Help! My 5 year won’t eat ANYTHING and is losing weight

[Helapaloosa]

First of all, I do not mean to insult anyone but I would like advice from parents who have dealt with a child who does not eat and what has worked for them.

My 5 year old has gone on full eating strike. He was never a great eater but would eat enough to sustain his weight and would always eat a variety of healthy meals. But over the last 6 months he has barely been nibbling on any food, does not eat any carbs anymore, even dropped how much milk he takes.

In a day, for breakfast, he would barely finish 200ml milk, at lunch take a bite of sandwich, one or two piece of fruit, will eat yogurt for snack and then maybe two mouthfuls of dinner. He has now lost over 2 kg weight in 3 months and is dropping centile.

I have tried the following:

• having him involved in making the meal- still barely takes a bite
• no pressure eating as a family, will still take over an hour to eat in the meal
• eating out and setting an example, still wouldn’t barely take a bite
• offering a variety, high calorie meals, hidden veg etc still won’t even take a bite.
• he is obviously not eating enough throughout the day and not even grazing

He is now taking the tiniest bites of his meal and the meal times has become trigger for him and he becomes very anxious at home and at school.

Does anyone have advice about how we can manage the situation better as it is causing a lot of stress at home as well.

if he will help himself even a little bit can you set up a bar where he can acces lots of different small things through the day without any other innteraction with people

You need to establish if this is physical or psychological, so your first call should be the GP and a dentist. Rule out any physical problems from his mouth, throat or digestive system that are making him not want to eat.

Yes I would do this first as it sounds like the anxiety may be secondary to lack of appetite or being unable to eat. I would find it unusual for him to say he's not hungry but be eating so little that he's lost lots of weight and feel tired. OP have you tried allowing him to eat alone in a different room? If the anxiety around mealtimes is exacerbating things then he might do better in an environment with the TV on where he doesn't feel pressured or watched

I was very anxious around eating in front of people as a child (starting around the time when my grandad died). I was afraid that if I didn't eat everything and in a good time, I would be told off (I probably would have been, everyone was so tense at that time). Are the school strict about lunch time (like if you don't clear your plate no play time?) This can cause anxiety to a small child. I was a late teen by the time I enjoyed restaurants (and still not prefer a really chilled place).

What about massively reducing pressure for eating. Instead of set meal times, have a buffet style plate set out from when he is home. Let him eat in front of the TV to help relax him. Have the buffet have lots of variety of finger food, veggies, fruit, cheese, whatever you think he might like. If the rest of the family can eat like this, casually and grazing rather then formal sit down too?

It does sound psychological (although check physical) and it's become such a big hang up that going back will be hard. Take the pressure off then and focus on getting enough nutrition into him above everything for now.

Would something really low press like a box with non perishable snacks in his room work? You could check it to see if anything has been eaten and top up when he isn't around. Not ideal but at least it's getting calories in.

You need to see a GP first.

He could be developing an intolerance or have gut issues or anything.

This isn't necessarily about anxiety the anxiety may be driven by pain or discomforts

Get physical stuff ruled out first.

Yes tried this too. Can sit there for a long time and barely take a bite

It’s less that they can’t play but more rushed. Lunch time is 30 mins and then everyone must go out and play. She’s quite social and chatty and ends up only taking a few bites of her lunch

This works sometime, like the other day we had a BBQ and he picked some food here and there but was not consistent and difficult to provide that sort of meal every day as I am a working mother too

Is she on school meals or packed lunch? If packed lunch, could you pack her less (or better still, get her to help you do it) and only put in what she is able to eat (sometimes huge portions can overwhelm a child). Same at home, don't plate up food - put it in the middle in bowls and let her take what she wants (rule is you have to try everything but only a small amount). This may be less daunting. Have the radio playing to make it more relaxed (or sit outside when weather allows).

OP your child has changed from he/him to she/her on this thread and back again.

if this is a genuine OP then I suggest going to the dentist as well.

It’s is packed lunch. For example in January, he would take a cheese sandwich (2 slices of bread with crust on), cucumber slices and fruit and bring home an empty box. As he has started to reduce how much he eats I have reduced what I put in but now only takes bites out of each. I’ve tried getting him involved with packing it but refuses. Doesn’t tell me what he would like to take. I’ve made lovely shapes and pattern the whole lot but doesn’t work. I’m more concerned about the stark decline in his eating habits.

This is genuine, and I am seeking help. As you can see from my immediate responses that I am at my wits end. As I mentioned originally, I appreciate helpful advice. I was hoping that there are other mothers who have been through this difficulty and will help bring people up and not down.

OP This must be so difficult. I would say first course of action, is a doctor's appointment. An urgent one if possible, especially in case the cause is physical.

In the meanwhile, I'm sure there are some Facebook groups for people in a similar situation - they could prove useful/supportive?

For lunch at school as they don't have much time don't pack much. Mine would and could only ever ear half a sandwich, so one slice of bread with filling un till at lest year 2. Then a small yogurt and some fruit. That was it, never more then this at lest not in early years.

I would however be taking a child with weight loss like thus to the doctors as a matter of urgency. No child should be losing weight, they may gain slowly at times but not lose weight. This is a very serious health concern and should be investigated by a doctor. Weather the reason turns out to be medical or mental health it doesn't matter you need medical help.

I think you need to be referred to occupational therapy and ask them to do a sensory diet because a lot of children with ARFID have sensory issues, and they don't know they have sensory issues and so it can manifest as anxiety around mealtimes.

There are also something like 36 steps to eating, and some children have to relearn each of these steps when they have a set back due to anxiety, because regressions do happen.

Call the health visitors ask for a referral to occupational therapy.

In the meantime consider the Ellyn Satter method of eating. This has helped my own ARFID child so much and we always revert back to it when there are eating regressions.

You must also consult with a GP, as the issue could be mechanical/physiological. Rule everything out that you can.

I would mix his milk with the occasional protein drink too in order to make sure he's meeting his protein requirements.

And lastly our doctors told us if he will eat it that's what you will feed him whether that is chocolate, ice cream, grapes etc, and so we incorporate that into our Ellyn Satter food spreads.

This must be so stressful. I strongly think you need to seek a medical opinion rather than trying to solve this by yourself. He may have a physical issue that's making him not want to eat, or it may be psychological. Anorexia does occasionally present in young children. Please go and see your GP. I hope they can help you.

I'd be offering a proper meal replacement shake like yFood or the Aldi dupe. And getting him in to see a GP ASAP.

I'd be offering a proper meal replacement shake like yFood or the Aldi dupe. And getting him in to see a GP ASAP.

If he isn’t finishing treats or soft food, then it makes me skeptical the cause is psychological or dental pain. I would get him to see the GP and rule out a GI issue.

when Dd was losing weight, our doctors advised really maximizing the calorie content of her food. I added butter wherever possible. She liked both sour cream and cream cheese so I used those as well. A healthy serving of Nutella became a daily food instead of a treat at doctor’s recommendation. We did drinkable yogurt shots. They were really small so not overwhelming.

for dd it was Arfid that was exacerbated by a dental problem that required surgical intervention. We still deal with the Arfid today as a teen, but she is aware of the issue and knows she has to work to keep her weight up and eat enough food variety to be healthy so it gets easier because they learn to take control themselves.

Someone who has a food phobia has a genuine and extreme difficulty in swallowing anything. Imagine what is like when you feel sick with fright. Your throat closes up and you couldn't eat anything even if you wanted to. It's like that.

There is something that's triggered it, and I suspect it is the arrival of the new sibling.

"it is causing a lot of stress at home"

That is going to make it a thousand times worse. With kindness (because I have experienced it), you have to stop that immediately. It doesn't matter how you do it, but you HAVE TO STOP putting any pressure on. Meals and food should be as boring an interval in your day as you can possibly make it. Provide food. Make ABSOLUTELY no attempt to persuade him to eat it. Make NO COMMENT WHATSOEVER about the food or whether he eats or not.

Sorry about the capitals, but it is important.

My youngest was/ is like this with anything that's a strong emotion, excitement, sadness, anxiety, stressed, everything affects his eating. Definitely try to get him to see the GP for referrals if possible to dieticians and potentially occupational therapy if there are sensory elements (noise, distraction, food textures etc). In the meantime, whatever he will eat is good enough. It may also be worth speaking to the school SENCO/ ALNCO and also asking for some flexibility around his eating in school- maybe he can stay longer to eat, or maybe there is a quiet room he can take his lunch to without pressure from staff to hurry up?

We were advised to remove any pressure around food, no food is good food or bad food, there's no pressure to remain at the table while others are eating etc. Some days my son only eats crisps and chocolate, some days he eats a full set of 3 balanced meals plus snacks. Any medical professional I have spoken to has said that any food is better than no food. We also say yes to snacks or meal food if he asks, even if its after he's done his teeth, again on medical advice. We have now reached a point where he will have new foods on his plate and not throw them across the room which is progress!

I should add that my son is autistic, he is 'high functioning' and demand avoidant and masks a lot, and this seems to be where his need to control his environment comes out when he finds the world too much for whatever reason.

Google interoception- its the sense that helps us notice when we are hungry and full or need the toilet etc, and if that sense is slightly off then it can lead to issues around food refusal. As per a PP, ARFID techniques could help as well.

You should see your GP they can direct you to hospital paediatric if they deem necessary. I’ve had many eating issues with one of my kids was always an issue got worse after starting school.

When I went to the GP they phoned the hospital while I was there, was seen at hospital next day and they did various blood tests etc. there’s nothing medically wrong but head of paediatric who we saw told me very clearly my child was to eat ANYTHING he wanted. If it was only cake that’s fine. Carried on seeing them for over a year. You are correct dietician won’t help when you already know what’s healthy.

You need to seek medical advice as too many people will give out advice when they’ve been dealing with what they think of as a skinny kid but you might be dealing with the brink of malnutrition from lack of calories.