers know what she has been doing? will this sort of revelation affect her career? I always thought the forces frowned on this sort of thing but i don't know how to go about exposing them. Can anyone help?

OP posts:
UnquietDad · 08/09/2008 22:21

"i found pics of them having sex on his laptop"

Blimey, that must have seriously knackered the keyboard.

Sorry. Ahem. Serious issue. As you were.

mamadiva · 08/09/2008 22:24

I don't know much about it TBH but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for you and keep your head up my mum is going through similair situation with my step dad. Your better off without him and one day you'll realise that

Scottishmum31 · 08/09/2008 22:27

I heard someone talking the other day about someone they know in the Navy who was up in front of his superiors for "adultery", so I'm sure they must do something about it!

Mamazon · 08/09/2008 22:28

Yes it will have a serious impact on her carer, and his.
it is called illegal fratinisation.

You can forward the pictures to her SO.

But why do you want to take this course of action? Revenge gets you nowhere. he was the one that cheated not her. yes she surely knew about you and was wrong for behaving in this way but what will you gain from ruining her career? it certainly wont make your life any better or mend your relationship with your ex....in fact i suspect it will make him very angry and potentially ruin any chance of reconciliation or amicable situation for you all.

think very carefully before you do anything

gemmummy · 08/09/2008 22:29

it's something to do with a service test, ie, will their affair affect their operational capability? if not then the forces pretty much stay out of it as much as they can tbh.

Original poster
ambercat · 08/09/2008 22:30

lol ud, i am past the stage of caring now, he has treated me like shit for 13 years i just want revenge on them both. So does anyone know how i can find out who she works for? and what will happen to her?

OP posts:
hf128219 · 08/09/2008 22:31

Firstly I am sorry for you. But you mustn't feel that exposing them will make you feel better.

Yes, there are 'rules' in the Armed Forces regarding this sort of conduct.

Social 'misbehaviour' takes many forms - and the seriousness of that conduct warrants different types of action.

Are they the same rank? Is she married?

Original poster
ambercat · 08/09/2008 22:34

mamazon, iemailed her earlier and told her i had copies of the pics and would use them, h already knows and has stormed out of house threatening to cut of all my money and kill my family so i think relartionship is fucked. He is home on leave atm from hot sandy place to see kids ,we have been getting on ok til i found pics and they tipped me over edge again, am on the red wine and likely to do something i will regret, i want her to suffer like i am.

OP posts:
Original poster
ambercat · 08/09/2008 22:37

no shes not married, only 24 stupid fucking bitch. hes a cock aswell, i know that. i'm fed up of doing nothing, i have been suffering for 6 months now while they carried on. He says they have split up now but i dont believe him.

OP posts:
Mamazon · 08/09/2008 22:38

I can totally understand that feeling of wanting revenge.

But it really wont make you feel any better in teh long run.
what it will do is make your life even worse for some time to come as no doubt your h will end up closer to her as they "fight" it together.
you will be arguing with him and having all that stress on top of what you are already feeling.

honestly, its really not worth the 10 minutes of satisfaction.
I know its very easy for me to say, im not the one that has been hurt and betrayed.
Jus trust that my objectional view allows me to see that this wouldn't help you at all.

hf128219 · 08/09/2008 22:38

Ranks?

Original poster
ambercat · 08/09/2008 22:44

both corporals. i know its stupid to want revenge but him finding out bout me emaiiling her is the first time i've had a reaction from him, he's been so passive, not shown any emotion or seemed bothered that hes throwing away 13 years and 3 children together. I sick of being the pathetic wife at home. i fucking hate them both

OP posts:
Megglevache · 08/09/2008 22:49

don't do it, don't do anything when you are pissed

hf128219 · 08/09/2008 22:49

Just stick the video on youtube/youporn if it makes you feel any better.

Apart from that you need to take steps to safeguard your future and your childrens.

Does he really see a future with this slag girl?

Mamazon · 08/09/2008 22:53

your not being stupid for wanting revenge, its a perfectly understandable reaction to whatyou have seen.

im just giving you the hindsight before you do something you will may regret.

If you really want revenge print the pics off and post them up in your local area or something, embaress them, fine. just don't ruin their entire careers over it.
as i say, it will be your H that gets in trouble too. its hardly going to help your children if their dad is unemployed!

Original poster
ambercat · 08/09/2008 23:13

i know, i'm just so angry and fed up of being the victim. hes just phoned acting all concerned but its only cos he hasn't got anywhere to stay tonight. cock

OP posts:
hf128219 · 08/09/2008 23:15

Ignore his calls/texts etc. Any chance of a reconciliation? Perhaps after counselling/marriage guidance.

Original poster
ambercat · 08/09/2008 23:20

no chance, since all this came out have found out he has never been faithfull to me in 13 yrs together, all his mates and their wives have known and been laughing at me. also never used condoms so have been a regular down the gu clinic.

he is not the man i thought. all my friends and family are stunned and shocked as am i. he is a very good liar but also a great dad and a lovely husband until i found all this out which is why its so hard to take in. i can't get my head round it and feel such a fucking idiot.

OP posts:
Original poster
ambercat · 08/09/2008 23:22

he doesn't want to try again, he doesn't love me. it should be me dumping him not the other way. Why do i feel like i still love him after seeing pics of him fucking her

OP posts:
hf128219 · 08/09/2008 23:25

Perhaps because you do love him still?

Original poster
ambercat · 08/09/2008 23:30

yes and that makes me a fucking idiot after all hes done to me.

OP posts:
hf128219 · 08/09/2008 23:32

Yes, he's been a bastard. Yes, he's cheated. Yes, he's a liar.

Are you sure he doesn't want you and the children?

Original poster
ambercat · 08/09/2008 23:38

100% sure, i told him i'd been out on a date last month and his reaction was - i'm glad your moving on. he really doesn't give a shit about me and i'm only just realising it, up until now i think i've thought there may be achance but those pics tonight and his reaction to me emailing her spoke volumes. Hes a fucking cock and i know i'm better without him, it just hurts so much. thank you for all your support, think i better go to bed before i drink anymore wine and can't do the school run! x

OP posts:
hf128219 · 08/09/2008 23:40

Night night x

FourArms · 09/09/2008 07:20

How are you feeling this morning?

I'm sure that everyone hasn't been laughing behind your back. I for one would feel terrible if I knew this was happening to somebody that I knew.