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Original poster

Help 12 year old wont eat at school

39 replies

CrispsandChips · 10/04/2024 15:37

Hello everyone,

I tried to see if anyone has a similar problem but couldn't find any feeds.

I need some advice / ideas if anyone has any. I have a 12 year old boy currently at high school and no matter what I do or give him for school dinner he just wont eat his food and comes back with a full lunchbox every single day - this has been ongoing for about 3 years now.

I've tried:

Every creative sandwich / pasta / rice you can imagine.
Dinner money so he can choose his own but the same £5 note has been in his school bag for about 12 months - he doesn't even buy the junk foods!
Taken him food shopping to chose his own.
Filled his box full of his fav's like chicken sticks / jam sandwiches / nutella - chocolate you name it.
Not making a fuss about it but talking about keeping ourselves healthy!

When I ask he will just shrug his shoulders and say "I'm not hungry!", his friends all sit and eat and sometimes he comes home and tells me what's in their boxes and I do the same but he still comes home with a full box. I don't think he even looks in his box if I'm really honest because often nothing has moved when I check!

He isn't like this at home - just school. Breakfast is normal - I will overload him with porridge and bananas / fruit because I don't want him to be hungry and tea time is fine too AND he eats lunch if he is at home - his diet is as varied as an average 12 year old. He doesn't indulge after school either - may have a biscuit from time to time but nothing drastic.

He leaves for the bus at 8am and comes home at 4pm essentially not eating for 8 hours!!!

He isn't under or over weight, tired nor sluggish - and there does not appear to be an impact on his behaviour or learning in the day - I just don't understand why he isn't hungry! I have wondered if he is embarrassed eating in front of people...

Has anyone had the same / similar - what did you do? He will eat when he's hungry right?!?!?!?

OP posts:

Original poster

CrispsandChips · 10/04/2024 16:31

BigPretty · 10/04/2024 16:17

They also don't get long for lunch in my school. By the time theyve queued up for food at the canteen, they don't have time to eat much. It's actually really rubbish imo, but seems to be common in secondary

A couple of people have said this and I never even thought about it! Thank you

OP posts:

Original poster

CrispsandChips · 10/04/2024 16:33

SambaRose · 10/04/2024 16:17

I didn't used to eat at school apart from the odd sweet or can of drink.
It was a combination of other people's food, the smell of school dinners, my own slightly squashed sandwich and the general school environment.
Even now as an adult I get put off food if the surroundings aren't right and I still don't like packed lunches.
If it helps I often didn't realise how hungry I was until I was eating my tea.

Thank you, a few people have said very similar things to you. I never considered the environment in which he was eating I was so focused on getting the sandwich filling right!

OP posts:

Marghogeth · 10/04/2024 16:34

I never ate at secondary school. If he's happy and healthy I wouldn't worry.

Original poster

CrispsandChips · 10/04/2024 16:35

idontlikealdi · 10/04/2024 16:31

If you're overloading on breakfast he probably isn't hungry. At 12 he can sort his own breakfast if he wants it. Dts are 12 and hardly ever have breakfast, neither do I.

He's probably playing football.

My kids get 35 minutes for lunch. School dinners are off the cards as they have to ram it down in five minutes by the time they've got through the queue. They want to be with ther mates not standing in a queue. They don't take much in for lunch but they do eat pizza at break.

Your response makes so much sense and is similar to other people's thank you - I never even looked it from this perspective before!

OP posts:

Librarybooker · 10/04/2024 16:43

An 8 hour gap is not too long. Try sending the least perishable things you can think of and not too much.

My mother always sent me with way too much. I used to bin at least half of it.

Regarding dinner money. Do they actually use cash? Our secondary had a system where you put money in via a parental account and the child used their fingerprint for ID

awesomeaardvark · 10/04/2024 16:49

DS was sensitive to noise and he hated eating in the school canteen. He wouldn't eat the canteen food, and also wouldn't eat any cereal bars etc that I sent him in with. In his case he lost weight after starting in Yr 7 - but your DS sounds like he has a stable weight?

shepherdsangeldelight · 10/04/2024 16:51

CrispsandChips · 10/04/2024 15:51

Do you just continue to send food in with them and remain hopeful?

Show quote history

No. I point out food for lunches that is available in the kitchen. I offer to buy things if he requests them (within reason). He takes food or he doesn't. He's the one getting hungry (or not).

shepherdsangeldelight · 10/04/2024 16:52

CrispsandChips · 10/04/2024 15:52

hmmmm I never thought about food sitting in a bag - temperature etc - I might try a cooler bag.

Show quote history

If you're sending him with a specific bag/lunch box, then that might be the issue.

WhatNoRaisins · 10/04/2024 17:02

I didn't eat lunch at secondary school because I didn't feel comfortable doing so. The reasons sound pretty daft to my adult self but as a teenager they were things that bothered me. It's an awkward age and this isn't uncommon.

Phineyj · 10/04/2024 17:20

My school has a 40 minute lunch break but realistically that is 30 minutes as you have to get to the canteen/eating area and then back to class.

Tbh I struggle to eat as a teacher so have to be very organised and focused.

If he's happy and a decent weight plus not starving after school, I really think this is a non problem! My healthiest trimmest friend doesn't eat at lunchtime either. Everyone's different.

ViaMargutta · 10/04/2024 22:23

I never ate breakfast, ever. Not in primary, secondary or as an adult. I'm not hungry in the mornings. Ate at school in primary, but not in secondary. I always ate at home after school and once more in the evening. No snacks.

Been like that all my life. No food issues/allergies/AFRID or anything, no money worries/lack of food, nothing like that. It's just how I am.

Mum tried forcing me, but gave up. Grew up tall, slim, no health problems. Haven't had any issues due to my diet.

DBD1975 · 10/04/2024 22:32

Don't want to sound alarmist but it sounds like he doesn't like eating in front of people. Sorry I haven't read all the posts but I wonder what he is like if you ever eat out.
I am just concerned if you don't tackle this now it might get worse.
Might be worth having a chat with your GP to see what if any help is available.
Hope you get it sorted out.

HollyKnight · 11/04/2024 02:04

I'm another person who didn't eat lunch in school either because the hall was too noisy, too busy, and it was too much of a rush. I was fine just sitting with my friends while they ate because there was no pressure in that. If he's not losing weight, don't bother stressing you both out by trying to get him to eat at lunchtime. Just make sure he has drinks with him and a couple of snacky things he can eat quickly for an energy boost if he needs it. He can buy something in the canteen if he is hungry.

Mayflower282 · 11/04/2024 02:14

Sometimes the lunch halls are packed and soooo noisy, does he suffer from sensory overload?

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