Do you let your kids eat as much dinner as they wish, ie seconds, thirds etc?

[sandyballs]

My twin girls were given large bowls of spaghetti bolognaise tonight by DH. DD1 fiddled and fannied about with it, as usual, she is not a good eater. DD2 wolfed hers down and, after asking her sister if she had finished, started to eat hers as well.

I took it away from her and DH thinks I was wrong.

She can't possibly have still been hungry and i worry she is losing the ability to know when she is full. She isn't fat but she is quite a solid girl, although obviously this is never discussed near her. I just told her it wasn't necessary to eat two big bowls of dinner.

I think it depends on the child. I would with ds because he knows when he is full and stops, even if it means leaving the last one or two mouthfuls. He does this no matter what he is eating, whether it is savoury or sweet. I think he is good at self regulating. What I won't do is give him a pudding unless he has eaten the majority of his main and I don't tend to offer seconds of pudding.

Yes, hmc, but "all these" posts have largely been saying "I let my children self-regulate because it actually works for them". Some children need to be told 'no' and others don't, and it seems that most of the parents on this thread have a reasonably good idea of which group their DCs fall into. Those whose DCs don't appear to be able to self-regulate effectively have started restricting food (as with the OP), or engineering things so that there are only salady things available, or similar tactics. So the facts about the FTO gene appear to mesh quite well with the patterns emerging on this thread.

Actually, on that note I'll amend my earlier statement. I let DS self-regulate at mealtimes. He has a bad habit of claiming to be hungry just before bedtime and (if I know he's eaten a good amount that day) I will give him the choice of something very plain and dull or nothing -- because I am reasonably sure that he's not actually hungry but is would rather eat than go to bed. If he's genuinely hungry (which is occasionally the case) he'll eat the plain and boring thing, but generally the "hunger" dissipates pretty quickly. So in practice I suppose I use a mixture of the two approaches.

Mine don't have teh gene that tells them to eat enough! They pick at food like birds and have to be bribed and cajoled to eat. They're both beyond picky and don't have a tooth for fatty foods at all.

a
just checking but are all the people who restrict sure that they aren't hungry

I guess what my thinking is that as growing children (who do grow fast) they need more calories than you may expect

Does anyone have any evidence about the impact infant feeding has on self regulation later on? You'd expect babies fed on demand & baby-led weaned to be better at self-regulating - are they?

Wow, that's interesting about the self-regulating gene.

DD rarely asks for more. DS does and he is skinny so I always say yes.

Both are slow eaters but I think if they wolfed down their food, I would make them wait 20 minutes like someone suggested earlier.

Ds is very skinny and an incredibly slow eater. I feel sorry when we have friends for tea who eat at normal speed. Most of the time I end up letting them get down from the table whilst ds is still eating. He has a packed tea at after school care and gets annoyed if I put what he considers to be too much food in his bag. That is because he spends so long eating he misses out on playing.

Not really sure what baby-led weaning is so no idea if we did it or not .

I think you did the right thing.

I do allow my children to finish each others meals occaisionally but if either of them were to become overweight, being as I'm the one that is feeding them, I would feel personally responsible for it and would take steps to correct the problem.

ooo how funny Riven - more confirmation that my DS's are just plain odd - as my "smallest" eater (although the both eat more than me ) - is ermm hopeless not very good at patterns and judging time intervals. DS2 is much better at it and eats like a horse .

Both wolfing down a reasonable large lunch - guaranteed DS2 will be back in around 45 minutes asking for more food LOL.

no - ds will eat and eat and eat and eat if you let him (he is only 10 and while very sporty, you couldn't call him thin). i do limit his portions and make it look like he has more by piling the veg on

i don't think there is anything wrong at all in doing that but agree that it depends very much on the child and their individual metabolism

and i am positive he eats out of greed, not hunger as if he says "can i have some more garlic bread?" and i say "no, but you can have more salad/veg" then oddly enough he decides he is "too full" for that!!!

plus he will say "can i have a snack?"
i say "yes"
"what can i have?"
"fruit"
"not crisps?"
"no"
"i don't think i'm hungry after all"

i win

sorry to go on but this is really a big "thing" of mine with ds.

oh you lucky thing MN -

DS2 - "can I have something else to eat"

what do you want?

DS" - " biscuits"

us :"no you can have a plain slice of bread"

DS" - "OK"

20 minutes later

DS2 "muuuum, can I have a biscuit please"

i think you were totally ight OP -

also don't forget your food-refuser may choose to refuse more meals in order to please DD2.

I am experiencing similar issues myself - if i leave the dog in the room, the toddler throws her bits of dinner cos she wants to see doggy happy. Dog now goes out at mealtimes.

oh he would eat the bread!! and quite if we have bananas in then he will eat them til he turned yellow if allowed!

i choose my words and storecupboards carefully...

Wow, great response, thanks for all your replies. haven't had a chance to read them all yet.

This thread is really interesting. Both of my dds (aged 5 and 2) have tremendous appetites and wouldn't have the ability (imo) to regulate portion size.

Dd1 is overweight (by one less than half a kilo according to the school nurses) and we are monitoring the situation.

I have found Hecate's advice on here very helpful.

Often the stereotype of slightly overweight children is that of the parents letting them eat a diet of doughnuts, milky bars and chips.

My dds literally eat anything (apart from lettuce!), they love fruit and veg. I am not boasting, just trying to explain that for those of us with children who love food, we as parents have a responsibility to ensure that they don't overeat on a regular basis. Even so-called healthy pastas, lean meat dishes etc will put weight on if the child is already eating sufficient calories.