Anybody else feeling the strain lately?

[FreakOfNature]

This isn't something I wanted to post in Relationships as I think the dynamics of forces life are somewhat unique in their nature.

I can't say DH and I are having issues at the moment, but the stress of work, constantly needing to be away because they're short staffed, nobody else can do the job etc is starting to wear me down. DH is away ALOT (3 month non op tour last year, about to go away for 5 months next month) and I often wonder what the point of us being here is. I have plenty of great friends where we are (Thank goodness!) but it is still hard going sometimes. The more he's away, the more detached from family life he becomes and it's hard to get that back when there's no let up.

We have always had a fantastic, strong marriage, I understand the nature of the work and I don't mind being on my own with the kids...but there's only so much one can take [sigh]

PS MNHQ Any chance of a chocolate emoticon?

dh driving a desk abroad, and I'm with him, but long working weeks expected (often 10/11 hour days), and sometimes more, and I have to admit, I am looking forward to him retiring in 2 years.

Morale is getting low; even with dh who is normally very positive. The comments by the MOD chief nobhead sorry, civil servant Ursula Brennan to the Defence Select Committee the other day in which she said MOD civil servants far more flexible and capable than HM Forces personnel caused a minor explosion, and when I queried why the comments were made he said she didn't understand the military and cared less. When I asked why she was in a top MOD post, the comment was 'shit rises to the top'. He has met Ms Brennan.

I suggest the next time she goes to Bastion, they send her out on patrol with MOD civil servants and then she can see how flexible they are.

Yes, yes, yes. Dh now in an 'easy job' as a break and working all hours. I will stick up for ursula b as I have just left the army and my last job was mod, she is a pretty switched on cookie and does some good things. However on the point that mod staff are given voluntary redundancy and military staff compulsory redundancy, that's not too annoying until two people in my department were given redundancy and then the great and the good thought they were really important so we recruited to replace them. Wait a second, my taxes have just paid their redundancy, if they are that important why didn't we turn down their application, prob too scared of the unions

Yes.

Thank God he leaves next year because I can't stand another minute of it.

He was away for Christmas, just had his next to 2 leave periods cancelled and is away for all of the summer doing op Olympic. Might see him in December for Christmas if we're lucky.

Happy - dh in job abroad that liaises daily with MOD and unimpressed by Brennan when she has stuck her nose through the door out here. Her 'flexible' Civil Servants could not do what dh has done throughout his career in the RN.

I'm getting fed up of posts being cut and having to pick up the slack. I've just extended for 2 years, but am starting to regret it. Where I work used to be 2 mil, 6 civ. Now 1 mil, 3 civ. We lose another civ in the summer and she won't be replaced - we are coping now BUT will be taking on 150 more soldiers in Apr.

I think I'm due a breakdown...

It's crazy, a sinking ship. I don't mind dh working the way he does but I would like him to be rewarded, that doesn't necessarily men financially but some job satisfaction would be good. not taking paternity leave for either ds's is pretty rubbish but if he did take it he would be working even longer hours to catch up. Bring on redundancy.

OMG don't get me started on the pensions!

I'm on mat leave so I'm alright Jack!

But morale generally seems to be very low at the moment. I often think it's great the public have in recent years been very supportive of help for heros, military wives etc still lots of benefits but (I cant believe I'm actually going to say it) ...... Here it comes.... It ain't what it used to be

I am also on mat leave and was told by MCM that I wouldn't get my mat pay as I couldn't do the year pay back as I was at my 16 year, they clearly haven't read their own din, took me four months to fight it. Nothing is easy, it was the flexible, capable civ serv who I had to fight.

Yup.

DH shore based locally at the moment but is out of the house for 11-12 hours a day. He's also duty tomorrow, which means this will be his 3rd Saturday or Sunday duty in January.

When he is home he's stressed and grumpy so not exactly enjoying having him shoreside at the moment

How long till you go back happy? I've got 2 mths and think will be ready to go back and had a year off so mustn't grumble about that.

Arrgghh they keep messing up my pay/tax as well though!

Then to top it all this morning a brown envelope dropped on the doormat informing me the hovel of a quarter were in has been regraded from grade 4 to 3 (no upgrades or refurbs done) so thats £40 a month for that when were on a pay freeze.

Can see why so many are wanting to jump ship..... It seems to be coming from all angles, more work, less people, less incentives, pension question marks hanging over us, rubbish JPA, Rubbish housing, allowance cuts, august leave ban.

Urrgh moan and groan... I still love it though

Think I'm institutionalised!

I'm really feeling the strain at the moment because all of the neighbours kids have decided that the front of my house is a great place to play football or rugby. Apart from the fact that this involves trampling all over my plants and lawn and regularly "accidentally" hitting my car and windows with their bal butl I also have to put up with them hammering at my door and demanding I go out in the cold and rain to search my back garden when their ball comes over my wall. Their parent say they are only "children playing" but why is it only me that has to put up with the damage and the noise. The children tell me they can't play outside their own houses because the neighbours complain, but when I complain they tell me to F**k off and mind my own business - they'll play where they like. Where do I go from here?? I spend all day in work listening to parent who whinge that they can't get enough "quality time" and I'm expected to cover when they go home early, and then I go home to a din that sounds like my living room is in the middle of a school playground. It's about time parent actually took responsibility for bringing children into the world!!

Hmm could you completely take you out of the equation and ask the community police man to deal with it - or just dont answer the door when it's them ringing? It's tough as when it's nit affecting the other parents I think they have Rose tinted glasses if what their DCs are getting up to.

Are your neighbours bothered by it? Could maybe help to get others on board?

Slaw I think you need to calm down not everyone is the same you know!

Slaw, I don't know if you are blue or green, but if you are in quarters then you should have been told which families officer/ welfare dude is responsible for your patch. If duh is away at the mo and you are finding the additional stress of noise etc difficult then maybe ask them to intervene? Neighbour disputes can be miserable - was it saltire who had it for years? If dh isn't away, then maybe one of you could go round and chat to the parents again? If you aren't on a patch then community police is a good idea. Make sure you aren't overreacting though... Kids balls do cross fences, and if no damage is being done then it's hard to make a complaint. I assume they are only out there playing at kids time, not until midnight?

Anyway, until the thread went a bit awry, just wanted to say we left last year and it was the best decision we ever made. Dh was past his pension point though, and so that made it easier. So we're both civvies now. So many of our friends are applying and getting redundancy, and so many are jumping anyway if they don't get it. . It's so cyclical. The same happened with options, and the workload has increased massively since then.

Fortunately I didn't see the civil service comments. I can imagine how that improved morale.

Out of body so many people on my FB commenting "leave mate I haven't looked back" when others have statuses complaining about x,y,z I'm in for life (well 22) it's just such a shame so many of the old plus points are fading/gone.

I think one of the worst things is the social it seems to be dying

I tell you what gets me is DEs attitude of "well you pay next to nothing for them what do you expect" errrr no that really does not wash with me bucko!

Ranty rant rant

You need time and energy for the social side though, and with workloads as they are in a lot of places, there's just nothing left over. Either that or it becomes a three line whip, and enforced socializing is never quite the same... Especially when you get billed for it. you have to make the most of it, but you need some energy left over to do that!

Our last tour was somewhere we had been ten years previously (first time it had happened which was interesting). It was kind of sad to see that no money at all had been spent on infrastructure in the interim, the systems that used to work so well had been degraded in terms of manpower and command level support, and were failing, and the social side was pretty much non existent. It can't have been altogether a coincidence that morale was generally lower, there was a much higher rate of marital separations, dv and even low level vandalism etc by patch teens. There were people working their butts off to keep it all together and provide community and welfare support, but the vast majority of the military in those posts had pretty much given up. V depressing. A sort of 'protect your own, I'm alright, jack' attitude had taken over, with everyone sort of fending for themselves and vying for who was most likely to get picked up for redundancy.

That's probably a little unfair, and might have been just to do with personalities in post, but the contrast with the place ten years earlier was stark. I joined up in 1991 and have so many great memories, but when I left just over two years ago I just felt relieved. There was a sort of ominous cloud on the horizon. Dh carried on, but I'm equally relieved that the uncertainty is over for both of us now, however hard civvy st is!

I told DH last night that I have had enough, 20 years done and I am at the point where I need to leave. some of you will remember last year I was hoping to be selected for promotion and wasn't well if it doesn't happen this year i am going to put my notice in straiht away, if I do get promoted I have already decided I will do the 1 job and then put my notice in.

I think what has been said here is right, too much to be done by too few with too little. There is no enjoyment in work anymore.
I think I may join Eve in her breakdown

Hi MrsS what about your pension though? Can you not stick it out a couple more years?

Just wanted to hop on and agree with you all, DH has done 10 years and we're all for signing off at the 12yr point. We've both always been a "stick-it-out-for-the-full-22" but recently he's working ridiculous hours, no morale, several things which mean he's doing 4 or 5 different jobs and then getting slagged off for not doing his real job (that he doesn't have time for), rent going up cos they built another supermarket nearby despite not having double glazing/proper central heating in the house... We've had it, just looking for a decent job to go to and we're off!

Planet, MrsS is an officer, so the 22yr rule doesn't apply.

Breakdown booked...I'm looking at Jul 12, just in time for hols (as long as it doesn't get cancelled, freaking Olympics grrr)

All joking aside I think I miss the social side more than anything. I've found myself avoiding the Mess more and more. Hardly ever go now, whereas DH and I used to be the last to leave! Some of it is DD, granted, but a lot of it is that it just doesn't seem 'fun' anymore. Listening to people moaning about work as they get more and more drunk isn't my idea of a good time! Didn't go to the last 2 Xmas Draw's, which is unheard of!

I like the people I work with, but not much else.

Planetpotty I'm pensionable now

Eve fully agree where we are at the moment doesn't have an active mess, it's only open on a Friday lunchtime and has a "do" about 4 times a year none of which are very good and not worth the cost of the babysitter
DH and I were always the same - last to leave, always had loads of friends out of work but here we have more civilian friends than military

Ahhh so a commission is the way forward then

8 to do, but then add on time for the queen and 2 pregnancies and it's more like 10 loooooong old stretch to do. But I honestly don't think I would be brave enough to leave (who else will pay me this well for knowing so little )

direct entrants usually pensionable at the 38/16 point (38th birthday or 16 years service, whichever is the latter). or that's what it used to be anyway. dh was on reg c and did 21 i think. as i started on a short service commission my pension isn't payable until i'm 65, when they give me 3p a week or something.