Death by damn near everything - recipes you've done that should have had a health warning!

[snigger]

I've just come awfully close to recreating mustard gas in a domestic setting.

A word to the wise - unless you have an extractor of industrial proportions, or live in a wind tunnel, don't contemplate the creation of blackened pork on a griddle pan.

I have seared mine and my family's lungs, the cat looks distinctly unimpressed, and there's still a pall of choking spice fog in unexpected pockets around the house. My sinuses feel alive.

While DH coughs up his other lung, could you comfort me with similar tales? Don't make me laugh though, it hurts.

A friend exploded a can of condensed milk trying to make banoffee pie once.

Well I never need to do push the button on my smoke alarm to test it because I set it off just about every time I grill sausages. I haven't yet recreated a WW1 trench experience though, so well done to you for that.

I do make a fabulously delicious Thai duck green curry that contains so much of the bad sort of fat that it'll harden your arteries by just looking at it. [proud emoticon]

My mum once made an exploding haggis! We had to totally redecorate the kitchen- including the ceiling! She had haggis in her hair, hanging off her eyebrows- everywhere.

Not food related but DH rang NHS direct in a panic after cleaning the loo with the dregs of one cleaner and a slug of another. The fumes overtook him so much he ran out into the street in his boxers and lay on the grass ringing NHS Direct to see how likely he was to die before I got home.

I fainted when I got home because he'd tried to clean the loo

My dh's dad tried to cook sausages in th emicrowave when they first came out. He put them in for 20 minutes.

The only one I've done worse than this was cheese on toast - again, mustard was my nemesis, and I spread it (English, btw, not your light 'n' airy Dijon) inch thick on the toast before grilling the cheese.

I'm trying to imagine cleaning up a fragmented haggis, and shuddering.

Roast duck enveloped my kitchen in smoke as the fat burned all over the interior of the oven. The whole house reeked of it for days and the oven emitted smell every time it was used for a while too.
I always get a vision of my arteries coating as I eat potato dauphinoise.

Or the time DH spooned out some Nutella, found it too hard to spread, so he put the Nutella-loaded metal spoon in the microwave...

When microwaves were new my brother decided to see if he could boil an egg in one. The egg was doing fine until he took it out, when it exploded in his face.

Ouch

at this thread.

I once made garlic soup which called for a BULB, yes a bulb of garlic.

Totally inedible.

Ah yes, fond memories of pouring boiling lentil and red pepper soup into the glass blender, turning the dial to max and then watching in horrified slow motion as the glass shattered and the soup made its way comprehensively across walls, ceiling and floor.

When you've recovered, make this. Your arteries will instantly clog and you will die in half an hour but oh, it's good!

Roast chestnuts- always prick the shells as they can shoot up dent the ceiling as they explode and shower dust everywhere that you are still finding days after(hope dh doesn't read this as thought I got away with this one)

cut greaseproof paper down when baking as too high paper touching oven ceiling does catch fire.

Oh and wooden decking is not a good place to put a burned out pan when you left potatoes on too long - still have perfect circle of burned decking left by dh as reminder.

Wow jahnsens temptation.... cream and yes....more cream!

You have to try it once - it is so delicious. My dcs still talk about it 2 years later!

My mother made beetroot soup once. I'm not entirely sure what she did but the kitchen looked like some sort of massacre had taken place in there.

I love this thread!

That blender story's a bit scary. I too have exploded a haggis, just a couple of weeks ago- as eight people sat chatting around my kitchen table.

When I was little, my dad made six bottles of ginger beer, which exploded in quick succession all over his brand new Ford Sierra (it was the eighties!)

SoupDragon, have you checked that your Mum isn't just a highly successful sociopath hiding behind a convenient beetroot soup alibi?

Mine was Christmas cake. Sounds innocent, right?
My oven was too hot - around 20 deg higher than the temperature on the dial (but this was before I got the thermometer). I packaged up the cake and put it in for ages, like you do with Xmas cakes, except I was using an old cookbook in farenheit and my oven was centigrade...375 degrees...

When the stink got so bad that I got suspicious, I took it out. The black outside shell was so hard and solid that you could have stored nuclear waste in it.

I was devastated (it was my first Xmas as a Wife (!!) and I'm a feminist etc...) and it had cost a lot to make. But all was not lost. Once my DH managed to break the thing into two pieces (dropping it from a height onto the hard kitchen floor) I managed to scrape bits of the inside which were ok out with an ice cream scoop and made Christmas cake ice cream with it!

I recently set fire to the bbq and the garden wall while grilling lamb chops. The actual bbq itself was on fire.

my mum made fish crumble once. it was truly awful.

not food, but an old boss accidentally made nitroglycerine once.
Analytical science lab that sampled all sorts of things, most stuff got mixed with concentrated nitric acid (no idea why)

She was analying baby food and cleverly stuck a beaker of nitric on the hot plate and added loads of syrup

the whole clean room needed replacing