Does anyone else with fussy DCs look at recipes and get depressed?

[drspouse]

This may be an "us" problem but we have one fairly fussy eater (DS has some sensory issues, he has SEN) and our daughter has an unusual heritage for the UK (both our DCs are adopted from overseas but they have different ethnicities).
I am looking at Spring recipes from her ethnic background and just going "no, no, no, no, he won't try that, no point in even trying that one either".
I may just give up on DS eating any of a meal (I don't cook two meals but if he doesn't want it he is welcome to have a bowl of cereal later on).
They all look so delicious too.. and I think DD would like to try them, and I love to cook new things.

I feel your pain @drspouse . Five in a family - three vegetarians (including one who has never liked cheese), one fussy kid and myself who will eat pretty much anything. I long for the days when I used to be able to make one meal that everyone ate. I love cooking and experimenting with different recipes but it seems pointless when only I can eat it or I have to make so many adaptations. I know you will get people on here that will say "just make it, or let them go hungry" etc but reality is not like that!

Yes, me . There are so many amazing recipes I could make, but DS would eat two bites and say "Can I stop eating now", so we end up eating the same perfectly healthy and pleasant but BORING BORING BORING meals on repeat.

My DS is not that polite - he does usually try it but he spits it out and says "disgusting".
It also means DH and I have both got quite sensitive about our cooking (if it wasn't as good as last time or we have some tips on how to make something better).

Yes. I used to love cooking and finding new recipes.

I have two, my DH and DD. It took me a long time to accept that it was a genetic and deeply rooted sensory issue that I couldn’t battle.

YES! I don't think DH, DD or DS are that fussy individually but put together it rules out so much! I flick through a recipe book (even a family meals one) and know only a few would go down well.

On the bright side however DS (10) has really turned a corner lately and is much more adventurous so am hoping DD will do this as she gets older as she's going through a really fussy phase. I do cook more interesting things rather than stick to the 5 things she likes but it's hard work when she's literally burst into tears at the sight of my food!

Not really. I'm one of those fussy autistic eaters so when I had children we were very relaxed about food and just made something else for those who didn't want the main thing. It wasn't at all uncommon for 5 of us to eat different meals at different times. It also did no harm.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to make more than one meal so it's nice you don't mind that @premicrois but I really miss being able to make new experimental meals - it's a bit like saying "you can no longer play music you like around the house" or "you can no longer knit" (both of which are a huge part of who I am) "because you now have children who don't like it".

It's all very well throwing chicken nuggets in the oven when we adults are having a mozzarella-stuffed chicken Kiev but that's a minor tweak. It's when I look at the ingredients of a lovely sounding dish and he will probably not eat a single one of them.

It doesn't help that he has tuna for lunch every single day at school (and I'm trying to think how to reduce that due to the mercury) and puts about a teaspoon of salt on every evening meal (and therefore I'm not going to make him a ready meal when we are having something he doesn't like).

There comes a point when I develop an aversion to the same meals every single day, it seems unfair that I have to eat things I have an aversion to but DS doesn't!

(Sorry, that was a bit rude. But no, I'm not making separate meals and yes, I miss making complex tasty recipes).

Yep. I wanted to sign up to Gusto or Hello Fresh and quickly realised there was no point as they won’t eat any of it.

Can you batch cook some nice interesting recipes for you one day a week, and heat up a portion for those who’ll eat it while cooking something more plain for the others?

I hear you op! It's such a drag. My two weren't even that bad but now they have left home to go to university after over fifteen years of cooking what they need and prefer, DH and I are almost racing in to the kitchen with renewed enthusiasm to cook all the food that we like!

Doing it all again, I would reserve one weekend night for "parents choice" and as long as there is bread cheese yoghurts and fruit readily available, the DC can like or lump it! Looking back I went far too far down the route of trying to please everyone else and ended up hating cooking!

I feel so much sadness when I see foods that my DD can't eat due to her allergies.

For example, I asked in Paul (the coffee shop chain) if they had any pastries without egg. They had none. I just feel really sad for her that she will miss out on so many things.

I feel your pain, op. I used to do one meal a week that was just what I wanted to cook and then simply serve it with something I knew DC would eat (so the lentil and aubergine stew they wouldn’t eat with the rice they would) then let everyone choose whatever quantity of each they wanted. It meant DC had a fairly boring meal once a week (rice and salad) but that didn’t hurt them.

Now DH and I are dreading our children going off to uni as we will miss them so much but we cheer ourselves up by saying that at least we’ll be able to eat what we like 😂

I'd second making a bit extra of meals they do like and freezing the extra portions for later use. It makes it easy to serve different meals, so I cook a curry with rice, DS then has rice with a favourite like chilli instead. And every now and again he sees what we're eating and asks to try a bit - he generally then rejects it but I feel every little helps.

I had two extremely fussy DCs (at least one of them is mildly ND - dyspraxic, sensory issues) and feeding them as children was at times a nightmare, with so many restrictions, and differences in what they would eat, eg one loved things with melted cheese on; one refused cheese from an early age and is now vegan.

I got so bored with cooking the same bland things again and again. There were times when I encouraged them to try new things, with occasional success, but putting pressure on them was counter-productive (DD would retch and even throw up if I tried to force her to eat something she didn't like or didn't want to try).

But - there is hope! They are now adults, and are both extreme foodies who spend much of their time seeking out new restaurants and sending me pictures of the exotic things they have eaten, or cooked themselves. In the past week or two they have been sharing tips on Ethiopian, Polish, Georgian and Korean cuisine. I would never have believed it a decade ago. I think they both started to improve once they hit their teens.

Due to having a vegan, sensory food issues and an allergy in our family, we have got used to making 2/3 different meals. The alternative is making extra of meals they like and freezing, so they can have that and you can cook something else on some nights.

Doing it all again, I would reserve one weekend night for "parents choice" and as long as there is bread cheese yoghurts and fruit readily available, the DC can like or lump it
We have a couple of times had a weekend night "Mum chooses" or "Dad chooses" (he chooses something like a steak pie - neither DC likes pastry really - DD eats the filling and DS tastes it and goes "disgusting" and has a sandwich or cereal). So that's something I can carry on.

I would honestly rather DS had toast/cereal and we just made one meal. At least DD will try it, DS will taste one small bite usually. I'd rather do that than have it be a given that you get a separate meal. If we do that, DS will ask for chicken nuggets every day and claim not to like any meal that isn't chicken nuggets. We already get "I don't like pasta" (when he eats it at least once a week without fuss) if he fancies something else instead.

I don't mind people not liking food , but I do not allow people to call food disgusting. That's just rude . They can can say 'no thank you' or 'not to my taste' .

We have not yet found an effective way to get a child with ADHD and extreme impulsivity to be polite, I'm afraid.

Anyway I'm planning a big Easter meal with food from DD's ethnic origin and if DS doesn't like it, he knows where the fridge is.

I am used to cooking 3 meals, it's the norm! Two kids, both with sensory issues. One will literally only eat plain pasta (and I'm not eating that every night for the rest of my life ), and me the only vegetarian. I sort their dinner then cook whatever I fancy... which does end up taking quite a long time and means a lot of washing up

We work on a rotational scheme so everyone has something they like at least once a week. I plan so the night I make something one or other child will refuse I have leftovers from earlier in the week when I made something they like.

I’m looking forward to the youngest DC leaving home so I get more variety back into my food. My DCs are not individually that fussy but take the whole family together and it gets difficult finding things we all enjoy. It’s so so boring. I do miss my DCs when they are away but food is important to me and avoiding lumps, onions, spices, many veggies including anything green, all puddings apart from chocolate ones and some meat for years and years is so wearing. I never want to use passata again.

Well DS agreed to try a new bread today (crusty baguette, he's liked it in the past - I tend to think something he's NEVER liked is unlikely to come in to the rotation but if it's been out of favour for a year or so it's worth a try.

We got an air fryer a year ago and it's transformed things in our house. At least four nights a week, DD and I now have "interesting" food which she or I cook (she's 13) and then I just do something beige for DS in the air fryer. As it's minimal effort, the hassle of doing a separate meal is outweighed by the benefits of eating something I like.

Yes, it turns cooking which I quite enjoy into a chore, they have opposite preferences and Dd so getting increasingly fussy as she gets older, she doesn't like pasta or rice anymore but will eat a little.
Also, Dd loves cheesy things, mac and cheese, enchiladas etc, Ds1 hates them.
Ds1 and Ds2 love seafood, Dd hates it.
Ds2 loves sweet potato, Ds1 and Dd hate it.
Ds1 and Ds2 love chorizo, Dd hates it.
Dd doesn't like anything with a tomatoey sauce (except enchiladas) Ds2 doesn't like anything with a creamy sauce.
I think they like pastry but I happen to hate it.

I get so bored cooking the same things that often cook anyway knowing one or two won't really eat.