DH considering joining the Navy aged 45

[NavalGazing]

Hi there, I'm brand new to this corner of the board (though I've spent some time reading & searching previous threads to see if anyone else has been in a similar position). I can't find anything so here goes - I'd love to hear your thoughts please?

DH has been asked (by a friend who is currently a naval chaplain) to consider joining the Navy as a chaplain. DH recently spent a week with him down in Plymouth and had an interesting, thought-provoking and enjoyable time. He could see himself enjoying the role and finding it very rewarding.

We've been married for 25 years & have two teenagers: our eldest has just gone away for Uni and the youngest hopes to go to Uni in Sep 25. DH has led a local church for the past 10 years and becoming ready to move on, and I have a fixed term contract which also ends in summer 25 - so lots of change is approaching over the next 18 months regardless of whether DH joins. I can be fairly flexible with my job as I usually move every 3 years or so (project management roles)

If we seriously consider it, DH has been advised to do a formal 'acquaint' visit next May to get the ball rolling for recruitment which could take 9 - 12 months. I feel really excited about the prospect but it would mean a big move away from all our family and friends in the Midlands (we have always lived locally to our massive family and church community) and considerable periods of time alone for me, in a new area (though we do have a much-loved dog to keep me company!) The pros would be a doubling of salary for DH, low-rent accommodation and an opportunity for us to boost our pensions and savings for our future/retirement (our finances are in bad shape currently as DH has been on a very low church wage).

I'm really interested in hearing the views as those already living a military life - what have I not even thought about? What are the major pros and cons in your lives? Is there anything about our situation which would make you say "DON'T DO IT!!"?

Thanks in advance.

I thought the upper age limit was 42. Otherwise go for it, but dd passed out of Dartmouth is tough physically even for chaplains

Might be different for chaplains age wise. I can ask dd how much physical activity the chaplains have to take part in.

Thank you gotomomo. Age limit for chaplains is 48. DH did the fitness test while he was there on the informal visit and was most chuffed to learn he would have got a 2 year pass for his results - he runs 4 x a week and does triathlons etc so he is fit as a fiddle and would enjoy the physical challenges.

I have known a fair few forces chaplains . There is no doubt the salary and pension are massive incentives. Low cost accomodation is a mixed blessing as much of the services stock is in dubious condition although I believe navy is better than most .
Service bases can often be in isolated areas with few amenities locally , but if you drive and get involved in base life then it is not as bad as for service families who rely on public transport.
Your husband may well be away for extended periods, at short notice , you may well have to move , at short notice , and if you live in service provided accomodation the moving out and in process can be quite stressful , even for an officer.
In the end you both have to be reconciled to the fact that there is a good chance your husband will be , at some point, in a war zone or dangerous area . The next few years , I feel, will only increase the risk of armed confrontations .
That being said the chaplains I have known have greatly enjoyed their time in the services . They have enjoyed the opportunities sporting, travelling etc but the challenges of ministering to a population of young people and their families cannot be minimised , even though the Navy tends to have a less challenging population than the Army recruits.
On the whole though many of the challenges of moving , new people, etc will already have been experienced by ministers and the novel situation of doing it with a more stable financial base for now and the future has been a very decided plus for them , particularly those with families.

Just to be aware the first 5 weeks are the toughest, no leave at all, then there's a family day after which they can leave the premises at weekends,

She had 3 chaplains at her intake.

Not military ourselves but close family members are Army, so might be quite different. I would consider how often, and how long for, he’d be expected to go on exercise/expedition. You will of course have considered the possibility of him being called up for a tour at some point in the future, should we head in that direction.

The type of work can be hard I imagine. The padre is the only form of counselling most of these young people will (or want to) have access to, so I suspect your husband will carry a heavy emotional load in support of them. Living on a patch behind the wire, whilst a low cost option, can be quite isolating and the quality of accommodation can be poor to the point of being dangerous. Ask which housing you’d be eligible for, how the bidding system works and what patches you want to be applying for (sometimes one a bit further afield from your actual base are nicer). Moving location every three years gets lonely and unless you can work entirely remotely it will limit your options as the trailing spouse.

All that said, if you go into it with your eyes fully open this could be an incredible opportunity and you sound like you’re already used to a life of service in many ways. In your position I’d go for it.

I would say if you're used to a big family & church community, you might want to really think about this as being more isolated is a very different proposition.

Hi OP, not forces at all but live close to Plymouth and know a number of navy families. Look carefully at the accommodation. We live a few streets away from some of it and went to a toddler party there once. It was not in great condition - cramped, looked damp etc.

In addition the navy family we knew best had to move a lot, something crazy like every 18 mos. The wife didn't/ couldn't work.

We also know a different family where the husband is some kind of doctor, occupational health? - not sure - but he doesn't ever seem to have to go away to sea, unlike others, and the wife is able to work (also a dr but not in the navy).

So I'd look at accomm and likely leave/ moving patterns really carefully.

Navy bases by their nature tend not to be in such isolated locations as Army and RAF ones, and there are fewer military bases in general than there used to be so you wouldn’t necessarily have to move as often as in the past but could find yourselves going from Plymouth to Scotland with around 3 months’ notice. My dad was Navy and we stayed put while he was posted around and commuted back to us, so my mum was also able to have a stable career.
There’s Continuity of Education Allowance which can be used to cover large chunks of boarding school fees though if you think it’s better for the kids to have stability rather than moving schools if he does get posted around and you go with him.

I’ve done 20 years so far and I wouldn’t say it’s for everyone but it’s definitely been good for me.

Go for it, you will have an amazing time. There is nothing like Military life.

Army, not Navy

Padres joining the Army do the 12 week "Vicars and Tarts" course at Sandhurst (properly known as the Professionally Qualified Officers' course - unless they've changed its name yet again). Obviously padres are non-combatant, but this does help test suitability and whether someone would fit in.

Then pretty much get thrown in to it.

I assume the Navy has a Chaplain General's Department - office politicking is likely to be rife!

Yes, padre is an informal part of the welfare team, so can find themselves dealing with all sorts of Stuff, even if the people concerned are not religious. This is partly because they "belong" but aren't really part of the chain of command, so people may feel more "safe" with them than with, say, a welfare officer.

One of the things I just love about naval padres is that although I'm sure there must be a pecking order within them, they formally have floating rank. Which means they assume the rank of whoever they are talking to - all equal in the face of the representative of the Lord

Kids grown why not start a new adventure, I would

Just wanted to message a quick thank you for all the really helpful replies - I shall reply properly after work - I'm very grateful!

@Lollygaggle the risk of conflict is absolutely my biggest fear - I can handle the thought of him working away anywhere in the world...during peacetime! His take on it though is that he could be more useful than ever during conflict, and I know if I had kids who were serving I would find some small comfort in knowing that there are people there whose sole job is to look out for them and offer them hope.

@gotomomo I imagine they were a very long five weeks for you both! I wonder if she knows any of the chaplains we know?

@LondonNQT yes, it sounds like the nature of the job requires some very difficult conversations...DH loves that part of his current role though and views it as a privilege when people open up to him and tell him what's really going for them. He saw just in his week's visit that there are big issues around alcohol use and relationship breakdown, but hopes to be quite proactive in trying to address that if he does sign up. Thanks for advice re: housing, I will make sure to ask lots of questions. I joined him at the weekend and we visited two families at their homes - both were lovely but I'm sure that won't always be the case!

@Spottywombat definitely - it would be a huge change for us. I don't know if it's bonkers or sensible to consider such a big move just as we become empty-nesters?

@JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff - really helpful advice, thank you. DH has been told that he would be expected to move every 2 years, but he would have some say in that so could, for example, move between Plymouth bases or Portsmouth bases to give us longer as a family in an area - but I would want to double-check that if he proceeds any further with the process.

@RAFOfficer thank you - so good to read that after being a military kid you have gone on to enjoy a long career in the services yourself.

@MrsMarzetti i I really appreciate the positivity, thank you! It's such a daunting prospect so it's great to read that there are people out there who are loving it!

@mpsw you have absolutely hit the nail on the head - the floating rank concept is such a good one and from what we've heard from current naval chaplains, allows them to work so effectively with everyone who wants to take up what they offer. It's a massive draw for us as equality is such an important value...we've always instilled into our kids "No-one is above you, no-one is below you"

@Ladyj84 I got goosebumps when I read your post - it could be a MASSIVE adventure, couldn't it? Thanks for the encouragement :)

A big week of change coming up, tomorrow I will be starting a new job, completely out of my comfort zone, it is exciting but still I’m very nervous. My boyfriend is being deployed on Wednesday. It wasn’t supposed to happen yet but the date got changed again, as they do. We haven't managed to spend lots of time together, he’s been sorting things and trying to spend time with his family (which of course is incredibly important) I’m feeling a bit low because he’s going away and a few other things but I’m trying hard to put on that “it’s ok” smile, I want him to go away feeling calm and happy as much as he can, that’s so important, I’m Just going to miss him. Time to keep busy and carry on I guess. Sorry small little rant there.

@NavalGazing

In his situation, it would be well worthwhile to take up the offer of the Acquaint.

There's no obligation attached to it and it will help him to decide whether it's for him.

If the FT role isn't quite right, he might want to look at the Reservist Chaplain role too.

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers/roles/chaplain

https://www.royalnavy.mod.uk/careers/roles/reserve-chaplain

How would the timing work with your younger DC who I assume is coming up to A-levels?

Do you own your current home? Tied accommodation is fine while you are in the job, but you need a plan for having a roof over your head when you are both retired.

How is your new job going @Donnat84? Hope you're doing OK today on the big day - has your boyfriend left now?

Thank you @TheSquareMile, the fornal acquaint will definitely be his next step after his informal visit - we did a fair bit of talking and thinking over Christmas and he is/we are interested in exploring further.

You're right @TheBossOfMe , our youngest sits A-levels next summer, so we wouldn't be moving anywhere until after then. We have been advised that it is a lengthy recruitment & training process though, which would need to begin this summer for an autumn 25 move.

@NavalGazing

My DD's friend who is a chaplain deployed this week, he is both excited and nervous apparently. Whilst he's not allowed to say where they have taken warm weather kit and it's no secret where there's problems currently. It's such an important role - my dd also appreciates she gets time off if nothing crucial is happening of course, to attend the weekly service, it's an hour or so away from work and reminds her if home

Dd deploys soon but can't tell us a thing, we won't hear anything for months, I wish she chose a different branch!

Hi @fromhellsheartistabatthee, we don't currently own our own home, we have accommodation provided via DH's church, which we would leave when he leaves the job, so no difficulties there, but you're spot on about needing to plan for retirement - we would be looking to save HARD if he goes for it.