He won't eat !! HELP ME PLEASE!!!!

[mare]

Hi guess I should have started a new thread here - so here goes.
My first time on Mumsnet. I am going spare here. My two year old sons food repertoire has never been great but is rapidly reducing to pints of (weak) squash a day and marmite or honey toast. I breast fed for 18 months but he has never accepted cows milk - not even with sugar in or milkshakes. He wont eat any fruit or vegetables voluntarily either. I have to hide it all. He also refuses to feed himself unless it is toast. He often even refuses that and just demands a drink instead. To be fair he is getting the big back molars at the moment but it only seems to bother him off and on.

He used to eat yoghurts and cheese OK so I wasnt too worried about the lack of dairy but now he is starting to refuse that too. At the moment I have to spoon feed him anything half healthy in front of the TV otherwise he clamps his mouth shut.

(My 4 year old son will eat anything and everything from kippers to artichokes - at the table - with a knife and fork. I dont know how I managed to get it so wrong with the little one when it went so well with the big one??)

My head is telling me to just give him what the rest of the family eats and if he doesnt eat it then he goes to bed hungry but my heart wont let me carry it through!

Advice/encouragement desperately required.

i would say do what your head says, maybe have some toast on a plate in the middle of the table and if he tries something he gets a (small) bit of toast and so on. then when he realises there are things he likes (yorkshire puddings, naan bread etc etc) then just put that in the middle (as it would normally be in the meal anyway) and reward him with that.

all a bit bribary and corruption but it works for my 2.8yo dd, its very rare she doesnt eat anything now!!

good luck and keep a cool head!

How many 2 year olds do you know who have starved themselves to death?

Also "pints of weak squash" - he's getting his full feeling from liquids - he needs to have an "empty feeling" before a meal.

Be insistent for a day or two that all there is to eat is what the rest of the family is eating - it does work! It is hard but you must do it or you are making a rod for your own back by giving in to him all the time. Agree with the previous post about his filling up with liquid too. Good luck!

I do my best not to give him anything to drink for about an hour before meal times but he is so in the terrible-twos zone that we get screaming if I refuse. I do my best to distract him but sometimes he just won't let up until he gets a drink. I just give him a very tiny drink then.

We have had days where he has refused meals but demanded a drink instead even when he MUST be hungry.

He has a very 'strong and determined' character, ( read demanding), whereas my bigger son was much more easy to distract and fob off.

my dd is also very strong willed and determined (my mum wished her on me) you just need to continute being consistant and it will pay off, just ignor the screaming tantrums he'll soon get bored!

Should I wait til after I am sure he's not teething or just go for it?

He's never been one for chewing really - he only has three bottom middle teeth instead of the normal four. Perfectly spaced! just only three. Never quite sure if there is a small deformity somwhere else in his mouth that could be making it hard to chew.

However he doesn't ever have a problem chewing something he WANTS to eat!

Will he eat things like soup or puree?
I f so that is better than nothing.

You have to be firm. Give him bits of food let him eat what he likes, eventually he will try the other stuff, keep giving him stuff he doesnt like give him lots of praise when he does try. If he refuses take the plate away and give nothing. He won't starve to death, don't make a big deal about it. Don't stand over him while he eats either just let him get on with it.

I had problems with my DS and food so tended to just leave bowls of chopped fruit or chicken strips, bread and cheese, raisins etc all around the house and I found he would pick at them.
I think for some children it is being made to sit down and eat that thy rebel against, not the food itself.

the first thing that struck me, is 'pints of weak squash'

a toddler only has a small tummy, and filling it with fluid, leaves little room for food

try 6 small meals a day, things that can be eaten quickly, or on the hoof, as toddlers would much rather be running around, exploring and discovering things, than sat down eating

as has been said, 2 year olds don;t starve themselves to death....you are worried, he might be picking up on it, and it is becoming a fun game.. if he refuses the food, and only eats in front of the TV, then he doesn;t eat..

he'll soon pick up the pace

My DD went through a bad phase of not eating, so gave her calorie dense foods, such as srambled egg made with cream , butter and even cheese in it, so if she only ate two mouthfuls, at least it was filling...

does he like finger food?

I didnt make that very clear did i.
Eg, 1 plate with bits of ham, cheese, cucumber, tomato, grapes

then the next day some bits the same a few bits different iyswim?

Evening meal give him the same as you (dont be making a rod for your own back by faffing about with different meals) after 30mins take the plate away without fuss and give him pudding (im never sure if to give pudding or not but considering his age i think i would) maybe a couple of attempts to get him to lick or try a little bit before you give him pudding if he hasn't eaten that much don't worry about it.

Dont feed him either he has to feed himself, give him the plate and walk away pretend to be busy while keeping half an eye on him, wash up, wipe sides down etc

My DS was a bit like this (at a much younger age)

Take the focus out of 'meal times' and structure and leave titbits of food lying around the place (obviously stuff that isnt going to go 'off' within a couple of hours).

STOP giving him pints of squash.

In fact, cut the squash altogether. Water or heavily diluted fruit juice may 'trick' him.

Make eating a game. Fun. Maybe play 'dinosaurs' or pretend you are dogs/puppies and eat it off the floor - anything really. But make relax the whole scenario. Get a mirror and sit next to each other so you can both see yourself eating and pull funny faces. Try not to get him to eat by distraction. Try to get him to eat through positive interaction.

In the warm weather you can try fruit smoothie ice lollies ie any choice of fruit, blended to a puree and frozen. You could also mix it with yoghurt before freezing.

Whilst i do sympathise, I do wonder what on earth you are doing putting sugar in milk????

'My head is telling me to just give him what the rest of the family eats and if he doesnt eat it then he goes to bed hungry ' you already have the solution....

sorry, that sounded harsh but I have never known a kid to starve themself. if you hide all other food and present just what everyone else is eating each meal and offer nothing else inbetween he will soon get the hint. Sometimes you have to stay calm, don't react and just be firm and after a few days he will get the message.

Thanks for all your advice. When I say squash I did actually mean diluted fruit juice, though if I dilute it too much he notices and complains. Maybe not pints - but certainly much more than I would ideally want him to have. He seems to treat drinking like a comfort thing. (God help me when he's 18). I will do my utmost to stop him.

I have tried him with little bits of cheese, fruit, ham etc (finger foods) - his face looks as if he is totally revolted by it all and he throws it all on the floor.. Even from the very start if fruit of any description went in his mouth the expression looked as if I had just given him a lump of earwax to eat. I bought some 'spiderman' ham the other day - hoping the spiderman bit might help as this is the current 'in-thing' in our house. He picked it up with interest but as soon as he realised what it was he flicked it off his hand with a look of disgust . He sometimes eats raisins though!

Does he play outside? In the grass and mud?

Does he have some friends of a similar age that you could invite round for a meal? Maybe if he sees someone his age eating other things, he might be intrigued enough to give it a go?

yes - 'grass and mud R us' - we live in the country and have a big (very muddy at the moment) garden. He doesn't mind getting his clothes dirty but hates it when his hands are dirty.

You're right, Speccy - the spiderman ham was pretty vile, and not something I would ever have bought before all this hassle.

As for peer pressure - he won't even eat at kiddie parties. The last one we went to he only ate crisps!

Well, thats not soooo terrible then. Well, i stand by my advice - make it fun. Muck about. Get everyone else in the family involved in 'the game'. Show him what fun he's missing out on.

Thanks again everyone - there seem to be two trains of thought here.

1. give him what we eat and if he refuses he goes hungry and 2) lots of fun little bits and pieces to tempt him.

What success has anyone had with both / either?

I cut the excess drink out after I got in tonight! Not a happy boy!

My DS would (and still does) pick things up (especially off of the floor) and eat them if he thinks he's not supposed to.

Thats how he started weaning