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Original poster

How would you react if ....?

30 replies

notlob · 23/08/2004 17:49

you had spent a fair while making a meal for some friends who you hadn't seen for over 18 months. You all sit down to eat and their DS who is 5 says in aggresive tone, "I'm not eating that, it is disgusting!"
They return for another meal the DS does a repeat performance! They are coming back for a meal on Thursday and I'm very tempted to be just as rude back. What would you do?

OP posts:

Angeliz · 23/08/2004 17:51

How do the freinds react?
Do they tell him that's rude?

coppertop · 23/08/2004 17:52

Smile very sweetly and say, "Oh you poor little love. Well I'm sure I've got some nice (insert the name of something pretty awful) you can have instead. Now where did I put it......."

Original poster

notlob · 23/08/2004 17:53

No they don't say taht it is rude they say "No darling it's not disgusting, just eat it."
I'm not a bad cook really. The first time it was cooked chicken breast, the second time it was garlic bread ffs.

OP posts:

Thomcat · 23/08/2004 17:55

How about:
"Well I'm sure your mother will make your something far more delicious in a moment" then look at the mother and say "either that or send him to bed with some gruel aye?!!!" and smile sweetly, then discuss the weather, immediately!

Angeliz · 23/08/2004 17:57

I would probably just say "don't eat it then, you're obviously not very hungry".
I think at 5 he should have a few more table manners!!

lavender1 · 23/08/2004 17:59

Notlob, my first reaction would be why they didn't say anything to their son...it is downright rude and I would be offended by this sort of comment...they are you friends you say but I guess you've been too polite to say anything to them in the hope that it was a one off....as it obviously isn't then maybe you could try this tactic when you all sit down at the table on Thursday..."Oh it's disgusting, that's interesting because you seem to have a thing about disgusting food, I cooked disgusting the last 2 times you came (laughing slightly tone of voice)..

"By the way what food is not disgusting", he'll then say something....would you like to go into the kitchen and cook it then please as I seem to be getting so wrong" either he will react or feel very stupid for being so rude....

If all else fails speak to his parents, explain your angst and say if he wants to sit at the table he must be polite otherwise he'll have to sit down and miss out...(Well this is what I'd do I would not put up with someone abusing my hospitality like this)...

btw this happened to my mother, when my sister's children came to stay, and every time she put out the little boy said "Oh, I don't think I'm going to like this" to which she said...."That's not very nice is it, how would you like it if you painted me a picture and I said I don't think I'm going to like it....I've spent time preparing this and it is rude to say this to someone" , "oh I never thought of this was his repsonse"....Good luck and let us know how you get on

Original poster

notlob · 23/08/2004 18:00

You are all being a lot more polite than I would like to be. I am really tempted to say something like "What a rude boy! If it is so disgusting you won't be eating it." Then I would love to remove his plate. But....I'm not brave enough.

OP posts:

lavender1 · 23/08/2004 18:04

do it, then he wont do it again!!

Angeliz · 23/08/2004 18:05

notlob, i would be saying it through gritted teeth

TBH, my sisters boys have no table manners but when they are here they sit at the table and eat. (They are 2+half and 3+half and at home they wander round constantly eating).
I'm not an ogre, dd eats crisps in the living room and more than often her morning toast infront of Cbeebies, but when it's a meal, they will sit and eat at the table or go without!!

SO, i am only being polite because i think it would be a subtle way to let them know his behaviour is bloody annoying wihtout losing their friendship!

KateandtheGirls · 23/08/2004 18:20

I can't believe the parents didn't say anything. I mean, you can't count on 5 year olds to always have great manners, although you would like to think they would, but that doesn't mean the parents should accept it.

My almost 5 year old, who has great manners most of the time, sat down for dinner last night and told me it was disgusting. (She's never said that before - I think she must have got it from school.) I said to her that I'm sorry you don't like it, but even if you don't like a food you don't say that about it. It's very rude after someone has gone to the trouble of making a nice meal for you.

If I were his parents I would tell him the same thing, apologise to you and ask him to apologise to you too.

As for what you can do. I don't think there's much. You could react with sarcastic comments of course, but I don't think that's going to get you anywhere. You could say something like "we don't say that in our house" (which would also show the parents what you think), or just ignore him and try not to let it bother you. At least it's not your kid!

Branster · 23/08/2004 18:21

Just get some fish & chips from the shop and hope for the best!

Twiglett · 23/08/2004 18:54

message withdrawn

lydialemon · 23/08/2004 20:39

Have to say I agree with Twiglett.

Do you really want to get in an argument with a 5 year old? Don't take it personally, I'm sure your cooking is great (it must be if they're coming back for the third time ) just ignore him or maybe joke about it 'if you think this is disgusting wait until you get the slug and worm pie for dessert'?!

MeanBean · 23/08/2004 21:13

I think probably that Twiglett and Lydialemon are right, the parents are probably trying not to re-inforce his behaviour by paying too much attention to it.

If it were the parents who were saying it was disgusting I'd be annoyed! Worm and slug pie is a great idea.

SoupDragon · 23/08/2004 21:28

He's 5! Sarcasm isn't going to work - he won't get it.

If either of my DSs (5 & 3) do similar at meal times, I simply point out that that is their meal and that is all they are getting. It's not really your job to chastise another child for their table manners if the parents are there. A calm "I'm sorry you don't like it but that's all their is to eat" is all that's required IMO. Not worth getting het up about (again, IMO!)

deegward · 23/08/2004 21:41

When I was in edinburgh at Easter, a friend of my parents invited to an Easter egg hunt, which her mother had always done for me as a child. DS1 who was 4 at the time took part in the hunt, but when he tasted the egg ( cadbury's mini creme eggs) declared them to be disgusting. I just wanted the earth to swallow me up. It got worse, as she had made fairy cakes with chocolate chips through them, and had made special mini ones for dss. Again he woouldn't eat them.

I apologised at the time, explaining that ds1 wasn't really a chocolate lover, and sent a card and flowers when we got home. I wouldn't take it personally, I think children sometimes just say without thought, and really are usually quite nervous about eating away from home.

I know some would say it is pandering, but I would always ask the mother what the child liked to eat before a visit.

jodee · 23/08/2004 22:28

Had to laugh (sorry!), that's exactly what my ds (4) said to his Gran the other day. DH and I were away for the day and she made him his usual Weetabix for breakfast, but probably put a drop too much milk for his liking in the bowl, he took one mouthful - "Grandma, that's disgusting!". Refused to eat any more - gahhh! Apparently I am the only one who makes it "perfect"!.

Tommy · 23/08/2004 22:33

I think it's the "It's disgusting" that would annoy me more than the child not eating it. My DS1 eats very litle and says "no like" when he has anything on his plate that looks vaguely new so I'm well used to that but he once said "yuck" at something and got very short shrift from DH and me. I think it's the manners, not the not eating which is the problem. Don't know what to do about it though

prufrock · 24/08/2004 11:35

I don't really have a problem with what the child has done - kids say stuff like this, especially when you most want them to behave. And by not making a big deal of it at the table I think the parents are probably doing the right thing - but I do think it's very rude of them not to apologise to you later

Piffleoffagus · 24/08/2004 11:40

GRRR at the parents for not saying something too him, did he even taste it?
I'd not make dinner for him next time, ask his parents to bring something for him...

Original poster

notlob · 24/08/2004 11:44

You are right Tommy, it's the lack of manners that gets to me. My DS is a very picky eat, as are many children. I would be horrified if he said a meal given to him at someone else's house was 'disgusting'; if he said it at home I would be less than pleased. Just because they don't loke it that doesn't mean it is disgusting. "Another man's meat...etc"
What really gets to me in this situation is the lack of parental intervention. There are many other things about his behaviour that I find hard to accept and maybe because this is directed at a meal in our house I find it is the icing on the cake.
I am going to use Lavender's tale of the picture if it happens again.
Thanks

OP posts:

MeanBean · 24/08/2004 12:00

But the "lack of parental intervention" is a positive parenting technique of ignoring bad behaviour. It is not just the parents being lacksadaisical about their DS being bad mannered.

Original poster

notlob · 24/08/2004 12:25

Yes it is MB, but they ignore all bad behaviour and have done since day one. I believe you try a parenting technique and if it doesn't work then you try some other approach. If this is their current approach then I still feel they should have offered me some sort of explanation if not apology.
Plus what sort of message is this giving to the other 3 children at the table?

OP posts:

KateandtheGirls · 24/08/2004 15:29

MeanBean, even if the parents are using the parenting technique of ignoring the behaviour, don't you think that the parents should have said to the child just once not to say that because it's rude? If he then kept on going on about it being disgusting, then ignoring it would probably be a good idea. Also, a parent should have apologised to notlob afterwards and explained why they didn't do anything about it.

I am currently trying to "ignore" my girls when they call each other (or me), bad or stupid. But I always tell them once that we don't say that in our house, then I ignore it if it continues. If one of them were to say it to someone else (which they haven't done in my presence as yet), then I would certainly demand that they apologise.

I completely agree that it's not about the food, it's about the manners. I wouldn't be at all offended if a visiting child didn't want to eat my food!

lou33 · 24/08/2004 16:00

If one of mine said something like that, I would tell him not to be rude, and apologise to the host, explaining that it was not their cooking but the attitude of my child, that was a problem.

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