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Original poster

Do you let your kids eat as much dinner as they wish, ie seconds, thirds etc?

68 replies

sandyballs · 03/08/2009 22:50

My twin girls were given large bowls of spaghetti bolognaise tonight by DH. DD1 fiddled and fannied about with it, as usual, she is not a good eater. DD2 wolfed hers down and, after asking her sister if she had finished, started to eat hers as well.

I took it away from her and DH thinks I was wrong.

She can't possibly have still been hungry and i worry she is losing the ability to know when she is full. She isn't fat but she is quite a solid girl, although obviously this is never discussed near her. I just told her it wasn't necessary to eat two big bowls of dinner.

OP posts:
JodieO · 04/08/2009 09:31

Yes I do, who am I to say they aren't really hungry? Only they know when they're full or not.

sarah293 · 04/08/2009 09:41

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EyeballsintheSky · 04/08/2009 09:42

Yes but if it only happens as a once in a while thing then there is no harm. It's when you're having big portions every day that the problems start. Presumably her sister doesn't always leave her dinner. And if she does then maybe smaller portions for both?

That sounds really preachy . Sorry

domesticslattern · 04/08/2009 09:42

Hmmm, I'm with JodieO.

As a child I was allowed as much savoury food as I wanted but not endless sweets, puddings, crisps etc. The way my mother engineered that was simply by not buying much unhealthy food, so they weren't around as temptation.

At your DD's age I regularly ate seconds and thirds, and was thin. The problems started as a teenager when I tried to diet, restrict food etc. Surely food should not be a battle ground, but laid out for kids to eat as they wish (within reason), without particular food being a treat/ forbidden/ naughty/ just one more/ shame on you for eating that etc. It is important to me, if I can, that my DD does not count calories but learns to eat when she is hungry and stops when she is full. The best way to achieve that is, I think, to make food a non-emotional issue, and not to restict it because I, as an adult, have a particular idea in my head of what is right or not.

I have to add that she is only little now so I may end up eating my words, as it were.

BonsoirAnna · 04/08/2009 09:44

I don't believe in the concept of self-regulation.

I think that eating wisely is an acquired skill and that it is best to start teaching it to children early in life.

sarah293 · 04/08/2009 09:44

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HuwEdwards · 04/08/2009 09:51

I'm with all those who think seonds and thirds is a bad idea.

My older DD would eat and eat and eat and she's a tall slim thing.

I often have to announce loudly "The kitchen is now CLOSED!!!"

If she asks for more I send her away from the table and tell her to come back in 20mins if she's still hungry. Only on a vert rare ocassion has she come back, and then I give her a small portion more (if I have it!) and put this down to a growth spurt.

I just think regularly giving kids huge portions, stretches their stomachs and they then expect and need that size portion to feel full.

BroodyChook · 04/08/2009 10:00

My DS (8) regularly eats a bigger meal than me, and sometimes goes back for seconds. He is very tall for his age, and very slender. I do let him have more veg etc, but restrict 'bad' foods (eg chips, pizza etc) We are a tall, skinny family who are all very active. What ever he eats, he burns off. DS2 (6) is a picker, constantly pushing his small portion around his plate, and taking an hour to finish his meal. He is more solidly built than DS1.

JodieO · 04/08/2009 10:16

I was also allowed to eat what I wanted and as I was also a very active child I needed it. I was always small and am still a size 8 now and I eat whatever. My children so eat a lot but they are active and growing and all very skinny. They aren't allowed lots of "bad" foods but I cook my meals from scratch and they are healthy with lots of different vegetables. If they have seconds or more they also have more vegetables too. Some days they want more and others they don't, this shows (to me), that they can and do regulate their own eating based on their own hunger levels.

I don't believe it's a learned skill, I think it's naturally there but that sometimes when people have been not allowed to listen to their own bodies they "forget" how to hear it. It's the same with drinking water, some people's bodies mistake thirst with hunger because they haven't been allowed to listen to their own signals for so long that they no longer know how to.

BonsoirAnna · 04/08/2009 10:17

JodieO - I think you are contradicting yourself! Listening to your body and knowing what it needs is an acquired skill in itself.

JodieO · 04/08/2009 10:20

Anna - not in my opinion, it's not learned it's something we all have but can be unlearned by not being allowed to listen to it. Ifswim, I'm not explaining it very well! Blaming my brain this morning.

BonsoirAnna · 04/08/2009 10:23

I think it is something we all have the potential for, but need to learn to use!

FAQtothefuture · 04/08/2009 10:26

Yes I do - if they're hungry they're hungry. Often even DS2 will say he's had enough after one plate ful - but equall he'll often finish of my and DS3's dinners as well .

MitchyInge · 04/08/2009 10:27

obviously it depends upon how many calories they have taken in that day/across the week relative to physical activity levels - however tiredness and thirst can masquerade as hunger, so I'd be sure to have a jug of water on the table too

is it a regular thing or was it a one off?

FAQtothefuture · 04/08/2009 10:28

Huw - we've tried the "come back in 20 minutes" thing previously before deciding to let them have seconds - and without fail DS2 in particular will be back asking for me food - and eating it.

MitchyInge · 04/08/2009 10:32

maybe she is on the cusp of a growth spurt, or are those a myth?

PortAndLemon · 04/08/2009 10:33

Yes, but mine do seem to self-regulate. DS in particular will pick at his food some days but other days want seconds, and is very active and far from fat. It does seem to even out over a period of a week or so, so just as I don't force him to eat when not hungry I don't force him to not eat when he is. If I had a child who didn't seem to be self-regulating properly then I would probably take a different view.

thirtypence · 04/08/2009 10:37

I had a shocking time with ds at the weekend because I didn't listen to his constant cries of "I'm hungry". He was miserable, unreasonable and inconsolable.

The next day I let him eat as much as he wanted (largely all crap too because we were on holiday and it was what we could grab) and he was a much nicer child despite being stuffed full of sugar.

expatinscotland · 04/08/2009 10:37

I let mine each as much as they want because they're both Twigletts. They need to gain weight. I have a hard time finding clothes to fit them. DD1 is super tall, too, for her age. When she falls ill, she gets prescribed build-up shakes.

hmc · 04/08/2009 10:46

It's lovely all these beliefs about regulating food intake - but shall we consider the facts for a moment:

www.nature.com/ijo/journal/v33/n1/full/ijo2008174a.html

Some people have the gene for self regulation, others are lacking it.

Hence some children need to be told 'no' and others dont.

FAQtothefuture · 04/08/2009 10:48

ooo hmc - can you summarise that article in basic English please .

I think my DS's have the self regulatory gene - just with enormous appetites to go with it. None are over weight, all tall for their age and if anything slightly underweight for their height.

Cost me a blinking fortune in food though

hmc · 04/08/2009 10:49

www.foodnavigator.com/Science-Nutrition/Gene-variant-associated-with-food-intake

More on genes and food intake from other side of the coin

hmc · 04/08/2009 10:50

Lol FAQ - just skip to conclusion. There is a gene linked to appetite regulation - the implication being, that for some children we need to manage their food intake and it can't be learned by everyone as Jodie sort of implies (sorry to single you out Jodie!)

Overmydeadbody · 04/08/2009 10:51

It would depend on what the food was, what DS had done that day in the way of active sport, and whether or not there where seconds anyway!

Usually I cook enough for each of us to have one portion.

Sometimes he asks for seconds of pudding because he likes the taste of it, not bcause he is hungry. I always say no then.

notyummy · 04/08/2009 10:55

This is an interesting debate. We have recently started restricted dds breakfasts because she would eat 3/4 HUGE bowls of cereal. 6 weetabix for a 2 year old anyone?? She can now have ONE big bowl of cereal and then as much fruit as she likes.

We have started the same thing for other meals. If she now says she is hungry after main/yoghurt/fruit and a few bits of chocolate, then she can have plain brown bread or choose some fruit. She rarely opts for these....

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