Does anyone else make TWO meals for their toddler EVERY NIGHT?!?

[PennyBenjamin]

DS is 20 months, and he has always been a picky eater, but I just told myself to relax and he'd come to it eventually. Breathe

But for the last 6 months I have been making two meals for him every night - first there is the meal I would like him to eat (i.e. something the rest of the family eats, something nutritious, tasty, something with meat in it), and then when he's sat in front of that meal for 15 minutes and refused to even taste it, I give him his second meal (scrambled eggs, or plain pasta, or cheese and toast (note: not cheese ON toast, he wont touch that....))

I really try to be relaxed, I do, but some days it just destroys me as I throw another delicious home cooked meal in the bin. How long do I have to do this before he will start eating it? And what age do you think I can say "This is your supper, and if you don't eat it, then there is nothing else"?

If he's hungry, he'll eat it. If he knows he'll get something else in 15 mins, he'll wait. If he doesn't eat tea, he'll just be really hungry for breakfast next morning.

er... no. If we're having something he won't eat, then I'll make him something I know he likes.

Give him his meal, if he doesn't eat it tough! You must be wasting an awful lot of food...

My god you are making a rod for your own back!

I am assuming he doesn't have any siblings yet. Just imagine if you go on to having another 2 dc, do you want to be doing this x3 every night??

I have 3 dc and they get their meal in front of them and they either eat it or they dont. I dont expect them to eat anything unusual but they do need to eat a good healthy diet.

What you are showing him is he can ignore all the food that he doesn't really want to eat as you will make him something different in 10 mins time.

Come on, man-up and show him who is boss

I make 3 or 4 meals most nights .

Both my dd's have sensory issues with food (both autistic), dd1 is very fussy (only eats rubbish), dh is also very fussy.

Tonight i had Salmon, new pot's and veg, dd's had Garlic bread, chicken nuggets and chips and dh had pie, chips and sweat corn.

It doesn't bother me at all, i would like dd1 to eat more healthy food but if i serve up veg to her she will be sick so its best just to give her something she will eat.

I tend to alternate. Most nights I serve up something I know DS will eat, and then once or twice a week I will make something I'm not sure whether he will eat or not. I try to always put something in the meal that I know he likes, and if there's something he doesn't like (e.g. eggs at the moment) then I will avoid them for a few months before trying again. I don't fuss if he doesn't eat though and he nearly always has a fromage frais or 2 afterwards whether he has eaten or not, because otherwise he wakes up hungry and I don't think he associates this hunger later with finishing dinner (or not) yet.

So over a few days he's not completely starving but he has lots of opportunities to try new things as well.

Oh god, oh god, oh god, I was afraid I get answers like that! You're all right, I know!

I guess I was assuming that if I put different food in front of him enough times then he would eat it eventually. And I really didn't know if he was too young still to just eat what he was given, but I'm sure you're right.

You're also right that he is a PFB but he does now have a baby sister, and I definitely plan to do it differently with her.

Right, thank you all for the reality check, I will quietly beat myself around the head for being such an idiot, and sort this out!

Puts on manning-up hat

20 months is pretty young to be laying down the law imho.

DS1 was pretty picky at that age but is now 3 1/2 and is a really good eater. He's old enough to understand that there's no more food coming, and that he has to try new things.

I'm not convinced that a 20 month old would.

I'd offer a selection of things you know he likes plus the odd new thing, keep the atmosphere relaxed and wait till he's a bit older to begin the battles.

All IMHO of course

You've created a routine for him where he waits out the first course and along comes the second. There's not much motivation for him to eat the food you'd like him to.

Stop dividing the food into the healthy meal and the preferred meal. It sounds like you're imposing some fairly artificial divisions anyway. There's no reason a nutritious meal can't include some of his preferred foods.

In my experience a plate that allows for choice and grazing is much more likely to be eaten by such a young child. Why not serve up a small portion of what you're having (much less overwhelming to approach) with a bit of toast, a slice of cheese, a few slices of fruit and veg or salad, and just let him get on with it. Then once dinner's over, it's over.

Tonight for tea I made chicken, wedges, carrots. DD (3.1)ate a bit of skin off the chicken and that was it. I know she likes chicken, and carrots, and wedges. So I left her to it. She has always been picky but was improving, v tired and grumpy today though.

DS is 16mo - he ate a bit of chicken, carrots, wedges, a mug of grapes, half a blueberry muffin, and a small hadful of easter egg

At the moment she will basically only eat cheese sandwiches, cheese on toast, or philly and breadsticks. Plus yogurts, cakes, desserts/treats etc, of course

I know I will offer her some toast at suppertime though but I try really hard not to make meals into a battle or use food as rewards. Not working ever so well at the moment though!

OK, I clearly simplified a bit when I divided into the two meals. I have, of course, tried all the things you have suggested, including putting lots of things on a plate and letting him get on with it (he just eats the stuff he likes and leaves the rest). To be honest, I have been following the "relax, he'll come to it" approach, which is clearly not working - after more than 6 months he still only eats the same small range of foods.

Now the problem is not malnutrition - he eats really healthy things (eggs, cheese, pasta, fruit, yoghurts) and he's on an above average weight percentile. My problem is that he absolutely will not increase his range of foods, so we cannot all eat the same thing, and I end up cooking separately for him, which I don't want to go on forever.

I feel stuck between the "relax, it will happen eventually" advice, and the "you're making a rod for your own back" advice, and am honestly at my wits end. As you can imagine, with a tiny baby I am surviving on little sleep, and the last thing I need is to spend ages cooking to find something he will eat.

I don't know what to do.

Really, don't worry about it! He's so little. Just make what you're making for your dinner, give him a small serve, put other stuff on the side. Serve and relax.

It will happen. He's only 20 months old, he's got loads of time. You're tired, you have a newborn, there will be easier times to extend his palate and the range of food he enjoys.

I have three close together. Once it was 3 under 3, now they're 9, 10 and 11. We all eat together, and they enjoy all kinds of foods I would have thought impossible when they were toddlers - spicy salamis, curry, teriyaki salmon, asparagus, all kinds of foods that we love too.

It's a long process, but it doesn't have to be painful or stressful. If you try and hurry it, chances are it'll just take longer.

It's not unusual to cook separate meals for very young children and adults. If it's not the way you want to do it, there are simple ways of catering for both - prepare the meal you want but also throw a handful of pasta on to boil to serve on the side. So, just what you've been doing, really.

You don't need to spend ages cooking to find something he'll eat. You've already said he eats healthy things.

Truly, relax, it will happen. Perhaps the key is to relax your expectations and take the pressure off both of you at meal times.

Just cook him food he likes, relax it doesn't matter if they have a limited diet. Getting them to eat the food you like is just a struggle that I can't do. I cook one meal for the kids and one meal for us. They wouldn't eat a thai curry and I don't want to eat pasta & pesto. We also have to eat at different times anyway. When they can eat at 6.30pmish then we will all eat one meal. My 1 year old is in bed by 6pm so still a way to go.

Batch cooking for the kids and speedy meals is the way to go.

At the weekends we tend to eat the same lunches and expand their repertoire that way.

I dont' want to eat toddler fodder each day and they don't want to eat my food. Stop the struggle.

I would just relax over it TBH - he sounds similar to my 18 month old. With a new baby as well the last thing you need to be worrying about is whether he will eat anything he is given. He eats healthy foods, and he is not underweight - so I would keep serving things he likes, alongside things he doesn't, and one day he will try something new.

Thank you all for your advice. Eurgh, I guess it's just been a long day.

I do normally try to relax, it's just on days like this, as I chuck away yet another portion of home made shepherds pie, that I wonder why every other toddler I know seems to eat everything, but not mine. It doesn't help that it's totally humiliating to visit friends, and he wont eat what all the other children are eating, and I have to make something else (that was yesterday!).

Right, maybe the world will look brighter after some sleep. I'm off to pour a large glass of wine....

Thanks all x

Despite real pressure from DH and MIL, I really resisted offering something different after DS (now 2) refused something, as I could see it going your way, PennyBenjamin. Utter nightmare and waste of effort and humiliation - ugh. So DS he has gone through phases of going hungry. However, he then just started guzzling milk and waking up all night to do so, so letting them go hungry does not necessarily work!

I have recently gone back to eating with him, and he has completely changed attitude and has started eating hungrily! This is real food, by the way (including curries - Thai and Indian - cranbury), so I don't feel very hard done by, and he gets to experiment with chili sauce on chips (attacked that at a GBK the other day!), curries (as mentioned), fish and other sundries. Sunday roast is with all of us, and he is eating that happily. Grown-up food, I have made clear to him, includes the odd serving of ice cream as well!

You can say "This is your supper, there is nothing else" NOW.

Ridiculous to be making two meals. If he doesn't want it when you serve it, take it away. Produce it every time he demands food that evening. Never ever make a second meal again.

Obviously make sure there is always something on his plate that you know he likes.

Must say, most 20 month olds have a restricted diet, and most mothers just allow for it when they are cooking.

It seems like my children eat everything, but in reality, they just eat everything I cook - because I never put peas in things, I never use lumpy tomato sauces, and I chop onions so fine you can't see or feel them (fortunately you can still taste them).

So while they will eat various 'adult' things at home - they probably wouldn't eat it anywhere else.

a friendly piece of advice ......

"that I wonder why every other toddler I know seems to eat everything, but not mine "

just accept that at the moment that this is the way YOUR child is !!

I nearly drove myself mad trying to get my DD to do things like so and so , to be confident and join in like so and so etc .. life got so much easier for us all when one day I realised that she is an individual and they are all so different ... we now approach life in a way that works for us ...

PS only issue we ever had with food is that she doesn't like fruit .. I worked so hard to get her to eat a whole range of fruits like a friends DD did ...... was SURE the other child MUST have been so much healthier than my DD ..
Could have cried when I met up with same friend a couple of months later to be told " oh fruit eating ?? That was a one week wonder . Kate won't go near fruit now ! "

Anyway , you would be better off trying to get some rest in at the moment, this battle / food programming can wait for now.

Ahh, this is my DS I think - he is 21 months and seems to be much pickier than the others from our antenatal group.

He knows what he likes and he knows what he doesn't. He likes pasta, carrots, grapes, banana, toast, soup...... he won't touch potatoes, broccoli (he thinks it is hilarious though!), cheese, lettuce...... although tomorrow could be different!

At the moment he eats a lot of pasta and I have a load of small portions of tomato/veg/bolognaise sauce in the freezer to chuck over it and I can pretty much guarantee he will eat that.

If we have had something the previous night that I think he might eat, or I would like him to try then I will serve him a bit and probably add a bit of pasta / bread / baked beans to make sure he gets something.

However, he has been through phases of eating hardly anything and on those occasions I have tried (not always successfully I admit) to relax about it, get him down from the table, and that's been that. Generally he has then gone to bed without eating anything else, slept all night and not been particularly starving in the morning.

Sometimes I think he just isn't hungry at dinner time - I guess like we are sometimes.

But yes, it is galling to throw things away and double bad when you see other children the same age packing it away.

They are getting opinions at this age - it's just not right

WingedVictory - I'm so glad your 2 year old loves curries well done, all that hard work.

Sorry, cranbury was that smug? I ought to add, perhaps, that a lot of curries are quite sweet, especially the "korma" end, so it is not such a hard thing for a little palate and tummy (although DS does sometimes produce some vile poos after enthusiasm for something "interesting").

Anyway, I was inspired to try curry after some friends' nursery served it (so it's not as though I thought of it on my own), and it's nice to swap tips on unexpected things They might eat!

I really wouldn't make a battle of it at this age! DS1 was fussy as hell at this age, and while he is still (3.2) very particular about some things like food that's too sticky or all mixed up he is much, much better about trying new things.

I don't stress about food, I don't make him eat a certain amount before pudding, I don't cajole him into 'one more bite' or tell him off. But nor do I make alternatives. I give him mostly what I know he'll eat but also put new things on the side of the plate, and about once a week I try him on something completely new. If he doesn't eat much then he can have some toast or fruit before bed.

I don't give a rat's arse that he doesn't eat the same as me and DH, but I do give him and DS2 exactly the same and between them they seem to take in enough to keep growing! Honestly, I was so stressed about this a year ago and it's got better over time and mealtimes are much more enjoyable.

My ds is being incredibly picky after being a baby who would eat anything up to 15 mo.
So just because he ate something with gusto yesterday doesn't mean he'll eat it today.

I offer him bits of anything I eat (my diet has improved no end, at least while he's awake) and sometimes he'll love the most bizarre things (saag paneer and prawn rogan josh, for example), and he only gets offered multiple meals if there happens to be something in the fridge needing eating (there usually is, usually leftovers from the meal before...) I try to only give him stuff I like so that if he doesn't eat it I can shrug and say "well I'll have it then" - he's very helpful trying to put stuff in my mouth.

Nothing says 'I love mummy' like a pre-chewed raisin...