Help! My 5 year won’t eat ANYTHING and is losing weight

[Helapaloosa]

First of all, I do not mean to insult anyone but I would like advice from parents who have dealt with a child who does not eat and what has worked for them.

My 5 year old has gone on full eating strike. He was never a great eater but would eat enough to sustain his weight and would always eat a variety of healthy meals. But over the last 6 months he has barely been nibbling on any food, does not eat any carbs anymore, even dropped how much milk he takes.

In a day, for breakfast, he would barely finish 200ml milk, at lunch take a bite of sandwich, one or two piece of fruit, will eat yogurt for snack and then maybe two mouthfuls of dinner. He has now lost over 2 kg weight in 3 months and is dropping centile.

I have tried the following:

• having him involved in making the meal- still barely takes a bite
• no pressure eating as a family, will still take over an hour to eat in the meal
• eating out and setting an example, still wouldn’t barely take a bite
• offering a variety, high calorie meals, hidden veg etc still won’t even take a bite.
• he is obviously not eating enough throughout the day and not even grazing

He is now taking the tiniest bites of his meal and the meal times has become trigger for him and he becomes very anxious at home and at school.

Does anyone have advice about how we can manage the situation better as it is causing a lot of stress at home as well.

See the GP urgently and the dentist in case there is any pain with teeth or gums . This sounds much more severe than fussy eating .

@Abd123

Are you in the UK? Just wondering as you've made a direct appointment with a dietitian.

If you're in the UK:

1. See GP, you need investigations for weight loss and blood tests usually. Things like iron deficiency can cause loss of appetite in kids.

1. With the significant weight loss: GP will need to do urgent referral to Paediatrician for further investigations.

1. It sounds like ARFID to me based on the information provided

1. Keep a weight diary in the meantime (a once a week weight is enough, daily weights are not helpful) so that the GP/ dietitian can objectively quantify the weight loss (a certain percentage of weight loss is required before Paediatrician referral so this will ensure your child's referral is of good quality).

1. You're doing the best you can. This is way more common than you think.

1. Have you noticed other signs of autism/ neurodiversity?

1. Has this happened 'suddenly' or been having slowly over a number of years?

I'd go to GP first, as dietitican wil probably want to know that possible medical causes have been investigated. My eldest has had various problems with eating, many sensory/anxiety driven but also some medical ones - tonsils, constipation.

GP will take seriously if there is that much weight loss.

You have already done so many of the things that would usually be recommended OP for eating issues relating to neuro/psych reasons. I think physical causes need to be ruled out. You need to see a GP in the next few days for them to start the ball rolling with a referral and to start ruling out any physical causes. I second the suggestion of visiting the dentist too in case there's something to be seen in his mouth.

Thank you all for your advice. I wanted to give you all an update. I took the advice of letting him eat anything that he wanted whenever he wanted. He prefers to snack a lot which I find can reduce his appetite by meal time. But now I just wanted him to eat anything and that seemed to help improve his weight. He always struggled with breakfast but he would always manage to drink some full fat milk in the morning. I started giving some more milk with his dinner as well which has helped.

The small bites he was taking and eating for long periods really started to put him off his meals. That has improved a little.

The biggest issue with him is that he doesn’t like to be rushed. If he knows there is a time limit like breakfast before school or lunch at school and anyone says the words “quick” “faster” or “hurry up” he will get upset. Although we avoid using those words, we have noticed when we go out or have meals with family, and a family member will
make comment about his eating, he would get upset. He is clearly sensitive about it. We have tried to reduce the stress about food and try not to make a big deal about not finishing the meal which has eased the pressure for him too.

There isn’t a pickiness about certain food, it’s more of a general reduced eating. He doesn’t complain of tummy pain and goes for a poo daily without issues. We saw the GP and they have referred on to the paediatricians. In the mean time we are due to see dieticians too. He has always been an extremely stubborn child and seeing the comments, it maybe hard to believe but I truly believe this is all emotion/behavioural rather than any physical concern. Hopefully things will start to improve.

Thank you for updating us OP, you've been on my mind and I had hoped it was all well.

With eating disorders, or disordered eating it is best to remove all pressures. That's probably why your little one does so much better with snacks. They're small low pressure safe foods.

Restaurants and cafes are high stress environments with loads of sensory inputs that are out of control, and even well meaning family members commenting on food or weight add more pressure, even if its positive eg "he's not got tin ribs any more has he?" Or "glad to see he's put weight back on" or even negative ones like "come on, eat up".

It takes away from our ability to judge what our body needs too, so we overeat when we're full or undereat when we're hungry.

Definitely tell your family they need to cease discussion about food around your little one, or if you can get away with it, limit or restrict visits to them and/or restaurants.

My DS, 5, hates being rushed and luckily his school are so understanding and they let them have snacks and drinks available so even if DS doesn't manage lunch at lunch time, he isn't denied the chance to eat, the snacks are available, and nobody says anything else about it.

You're on the right track, and you're doing so well. Kids don't come with a manual.

My 7 year old is going through a similar phase. It is really worrying. I think it is tiredness at the end of term and a bit of a virus. Is your son otherwise well? Have tried to give my DC a milkshake today - they sipped a little of it and then left it. The only thing they will eat is ice cream and cheerios so we are going for that for now to at least get some calories in.

No advice, but a dietitian will want to see a food diary, so it's probably worth starting one now - they they (and you) know exactly what 'not eating much' is.

Thank you and I really appreciate the support. I’ve not experienced that growing up, always just did whatever my parents said so found it hard that my little one would just flat out refuse. As there isn’t really a physical problem, I’m just learning how to approach him

I would say it got worse after repeated bouts of viruses and an episode of tonsillitis. Usually get worse after illness but picks up again after a week or so but this has been on a steady decline over the last few months.

Thanks. Will start keeping note of it

Hope you are all well and I wanted give everyone a quick update. We had seen a paediatrician who advised some bloods. Thankfully all was ok, and DS was not iron deficient but I was advised to give iron with his supplements. I was giving Abidec and tried Minodex which was recommended to me for improving appetite but neither of these contained iron. Since starting a more wholesome supplement, and reducing the pressure at meal times, DS appetite has improved and is also getting some breakfast cereals in which we haven’t been able to do in 2 years.
He has also started school which he is loving and making a good attempt in the school meals. He is no longer feeling anxious talking about food but still is a little anxious when the dinner ladies/teachers comment about not finishing meals or need to eat faster.
Most importantly, he has more energy and is finally gaining weight.
The main point I got from the professionals was to give supplements with iron especially for fussy eaters but be aware not all of them contain iron, so please keep a look out.
I wanted to thank everyone for your advice, I found it the most helpful listening to others who have been through the same and I am very grateful for your advice.

What a great update. So happy to hear this OP. Fingers crossed it keeps heading in the right direction for you.

Glad he's doing better op, such a worrying time for you

I'm no expert but I think you need to see the GP.

But, he is about the right age for lactose intolerance to kick in.

If it is (and it could be 1000 things) then ne might be bloated from the morning milk.

Could you try the milk shake with lactose free milk?

Will he drink other things? Like fruit / veg juice.