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Forces sweethearts

If you have a family member in the Royal Navy, RAF or army, find support from other Mumsnetters here.

ALONE IN GERMANY - WOULD LIKE TO CHAT

42 replies

BitTiredNow · 25/09/2007 22:29

DH in Iraq again - second tour this year - away for 7 months this time. Have DS1 - 4, DS2 - 2 and a half and DD1 - 6 months. Cannot stand the patch mentality of 'if you've got a headache, I've had 3 brain tumours'. Can anyone empathise?

Bad day today with the children - all complete pains, and ended up with me sitting on their bedroom floor bursting into tears - DS1 came and gave me a big hug, and asked why I was sad, when I tried to explain how hard it was for me to do the mummy and the daddy jobs he said 'but you don't clear out the drains'. When I said about the clearing up and bathing and cooking and baby etc etc, he gave me a big kiss and said (I am crying now as I write this) 'Mummy if they are not dangerous jobs, tell me and I'll do them for you', and after I got downstairs from cleaning up he said 'Mummy, can I give you a hand with anything?' I am so scared I am putting an old head on young shoulders.

OP posts:
mattysmummysyummy · 25/09/2007 22:33

Dont worry I am sure we all experience it, have a cuppa and leave everything else, yes it will be there in the morning but is that really so bad ?? keep strong x

fransmom · 25/09/2007 22:35

((((((((((((((((((btn)))))))))))))))))))

i am not in the same situation as you but i didn't you to go unanswered. i sometimes feel similar to making dd old before her time. when i last had a headache she said, "mommy, i get a plaster for you?" bless her heart, she is only 2y5mths

dolally · 25/09/2007 22:37

sweet little tinker your ds sounds. He'll probably enjoy being helpful. And if you let him see you happy and relaxed again asap he'll just learn that everybody has tears sometimes and it passes.

3 children under 4 is a handful with or WITHOUT a dh away, and living in a strange land.

BitTiredNow · 25/09/2007 22:37

mmy, do you think I am overreacting? Maybe, but I am knacked with the 3 of them, and wish I could just go to sleep and know I would have more than 30 mins before one of them was up.....

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 25/09/2007 22:40

Bless his heart! My eyes are welling up. Has DH only just gone? I'm sure you're not making ds grow up too quickly. He just wanted to look after mummy, because he knew you were upset. Have you got any support there?

BitTiredNow · 25/09/2007 22:48

He's been gone 2 months now - but only a break of 10 weeks between tours (baby and a house move in between). I have some good neighbours, ans some that are only too quick to tell me how hard things wre for them, but no family to call on.

OP posts:
littlelapin · 25/09/2007 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littlelapin · 25/09/2007 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dolally · 25/09/2007 22:51

Have you got any childcare, nursery, ?

anyone who would have your toddlers for a couple of hours?

MaureenMLove · 25/09/2007 22:57

Oh how helpful! I expect you couldn't give a flying f*ck how hard it was for them, like you say in your op, its the headache, brain tumour thing. I wish I could wave a magic wand for you. Do you think that you are just ultra knackered tonight? It can't be easy with a weeny baby, let alone toddlers too. Please forgive me if I sound patronizing, I'm not, but can you try to prioritize things? Like keeping the house clean. Does it really matter that much, as long as the children are clean and fed? And do they have to have a bath every night? Unless they've been rolling in mud! I'm sure there's lots more you could maybe, put on the back burner, at least until you've re-charged your batteries a bit.

callmeovercautious · 25/09/2007 23:00

Just wanted to say hi. My Mum went through this with us and my Sis and I are quite stable people now My DP although not in the forces also works away at times and even 2 weeks is tough for me.

Get out of the estate and walk around town - even if it is a strange place and they are all talking German! Shop in the German Supermarket, not the Naffi, from time to time. The space will do you good. Make the most of the toddler group types things. Deep breaths may be needed at times to get over the "2 sheds" (love that BTW!) but you may well find some real new friends as well.

Desiderata · 25/09/2007 23:00

Whereabouts in Germany are you, BTN?

scaryt · 25/09/2007 23:01

Your little boy's words brought tears to my eyes. I can only imagine what you are going through. I'm vile when I'm knackered and have lost it a few times and I've only got one (child that is!). So glad that at least there are some good neighbours it really doesn't help when there's noone near to call on.

I hope it gets a bit better and you get a good night's sleep.

And definitely bugger the housework and only bath when truly necessary!!!

BitTiredNow · 25/09/2007 23:02

Cheers Maureen and LL - I am trying to prioritise - but the house isn't exactly gleaming - dirty washing queuing down the stairs for the machine - 2 oldest both have the shits - excuse language - can't spell the polite version. I know what you mean about 2 sheds - I call them ''elevenarifes - if you've been to Tenarife.....'

I just miss DH you know? I have none to process this stuff with. I know a lot of people are real single parents and so maybe I shouldn't whinge, but just want a bit of a blub......

OP posts:
BitTiredNow · 25/09/2007 23:03

herford, Desiderata

OP posts:
callmeovercautious · 25/09/2007 23:04

Blub away! We all do it on here from time to time!

NormaStanleyFletcher · 25/09/2007 23:08

BTN - oh I feel for you - DH did his tour in falklands when DS2 was quite young. I was better off than you though as I was still at home and had family in the country (so call me half a shed, or sevenarief)

Feckin hard

MaureenMLove · 25/09/2007 23:09

Winge away! Sound off, shout, scream, whatever you like. That's what MN is for! I've only got a small shed and I haven't got a brain tumour either! I do have to go to bed now though, I've hit the wall as they say! I'll check in with you again tomorrow - see if you're feeling a bit brighter. I'm not a forces sweetheart btw, just a mum, just like you. Nite nite.

BitTiredNow · 25/09/2007 23:13

chuckle chkuckle to both of you - nite nite - 'spose I shoudl sleep too - not the same without Dh to tell me to go to bed........

OP posts:
Desiderata · 25/09/2007 23:15

OK, I don't know where that is without checking the atlas.

But your poor girl. Such a lot of work for you

Of course, the trick of life is to be pursue happiness, however knackered .. especially when knackered. You must, obviously (if you haven't already), let things go a bit on the housework front. You simply can't do it all, so don't even try.

Modern life seems to produce so much expectation. Don't buy into it. Modern women are being asked to do so much more than their forebears. We have little/no parental support, we're scattered across the globe, we have little/no friendship networks.

Your eldest son is doing what all fine young men will do. He's helping his mum. Don't worry about the 'burden.' It isn't a burden for him. He wants to help, and it will stand him in good stead.

You don't need me to tell you that he needs his 'kid' 'time'. So, when he's helped you with chores (yes, I know ), and the other children are in bed, make some special time for him. Read a good story book together. Watch a cool DVD.

You're doing just fine. And if there's a perfect childhood ... well, I'd love to hear about that. I truly would. You do your best, and you kids will love you for evermore ... and they won't forget a single aspect of it. They will know that you raised them almost single handedly (because Dad was away doing immensely worthwhile work, btw), and they will always love you for it. And they'll love their Dad, and all.

So, missus, don't fall apart. xx

BitTiredNow · 25/09/2007 23:16

love you DD - thanks. Really Thanks

OP posts:
callmeovercautious · 25/09/2007 23:21

des - always got a wise word! The special time for him is a good idea!

If you are worried about the nosey bunch coming over unannounced just shut the door on them, ignore the house for a day or two. No matter how much you tidy in the morning, by night time with 3 los it will be just as bad again!

Going to bed too .. enjoy the space in the bed - and no snory farty noises to keep you awake

MaureenMLove · 26/09/2007 13:53

How ya doin' today BTN?

vnmum · 26/09/2007 14:39

BTN - i can imagine how hard it is. i know what you mean about the neighbours. to be honest without generalising i nthink most army wives are like that (and i am an army wife) in that they have nothing better to talk about than how someone isnt coping or they just want to gossip. i dont mix with any of the wives from my husbands unit as thats what they are like but i have managed to make some freinds from other units by going to toddlers or Home start. i find that these friends arent interested in gossiping and bitching because they dont know the unit if you know what i mean.

if there is a home start in herford (im sure there is) maybe give them a ring and see what activities they are running. even getting a volunteer to come in to help at the moment while your so tired might not be a bad thing.

10 weeks between tours is terrible.

hope you are feeling better today

HomeintheSun · 26/09/2007 19:14

BTN, I'm with the others on the housework thing. You are doing a hard job in difficult circumstances but you're doing it brilliantly.

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