DH considering joining the Navy aged 45

[NavalGazing]

Hi there, I'm brand new to this corner of the board (though I've spent some time reading & searching previous threads to see if anyone else has been in a similar position). I can't find anything so here goes - I'd love to hear your thoughts please?

DH has been asked (by a friend who is currently a naval chaplain) to consider joining the Navy as a chaplain. DH recently spent a week with him down in Plymouth and had an interesting, thought-provoking and enjoyable time. He could see himself enjoying the role and finding it very rewarding.

We've been married for 25 years & have two teenagers: our eldest has just gone away for Uni and the youngest hopes to go to Uni in Sep 25. DH has led a local church for the past 10 years and becoming ready to move on, and I have a fixed term contract which also ends in summer 25 - so lots of change is approaching over the next 18 months regardless of whether DH joins. I can be fairly flexible with my job as I usually move every 3 years or so (project management roles)

If we seriously consider it, DH has been advised to do a formal 'acquaint' visit next May to get the ball rolling for recruitment which could take 9 - 12 months. I feel really excited about the prospect but it would mean a big move away from all our family and friends in the Midlands (we have always lived locally to our massive family and church community) and considerable periods of time alone for me, in a new area (though we do have a much-loved dog to keep me company!) The pros would be a doubling of salary for DH, low-rent accommodation and an opportunity for us to boost our pensions and savings for our future/retirement (our finances are in bad shape currently as DH has been on a very low church wage).

I'm really interested in hearing the views as those already living a military life - what have I not even thought about? What are the major pros and cons in your lives? Is there anything about our situation which would make you say "DON'T DO IT!!"?

Thanks in advance.

That must be tough @anothernamechangeagainsndagain, I hope that she settles well and that you hear from her as soon as possible.

My dad is a retired naval commando chaplain. He joined up in his 30s and they finally made him retire in his mid 60s. I was very young when he started but old enough to understand our standard of living was very much improved, especially once he'd been in a few years. The difference between parish life and forces life was pretty stark! I know my mum got used to him being away pretty quickly, and she got support from the family liaison people (can't remember what they're actually called sorry!)

The combat thing was pretty grim but I think that's because he spent a lot of time with the Marines, his Navy postings were much more chilled.

From my point of view as his child I thought it was great, we've got to see and do lots of cool stuff because of his job. And he absolutely loved it.

My parents are in Plymouth and if you do travel down as part of the decision making process I'm 200% sure they'd love to talk to you about it - PM me if you'd like me to put you in touch!

Better pay and better pensions weighed against getting zapped/seriously injured in some war zone where he might not agree with the rationale of British involvement.

No brainer really.

I’m a vicars daughter, I cannot imagine my dad doing this though. I’d probably be wanting him assessed for Alzheimer’s. I simply can’t reconcile praying for peace, with joining the military. Much as we would like to think of our country as the good guys, I am sure that’s not always the case. Do you think this will be an issue for your husband? I think it’s a very difficult burden to carry.

@CrapBucket

The chaplains are so crucial, the support they offer to particularly young people on board, and to those who have issues happen home cannot be underestimated. It's a very different way of being clergy but invaluable

You might become eligible for the Forces Help To Buy Scheme at some point, OP, which could be helpful for you.

https://www.forces.net/military-life/how-does-forces-help-buy-scheme-work

@bobomomo , I know it must be a very difficult and important clergy job. Teens and early twenties people have it hard these days, and then to add the pressure of military life is harder still. THEN pile on doing terrible things because of a war some arsehole politician sent you to. I feel it is unavoidable trauma upon avoidable trauma. Really hard to counsel someone through an awful situation that our generation should not have placed them in.

@CrapBucket

Actually I think you are wide of the mark when it comes to war - most of the military I know do support the conflicts they are currently facing (I can't comment on previous ones as I wasn't involved then). I speak for all but I know people currently in conflict areas (they can't say where or phone home obviously) and they are proud to be part of the international effort.

Your DH might find it helpful to get in touch with an army chaplain, Martin Wainwright (he's on X etc), who pretty much did what your DH did - went from leading a large church to being an army chaplain. He did it via being a reservist chaplain initially, took a sabbatical to go on deployment for a few months then went full time. Similar age to your DH at the time I think, with older teenagers at the time. I'm sure he'd be happy to chat through his experiences (assuming he's not currently on deployment).

That makes me even sadder for those youngsters. No one should feel proud of being part of a war.

Hi sorry I had logged myself out and couldn’t get back on here 🤦🏻‍♀️ he has left been gone for nearly two weeks. I have to say it’s starting to sink in now. It’s not like I’m not used to this but it just seems a bit harder this time, I’m not sure if it’s because I wasn’t in the best head space. Hope you are well to

Hi, a quick update - after a loooonnnggggg recruitment process, DH was offered and accepted a RN Chaplain role last month. He'll start his training next spring then find out whether he'll be based in Plymouth or Portsmouth - I'll move and join him some time over the summer. Both adult kids will be living where they are studying but will hopefully often come 'home' to us over the holidays. So it's all change!

I'm really excited - our family & friends have been hugely supportive and pleased for us (which makes the thought of moving away from them even harder!) but also I'm pretty nervous about the huge changes ahead.

I was grateful to everyone who replied, your views helped us think and talk through lots of angles and make the decision to go for it 😄

What a lovely update @NavalGazing a great time of life for an adventure. Good luck.

Congratulations , throw yourself into base life you will have the opportunity of meeting some really interesting people from all over the world . Enjoy.

Congratulations! Very excited for you both. Don't forget blister plasters for initial training (and he won't have time to contact you) but beware that being older he will be exhausted by the first 5 weeks, after that it sounded great, the bars of Dartmouth did very well out of dd

Congratulations, a great life awaits you.

Fantastic news OP, I hope it brings him everything he hoped it would, and that you really enjoy it too.