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I AM right in saying "No" when they ask for more food not long after I gave them their dinner and they didn't eat it all, Yes?

82 replies

ghosty · 03/03/2007 23:00

Am I right or am I right?

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 04/03/2007 11:34

Mine have a mini-fridge (next to our main fridge) which I put healthy snacks (chopped fruit, veg, cheese, the odd cracker) and drinks in for them to help themselves to. The don't use it very near to a meal-time, and they have been surprisingly sensible about only taking as much as they feel they want rather than scoffing it all in the first five minutes, and using plates and sitting at the table etc. They are very solemn and responsible about it

I have been flamegrilled a couple of times on here by people who think it's "disgusting" to let children have their own fridge and regulate their own eating to a degree (I decide when and what they eat at mealtimes, although I don't make them eat when they're not hungry or eat things they don't like). I think though that those people generally assume that I am filling it with Coke and Mars bars.

I think in a way my attitude is a reaction against my parents' approach to feeding children, which was a bit like feeding animals. You ate what you were given (generally a large portion of homogenous stodge), when you were told, ALL of it, or else. No talking at the table my stepfather used to say "Lets have a bit less talk and a bit more eat!") And no drinks with the meal, not even water, because of course ALL children are on a perverse mission to "fill up on water" in order to "get out of" eating any food . We were stood over for hours until we forced down whatever it was - I remember my sister crying and gagging over tinned spaghetti hoops for several hours, but she did eat it eventually.

It's a sticky one though, people understandably get very agitated around food and feeding. It's the first and primary thing we do for our children, and I do think that the dysfunctional and over-anxious nature of many of our attitudes to it has to do with crap breastfeeding support, lousy attitudes towards mothers and babies and the fact that so many mothers end up feeling that they have "failed" in this primary duty before the baby can hold its own head up

AitchTwoOh · 04/03/2007 11:38

i think the fridge is a great idea, who on earth has deemed it digusting? if they still have somethign like that in their bedrooms by the time they are teenagers, filled with solid but essentially healthy food, you'll be onto a winner surely?

Greensleeves · 04/03/2007 11:41

To be fair, I think the people who were anti-fridge were assuming that it was in their bedrooms and involved fizzy drinks and junk. It was part of a wider discussion about children being allowed to decide what and when to eat.

WriggleJiggle · 04/03/2007 11:41

If its still hungry tell it to stop being so lazy and catch a mouse

We don't have this situation in our house. The dogs both know if they don't eat their food, then dd will

AitchTwoOh · 04/03/2007 11:42
Greensleeves · 04/03/2007 11:43

Oh, shit, it's a cat

AitchTwoOh · 04/03/2007 11:55

didn't stop franny from expounding at length, greeny, nor should it you...

megandsoph · 04/03/2007 11:58

Greeny that is a fab idea!!

juicychops · 04/03/2007 12:07

Greeny i also thinks it a fab idea. how old are your children?

Greensleeves · 04/03/2007 12:19

2 and 4

FloatingInSpace · 04/03/2007 14:23

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FrannyandZooey · 04/03/2007 14:29

I started the snack drawer thing precisely because we were having a lot of hassles and aggro over food. DS asking for things to eat and saying "you choose" and then rejecting what I got him.

It has stuff like dried fruit, (raisins, apples, apricots, prunes), oatcakes, sometimes popcorn or healthy biscuits, no salt potato crisps, bananas in it etc etc. It is not very exciting but if he is hungry he can find something to keep body and soul together in there.

Greeny has just taken this idea and run off shrieking with it I am extremely of the mini fridge

FrannyandZooey · 04/03/2007 14:33

FIS might your dd be tempted to try veg if there was a yummy dip with it? Or if she had chosen, or washed, or helped to cut up the veg?

However if your dd has a really tiny appetite I would be offering mostly high calorie or high fat snacks. Things like nuts / crackers with nut butter, bananas, home made cakes or scones with plenty of dried fruit in, etc.

Smoothies are a good way to get nutrients and calories in - stick in a banana and a splodge of peanut butter along with some milk or yogurt and some other berries or soft fruit.

FloatingInSpace · 04/03/2007 14:42

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sunnyjim · 04/03/2007 15:01

Havn't read the whole thread but we have a similar stance to the 'snack drawer/box'
DS isn't old enough yet to get his own things to eat but our rule is he is always allowed to have toast/oatcakes/fruit/pure juice/water.

If its more than an hour before mealtime he is allowed to have any of his fruity/nutty/cakey bar things. We have a stock of muesli bars, homemade fruit loaf or cakes and the orgnanix goodies crispy type things.

I let him have any of these after his meals regardless of how much or little of his meal he has eaten.

If its close to mealtime I try and bring meals forward or give him fruit to nibble on.

As he gets older I will probably restrict filling snacks a bit more - but not too much. The snack foods we have are okay and frankly if he has had a fruit and nut bar, some grapes, a drink of fruit juice, 2 squares of dark organic chocolate with almonds, two ricecakes with peanut butter and some toast with honey to eat during the day but refused his lunch, well at least its nutritional!

DS is however underweight and prone to distraction when eating. So our priority is ensuring he gets enough calories each day.

sunnyjim · 04/03/2007 15:11

btw, it is possible for some children to underfeed themselves.

We kept getting given that tired old 'they won't starve themselves' line and it doesn't work like that.

By saying they won't starve themselves you are assuming that the person in question is fully competant in understanding their bodies needs and wants and fully able to fulfil them - ie to be able to prepare whatever food they want.

Some children in the autistic spectrum, high need, easily distracted, active, etc etc fidn it very difficult to sit still and eat if there are other distractions. DS has always preferred doing something fun to eating - he can override his hunger signals if he is enjoying himself - just like children can get overtired if daddy is playing aeroplanes.

So I think that denying children filling food is a bad idea. That doens't mean just crips and chips but only ever offering fruit isn't a great idea. Little bodies need alot more fat and calories than slimming mums, offer peanut butter on toast, ricecakes and honey, dried fruit and nuts. Things that are healthy, yummy and easy. That way you aren't making your child going hungry.

colditz · 04/03/2007 16:03

I undewstand what you are saying about fruit being a traditional slimming mum's snack - but butter laden sauces and dumplings, which I do give to the dc's, aren't a traditional dinner for slimming mums (Oh I wish!). And I wouldn't apply a fruit only snack rult to a child under about 2.5 to 3 anyway.

colditz · 04/03/2007 16:04

Or an underweight one.

I think it is fair to say that if a 4 year old is saying "I am hungry" the very second he gets down from the table, having left all but one mouthfull of his meal, then said four year old is buggering about trying to get something more appetising.

FrannyandZooey · 04/03/2007 17:55

"I think the mini fridge sounded more exciting than a snack drawer franny!"

yes don't I bleeding know it

ghosty · 04/03/2007 18:05

Loving this thread

Greeny, we have a mini fridge too 'cept it has beer in it too - along with the grapes, carrots, cheese etc

Re. the cat ... she's a shocker ... I will try a different flavour food - and yes, I believe she is a tart and is eating elsewhere

OP posts:
FloatingInSpace · 04/03/2007 18:22

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colditz · 04/03/2007 18:44

He said it today before his feet actually touched the floor, I was watching him.

sunnyjim · 05/03/2007 14:35

colditz, yes i agree that the age makes a big difference.

Kids under 3 are a totally different kettle of fish to a school aged child who is deliberatly playing you up!

Mind you even at not quite 2, I know when DS is playing up - ie throwing his food across the kitchen. He doesn't get a snack/pudding/second helpings after that - not for at least 30 minutes.

I guess I was just a bit at the idea of ONLY ever having fruit available as a snack. i think you need some savoury and some more filling thigns in there. As a kid we could always have fruit, bread and butter, and water to drink. Even up to 10 minutes before a meal we could have a slice of bread and butter.

twelveyeargap · 05/03/2007 14:40

I have this problem with DH! He has the appetite of a bird and either doesn't want to eat at dinner time or picks at his dinner and goes back to it later.

Give them smaller dinners (keeping some back) and if they ask for more either at dinner time or later, then you have back up.

If they're looking for "nicer" food after dinner, like cereal, then I'd be wary that they just fancied somethign else more than dinner.

If you keep offering re-heated dinner, then they'll only want it if they're genuinely hungry.

FloatingInSpace · 06/03/2007 11:15

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