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Original poster

Do you cook separate meals for you/dh and the kids?

134 replies

pinkwhistle · 07/02/2005 04:21

Just wondering how many mumsnetters cook something for their children different to what the "grown ups" are having?

I know it is sometimes necessary to modify meals for very little ones, but ds is a bit fussy and also dd has certain allergies I have to be careful of, so I sometimes make one thing for them and something else for us! Maybe about twice a week...

I have a friend with a 6 yr old dd and 2 teenage ds's, and she regularly cooks 3 different things - one for her, one for dd and one for the boys!

Anyone else?

OP posts:
charliecat · 07/02/2005 18:57

I cook some vegetarian(for me), something not vegetarian(for dp) and 2 little inbetweeny meals. So used to it now I dont give it a second thought.

moondog · 07/02/2005 19:06

mp, that to me would be a real power struggle.WHY should you get up and cook something else! I wouldn't describe bread as having zero nutrients. Plenty's the time my dd has just had that.
Re the pastry, I would just have put a portion on his plate, calmly ignoring protestations and just let him eat what he wanted.
They won't starve! Agree that the hungriness on holiday would be stressful but I wouldn't start somethink like this on or near holiday time.
Do the rest of you enjoy your food by the way? Are you snackers,or food snobs (like me!!)

Not having a go at all, just really interested in why this is an enormous issue in the UK and Britain especially.
Very few other countries subscribe to the notion that there should be separate meals for any but the youngest children.
I really am worried about the effects of staggered/separate meal times/foods for different people, not just from a personal perspective but also a professional one.

moondog · 07/02/2005 19:07

Sorry, mean UK and USA

bea · 07/02/2005 19:09

i cook for whole family and dd generally eats what we eat... if she doesn't like anything (or says she doesn't!) the rule is try a little bit or just keep it on your plate...

there are days where she will eat hardly anything at all and then a week of scoffing evrything in sight... however i think i've got to make a little more effort on the fruit front as i;m not a very good fruit eater and therefore setting a bad example!!!! bad mother!!!

bea · 07/02/2005 19:10

oh and 9 times out of ten... we eat altogether!!!

trying to get brownie points from Moondog!

Hulababy · 07/02/2005 19:13

I do agree on the eating together thing wherever possible. And again we are very lucky as pretty much all night DH is home by 6:30, so we can all eat together then. DD normally has an afternoon snack before hand, either at nursery or home. However, tonight DD has eaten on her own, as DH isn't home yet. But I did sit with her, and have a cup of tea and a chat with her.

moondog · 07/02/2005 19:15

Sorry bea, I'm really not trying to be a smug smartarse!
Maybe it's just that in our extended family of VERY keen eaters, we actually have to wrestle the big treats out of the hands of our various broods!!!
It's so hard for people to eat together I know leading the lives they do.
I happily sacrifice other stuff so that we can do this properly (eg no tv in our house in Britain,spending less time separately with other people so that we can spend more time together.)

motherinferior · 07/02/2005 19:19

I don't eat tea with the inferiorettes; they're used to eating at 4.30pm at their childminder, and quite frankly I'm not on for a meal then. We do eat lunch together Fri/Sat/Sun (although DP got us into a dreadful habit of letting the then toddler DD1 eat separately at her little table in front of the telly ; a habit which I've now firmly got her out of) and that is usually a fairly 'child-friendly' meal (especially if DP, whose cooking is not always of the most sophisticated, is cooking). Lots of garlic, though.

princesspeahead · 07/02/2005 19:21

all three of my children are in bed and asleep by 6.45 (they take after me - incurably lazy- ) so there is no way we can eat together in the week. they eat at 5.00 and dh is never home before 7.00. weekends is it for us en famille.
But on the bright side they have NEVER eaten a meal in front of the television, meals are always eaten at the table, chatting. (Interspersed with me leaping up from the table every 2 seconds to catch the 4 yr old who believes in eating whilst doing laps of the dining room)

princesspeahead · 07/02/2005 19:22

oooh sorry MI, that wasn't a dig re tellywatching, just a crossposting

motherinferior · 07/02/2005 19:25

No worries, Principessa, I save my huffery for other things.

princesspeahead · 07/02/2005 19:25

don't think I've seen you in a huff, MI. Does your red hair get the better of you every so often? You always seem such an oasis of calm.....

moondog · 07/02/2005 19:28

My cousin's 9 year old came on holiday with our tribe to France one year. She is incredibly fussy and the family eat complete shite to boot, so the first few days was a constant 'I'm not eating that.Urggh!!Yuck!'
We all completely ignored her, didn't agree or disagree. By the end of the week she was eating like us.
Unfortunately now slipped back into her old bad habits. Came to my house for lunch with her mother and sister the other day. When I pulled a lovely free range roast chicken out of my AGA (just call me Martha ..)and put it on the table, both girls said
'Urgghh.omigod Mum...it's got BONES!!!'

Unf***ingbelievable......

morningpaper · 07/02/2005 20:03

lol at bones!

Moondog: I don't get up and make something for her, I just make sure that there is something she WILL eat that has SOME nutrients in it. Warming up some beans is no trouble and I serve it with her meals. Sometimes it'll be an egg.

We do all eat together - 6pm on the dot! It's like the 1950's here...

I come from a long line of chefs FFS so we are definitely a foodie family...

morningpaper · 07/02/2005 20:05

p.s. I'm always stealing her food too... Tonight it was "Are you going to eat that chicken or..." - You'd think she'd fight a bit harder!

paolosgirl · 07/02/2005 20:08

No, they always have what we have. We try and eat together, but if dh is home later, I'll eat with the kids at around 6ish, and I plate up some for dh for when he gets in. Sitting down and eating with my kids is one of the few times in the working day I get to chat with them before they get too tired.
They eat what they're given, and although I'm not too fussy if they don't finish everything that's on their plates, they must have at least tried some of it if it's new to them, and if it's stuff they've had before, they've to eat a good chunk of it.

mrsflowerpot · 07/02/2005 20:36

DS was an amazing eater until about 18months, ate everything we put in front of him and I was soooooo pleased with myself, I honestly thought I had done that, yeah right. And then he just stopped. Nothing I did different, I didn't suddenly say, now you are of age my son, here is the junk food. He just stopped. He's nearly 4 now and still quite picky, he has about half a dozen "proper" meals that he will eat (eg roast chicken, spag bol, shepherds pie, fish pie etc). He'll eat fish fingers and sausages too, of course, but he doesn't get those often (fish fingers more since I've been pregnant and craving them ). He won't touch a piece of fruit, even when all the other children are eating it at nursery and he won't try anything new. I don't cook replacement meals, if he won't eat what's in front of him he doesn't eat at all. And neither dh or I is a picky eater.

We eat together 3 or 4 times a week depending on dh's work pattern, and when we do we all have the same meal, but frankly, ds's repertoire gets boring. I've finally figured out (after 2.5 years) that the worst thing I can do at mealtimes is turn them into a fight. I know ds is getting a balanced, if boring, diet, and I cannot be bothered with the battles trying to force him to try new things when he is just so resistant to it - he's always welcome to if he wants to, and we always offer him different things when we eat them. He's just not very adventurous at the moment - hopefully that will change.

PuffTheMagicDragon · 07/02/2005 20:58

Sometimes we eat the same (75%), sometimes not, and if necessary, I'll make the boys' food a variation of ours. Eg, we had some puy lentils the other night, but I gave the boys rice as a substitute with a few of the lentils mixed in.

nikkim · 07/02/2005 20:59

I don't have a problem with dd eating but with my dp who was raised on fried egg and chips or anything out of a tin.

Dd and I have our dinner - she will eat anything apart from lettuce which seems quite sensible to me! Dp then has his dinner on his own. We even have separate shopping lists in the supermarket as I cannot bear any of the processed junk he eats but that takes me back to the controversial hotbed of snobbery so I will say no more.

bamboo · 07/02/2005 21:22

I wouldn't dream of preparing two separate meals. We all eat the same. I do tend to cook more of the things that I know dd will eat though as she can be quite fussy and unadventurous. Agree with Freckle that it's basically a control thing. If dd doesn't eat dinner she can have bread and butter or fruit. Always allowed pudding because I wouldn't serve up anything crap. I figure there's nutrition in yoghurt, fruit crumbles etc. Depressingly she'll always eat well at nursery.

HeyEnidYouveLostWeight · 08/02/2005 09:08

we do the same as pph. I love cooking and love trying new recipes out on dh - things that the girls wouldn't tolerate! But they get good homecooking too (I live in my kitchen, and if anyone was wondering my pc is in the sitting room, to the right of the kitchen door - hence my ability to cook food and surf mumsnet simultaneously).

But I do admit to sticking both dds in front of a video with a plate of sandwiches and other bits and pieces if I need 40 minutes 'off'.

colditzmum · 08/02/2005 09:34

We never eat together as a family, it just does not happen. However, the meal dp has cooked is the one that is provided, take it or leave it, and I back him to the hilt on this one.

Bozza · 08/02/2005 09:47

We have always eaten something like 95% of meals together. At weekends (ie Friday to Monday because I only work 3 days) we eat whatever I have cooked. Then on my work days we eat the frozen leftovers. We almost always eat between 6 and 6.30. DS is always given the same as us (although when he was younger I used to substitute frozen peas or sweetcorn for salad). Also when he was younger he would have tea at nursery at 4pm and then another tea at home with us. But now thats too much for him, so he sits at the table while DH and I eat and has fruit - currently faves are a banana and a kiwifruit.

DD since weaning has eaten at the same time as us. Sometimes she can manage family food (she is 9 months) such as spag bol, chilli with rice/jacket p, jambalaya etc other times she has her own food.

I am a firm believer in family meals and we all eat at the kitchen table. Went to my parents for tea on Sunday - soup and homemade bread in the living room in front of the TV. We all had trays and DS was sat on a stool at the little table and it took him even longer than usual to eat because of the novelty of the TV.

WideWebWitch · 08/02/2005 10:02

I'd love us to all eat together as a family but it just doesn't happen in our house very often. Partly because ds is a fussy boy - he eats very healthily and is vegetarian but has the blandest tastes possible, so he will eat plain pasta with tomato ketchup and plain veg but he wouldn't eat any home made sauce on it. And he'll eat lots of fruit and yoghurts and nuts but won't touch my lovely roast veg or homemade beefless bolognase. Dd is hungry at 4.30-5pm which is before dp or I (whoever's working) gets in and she's at a stroppy 'I want to feed myself' stage so we're mostly on finger foods with the odd bit of (some homemade some jars) lentil hotpot or something shoved in by in betweeen her mouthfuls of grated cheese or strawberries. Dp and I almost always eat together though. I WISH I could find a way of us all eating together but it just seems impossible given the circumstances atm. We do try at weekends but don't always succeed. I love cooking too and think I'm reasonably good at it but if ds won't eat it I don't make him.

I'm interested in the discussions about what to do if a child won't eat what's put in front of them. I think I'm in between moondog and Morningpaper in that I do cook ds what he wants (so maybe plain pasta but I will make a rule that he has to have some veg but can choose which veg) and dd will get the same if possible. If ds wants something else afterwards then fine, but it has to be something he gets himself, so fruit or nuts or yoghurts. The deal is that I'll make his food (and try to get dd to have the same) but if he wants more food or suddenly decides he doesn't want it I'm not cooking again, he has to help himself. But we have junk in the house SO rarely that whatever else he has will be something good for him, fruit or something so I'm not that bothered, he's definintely getting a healthy diet. I have awful memories of being made to eat semolina and therefore can't stand the thought of forcing ds to eat something he really detests. Tell me again, those who eat together in the week, how do you manage it? I would describe myself as a foodie btw, and I'd say 95% of the stuff we eat is organic.

Tiggiwinkle · 08/02/2005 10:10

We all eat together but I sometimes have to cook seperate meals-DS1 is a coeliac so cannot eat everything we eat. DS5 is ?Aspergers and will not eat 95% of what we eat-if I did not prepare him something that he likes he would quite happily go all day without eating.
Luckily the other 3 will eat anything!