at 18m do you offer alternatives or just let them go hungry?

[flirtygerty]

very fussy Dd - refuses most foods so I just give her the pudding she would have had anyway (fruit/yog etc) but nothing extra thats sweet. quite often end up making her scrambled egg which is pretty much the only savoury thing she'll eat so I know she has had something inside her.

when do you start with the 'its this or nothing'approach? she has quite good undersatnding (I think) but non existent speech & only 4 teeth! I just never know if her lack of appetite is down to permanent teething/ dislike of the food itself/bloddymindedness

cut down on her milk

dont give her any juice

we don't do juice - never have - i don't give her her any snack from when she wakes until teatime to try & stimulate her appaetite but it doesn't work.

"Puddings" are always the same in this house - fruit for lunch and yoghurt for tea, so in my mind healthy. Therefore if DS refuses his main he will still be offered the pudding. However, he normally has a biscuit mid afternoon - if lunch is refused this snack he will only be offered fruit or veggie sticks or something like that. In the evening if he refuses his main he can have his yoghurt and if he is still hungry I offer bread and butter as I don't want him going to bed hungry but he's not offered anything exciting as an alternative. It works - he eats what he's given most of the time and if he doesn't I just assume he's not that hungry. He's 19 mo by the way.

Mine is 19 months.

I let her eat what she wants. I continue to offer proper food at every meal. I praise anything she tries, even if she spits it straight out. Mealtimes are fairly relaxed and fun.

Often she doesn't get much in the way of actual food, and what she does eat is more of the same, but she enjoys the social aspect of mealtimes, she likes chatting about what she's (not) eating, she likes being the same as mummy and daddy, she likes the routine of it all and helping to set the table.

interesting question...i was trying to remember at what age you can do the whole "finish what's on your plate" or "3 more mouthfulls" or whatever.

(BS - why've you gone off the nipper??!)

I would say at about 2 and a half, or once they are able to understand what you want them t do. DD2 is 2.10 and we do the whole "no pudding for you if you don't finish your dinner"; I don't think she'd have 'got' it much before 2 and a half though..

DD is nearly 2 and I stopped parading an array of food infront of her when I suspected she was trying it on. She would have been about 18 months. I didn't make a big deal out of it, just took the food away and I gave her some fruit.

She didn't wake up early as I thought she would and she didn't refuse food for long.

Now she is very chilled about food and tends to make a good efort with what's put infront of her, though she still has her off days of course!

I'd say, just stick with what's on offer. Take it away if she refuses and don't panic unless it goes on for a while and she starts to lose weight.

Good luck

I used the its that or nothing approach from very early on at about 15mths. My dd now will eat most things if in the mood for eating. Sometimes she just isn't hungry/ teething but at 2.0 can say 'no thanks' when she doesn't want anything. I know she isn't hungry because she doesn't eat it even if I say 'nothing else then'.
I only give juice mid meal after they have eaten a fair amount of it, otherwise they fill up on fluid.
I certainly would not cook anything else. All this teaches them is that if they don't want their main meal they get something else which they prefer. Children will always hold out for preferred food when they know they get an alternative.

Children aren't ready for the full range of family foods until they are about 3.

So - offer you DD whatever you are eating, and if she doesn't eat enough, offer her an alternative. I used to keep stocks of mozzarella, mortadella and Parma ham in the fridge when she was that age, and she would have that as an alternative to whatever meat/fish dish we were having that she didn't like. But keep on offering her a small plate of your family meal.

She'll get there eventually.

Just read about not giving an afternoon snack. I would still give a healthy snack as if they go too long between eating they can go past the hunger point. I would try to make sure its at leat an hour and half before evening meal though.

Anna, I have to strongly disagree with you. As soon as children have a range of front and back teeth they are capable of eating family foods. Also, these should begin being introduced at 6mths. My dd at 24mths eats everything we eat including chicken, stewing steak, pork, gammon, fish, fillet steak, bacon etc in a range of casseroles/ fajitas/ pasta dishes. This is because we had the 'start as you intend to go on' approach.

tori32 - well, you might disagree, but I am right

You definitely shouldn't be giving family meals to children under 12 months because most food contains added salt, which children under 12 months should not be given.

The digestive tract is not mature enough to cope with a lot of rich foods until a child is around 3. Children naturally reject strong flavours that their body will not be able to cope with.

Throughout childhood, the palate may be sensitive to flavours that adults do not find excessively pungent. This is why children often prefer blander foods. This should be respected - just give them healthy foods but without too much salt/spice/herbs etc, if they don't like them. Always offer - never insist.

Hmmmn Anna that depends surely? I do all the cooking from scratch in this house and all the children eat what is made or go hungry.

The baby (7 months) is still on ice cube trays of mush but as he progresses on to proper food he will eat the same as the rest of them!

I have 6 by the way all ranging from 9 to 7 months.

largeginandtonic - I stand by the salt thing 100%.

Obviously it depends what your family eats... my partner and I would go bonkers if we had had to eat things suitable for my daughter every night for 2 years, but I suppose with six children you might be more child-orientated in your menu planning. I know I am when all three children are here - I cater to the greatest number.

DH and i sometimes eat on our own (it is heaven ) but as you say we cater to the greatest number and that is always the children.

Of course children should not have added salt in their diet at any age, 3 or over. I dont add salt to anything i cook for them and it is not placed on the table as a condiment either. They never ask for it (except in a chip shop )

I am very strict with meal times and unless they show a real dislike to something they have to eat it. I am mean though

'Fraid I'm unconvinced by the idea of not giving family meals to a child under 12 months too Anna.

I know exactly how much salt there is (or isn't) in my cooking, and it's perfectly possible to cook good, tasty, nutritious family meals without salt, or with very very little salt.

It has not been my experience that children naturally reject strong flavours either, but I suppose that depends on the children. I know of many children who got very bored of bland flavours quite quickly and lost interest in eating until more interesting flavours and textures were introduced.

If you look on the WHO website you will find plenty of info to support the idea that family foods should only be introduced from 12 months.

What do you mean by "family foods"? Isn't food just food?

Was v. surprised when I moved here how many people cook separate meals for their children. It's just not done where I grew up: 1 meal for every one. If you cook it yourself from scratch, you know that it doesn't contain any added salt. Cooking from scratch doesn't need to take long or be complicated either . How long does it take to boil a few potatoes, or steam a few veg, while the sausages/pork chops etc.. are grilling? I totally agree that if you give children their own separate foods they grow up fussy eaters. I've never done that (except for special occasions of course where we might have a very spicy curry or the like).

I think that when my dc's were 15mo I used to always give them a bit of everything, even if they didn't like it, but I always made sure the family meals contained at least 1 ingredient that the children like. Once the children have seen the same foods often enough, they become ready to try it. It truly works, but over many many months and requires lots of patience. My 4yo just had a piece of cauliflower for the first time in her life out of her own will and that's because I've always served it for her even though I know she wont eat it.

family foods = proper cooked meals as eaten by adults and children, as opposed to finger foods, chopped meat and fish, stewed fruits and vegetables etc with no added anything, which is what babies between six months and one year ought to be eating on top of breastmilk.

Family meals can be offered from 12 months. But you should respect your child's desires while ensuring he/she learns to eat a balanced diet.

ive always fed our babies my own food usually taking a little out before seasoning and steaming all the babies veg b4 hand- ive never withheld food sometimes as an adult you just dont fancy whats on offer-so i usually have a few things on standby for the older children it can be as simple as poached eggs if we are all sat down for a meal and any of the children decide they dont want it i will put half on a seperate plate and say eat some now and usually it works ..likewise with veg i go by the try and see approach .....when they were small i found if i let them hold a breadstick or carrot stick or toast triangle i could quite often feed them without them realising...if they really werent hungry i would offer something like a bit of poridge or ready brek b4 bed cos its not nice waking up with a rumbly tumbly.
interestingly my eldest son who i have to admit i was ott with has until recently had a very careful palate second child whose game for anything will try anything,,,,,liver,fish anything in fact when he was small on market day he used to buy a £1 in money of broccolli and id cook it and hed eat it all afternoon.

thanks everyone. I think I will stick to my guns ( & instincts) & give her the meal I've cooked & limited alternatives (egg). she is quite a bad sleeper anyway & i can't bear the thought that I might have even more disturbed nights out of hunger!! we don't use salt in anything & as I have another (older) child it is quite important to me that i cook the same for both of them. I too beleive that after 12m they can have prety much nayhting as long as you remember the guidelines on salt/shellfish etc.

I am not into letting either of them roam around the room at mealtimes. I try & eat a little when they are eating to show solidairty & the whole meal time is fun thing but I figure dd has her brother to copy from. (also I am veggie whereas they are both carnivores - or used to be!)she has cutlery/bowls etc so there is little else I can do,

My ds is funny about eating the food i eat, i give him whatever im having and most of the time he doesnt eat it (i dont make a fuss) i then give an alternative of finger foods, cucumber, carrot, cherry tomato and black olives, which he loves! he then has fruit and a yogart.

He is 18mths, im hoping one day he will get so used to me putting what i eat in front of him that he will just get on with it and eat it!

He does love beans though, every night at tea time he asks for 'beeans peease'

Agree absolutely about respecting your child's desires.

Still can't agree that it is healthier for my child to refuse to eat the meal I've cooked for the family (consisting of pulses, vegetables, potato or pasta on a typical night) and have processed meat or cheese instead.

This is not to say that I don't offer my child alternatives, because I do. Also not saying I'd never give my child a chunk of cheese instead of the meal if that's what she wanted - but I don't think it's healthier or better for her.