The totally foolproof, quick to make dessert...

[FireandBrimstone]

... please tell me it does exist.

My track record for any kind of cooking is honestly the pits. I've committed to bringing something for dessert for an upcoming, small dinner with friends and would welcome suggestions please?

Either something super super simple but elegant, or even something I can shop-buy and then spruce up a bit for serving.

Complicated by the fact that at least two of the other guests are extremely competent, confident cooks (but they rarely think about dessert and I'm the one with the sweet tooth hence the offer to contribute!)

TIA!

This is how my mum used to make it in the 90s - we only had a desert on a Sunday and it was such a treat!

I often buy frozen chocolate roulade from Tesco or cook depending on number of people to feed, place on nice white serving plate, sprinkle raspberries around it and serve with a jug of pouring cream.

If actually cooking I make Raymond Blancs Apple and blackberry crumble or a pavlova which can become eton mess in case disaster strikes

Both of these posts! I've been had a problem with it setting but I've always done individual pots with a couple of raspberries on top and either ginger nut biscuits or short bread. Or this chocolate tart is very easy and delicious
https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/no-cook-chocolate-tart

Nigella Nutella cheesecake very easy and impressive!

www.nigella.com/recipes/nutella-cheesecake

Buy fruit strudels from the freezer aisle and a pot of custard.

I'd much rather a non-cook brought decent chocolate, fruit and cheese than an 'easy' pudding.

Or Vin Santo and cantucci.

Pavlova is my go-to easy but looks like it's not dessert. Make the meringue the day before, whip cream, add fruit - I like berries on own or with peach/nectarine or kiwi. Don't worry about any cracks, just cover them with cream.

I agree with

Lemon posset
No bake cheesecake
Banoffee pie (the easy version with pre made tinned caramel)
Eton mess
Tiramisu

I will add

Nigella’s salted chocolate tart - crushed Oreo base so no baking

Nigella’s choco hoto pots - like a chocolate fondant but in a ramekin - these do need cooking last minute though but dead easy

Apple turnovers (made with pre made puff pastry) and vanilla ice cream - old fashioned but delicious

Orange and almond cake (the one where you boil the whole oranges) served with creme fraiche

Semifreddo - especially good served with wafer curls or little crisp biscuits eg Jules Destrooper

Home made chocolate truffles

Even easier...buy the pavlova base! M and S do them!

Eaton mess with bought meringues

Watching 👀

This is ridiculously easy.

prettysimplesweet.com/no-bake-chocolate-tart/#wprm-recipe-container-12721

I make it with a mix of dark and milk chocolate oranges and decorate on top with the segments.

Everyone raves about it.

I was just about to post asking this very question so thank you OP!

This would not fly...

Strawberries
Exquisite vanilla ice cream
Cadbury flake

Nothing can go wrong. Everyone loves it.

Coconut milk rice pudding - will look out te recipe tomorrow but dead simpld

Even easier Lemon Posset, no cooking

Can of condensed milk
150 ml double cream
150 ml lemon juice

Thoroughly combine the condensed milk and the cream. Add the lemon juice and beat with a balloon whisk (you can use a fork but it will take longer). The mixture magically thickens and if you leave it in a fridge for several hours, or overnight, goes nicely stiff. Serve with lemon zest/crushed ginger nut biscuit on top/in a brandy snap basket with fresh berries/in individual small dishes or one large bowl.

I cannot stand strawberries, the smell makes me feel ill.

I love Nigella's Barbados cream with any kind of fruit. You beat together roughly equal amounts of yoghurt and double cream (for 6 people use approx 300ml of each), put it in a shallow serving bowl and cover the top with a blanket of Demerara or brown sugar. Leave in the fridge overnight and the sugar turns into a wonderful fudgy caramelly layer while the cream underneath stays tangy to contrast.

I make a broken Rich Tea with eggy chocolate rum ganache “salame”. Roll up in grease proof paper and leave in the freezer. Serve in slices. The rum makes all the difference!

Chocolate Torte

1pt of double cream whisk to soft peak
1lb chocolate melted, I use half dark and half milk
5tbs rum
Mix it all together and pour into 9" round tin which has a generous layer of crushed Amaretti biscuits in the bottom.
Best left for 24 hours before turning out of tin so biscuits are on the top.

Might be too late foe the OP but for others looking for ideas:

Nigella's Irish cream tiramisu is fab, just use a cheap own brand Irish cream unless you have some Bailey's to use up (unlikely I know! )

A couple of comments re previous suggestions:
Schwartz mulled wine sachets are great for pears poached in red wine (add sugar to taste, it's too tart without). You can use up others in red cabbage as well as mulled wine.

Barbados cream is fabulous, I often use it as a side dish with poached fruit.

Coconut milk rice pudding is fab. I sprinkle with Demerara sugar and brûlée it. It actually goes very well with poached fruit too.

Most people hate puddings unless they're really well executed.

Or really simple.__

Reading through all these wonderful ideas makes me wonder why I fuss with elaborate desserts when I could just do these instead.

Ginger nut log is so easy and delicious! 😋