Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Food/recipes

For related content, visit our food content hub.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

This is more about manners than food, but what would you have done in this situation?

28 replies

Elasticwoman · 02/01/2007 11:05

Having invited another family to Sunday lunch, I was busy cooking this meal for 9, when the other mother rang up about half an hour they were due to arrive. She asked if I would be serving carrots. I said yes. She said that her children didn't like cooked carrots so could they have them raw? I said carrots would not be the only veg on offer,and they need not have what they didn't want but she insisted so I gave in. At least, I prepared some raw carrot to be eaten as a nibble before the meal was served.
Her children were not tiny - towards the end of junior school age.

OP posts:

MrsBadger · 02/01/2007 11:06

I'd have done what you did, or something similar.

But I'd privately have thought that the woman was a loon.

scatterbrain · 02/01/2007 11:07

Hmmmm - bit pushy specially if you don't know them that well and hadn't asked !!

I would have thought that if they would eat the rest of the meal they could just not have had carrots myself !!

How did they eat ?

themoon66 · 02/01/2007 11:07

How odd. I would have just laughed and carried on with dinner as it was.

Lilymaid · 02/01/2007 11:09

I once had a friend like this - one child would only eat raw carrot, the other would eat cooked. One child would only eat the florets of broccoli, the other one would only eat the stalk (sounds like Jack Sprat!). When we went on holidays with other parents she would insist that her children had what they wanted to eat whilst the other children had the meal that had been agreed by the remaining parents - whether they liked it or not. It caused a lot of annoyance. Not surprisingly we don't see each other any more.

Twiglett · 02/01/2007 11:10

I don't think I'd do this .. but I wouldn't care if someone else did it to me tbh

Original poster

Elasticwoman · 02/01/2007 11:14

The children ate up the rest of the meal ok.
I had known the mother for ages - since we were both teenagers, but I hadn't seen all that much of her since we both had children.
I felt she was rude to put me to the extra trouble and at such short notice, but did not want an open rift with her.

OP posts:

wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons · 02/01/2007 11:15

TBH I think that is bizarre and a little bit rude. I only ever cater for children aged 6 and under, but if I was doing a roast, I would cook 2/3 veg including at least one basic, popular one and the children could choose which they wanted.

wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons · 02/01/2007 11:16

Rude but not worth falling out over. I totally agree.

TinsellyRhino · 02/01/2007 11:16

I think it is a little rude and very sill on her part
I mean realistically if the kids don't eat cooked carrots then they just leave them politely on the plate as any normal person would, I don't get why she would insist they have to have some sort of carrot.....weird

NOELallie · 02/01/2007 11:16

Odd. My DD only likes raw carrots but I'd not have bothered mentioning it - she'd have done without them I think.

Twiglett · 02/01/2007 11:17

its not EXTRA trouble really though is it?

if you're peeling and chopping carrots is it really effort to put some to one side before cooking the rest

I think it just pissed you off because it is a strange thing to do and possibly rude .. but in the grand scheme things its not such a big deal to do is it?

is it?

nogoeswithbellson · 02/01/2007 11:19

I think she was very rude.

Twiglett · 02/01/2007 11:22

A friend of ours, coming for Sunday Lunch .. called up on the day to say a friend of theirs (who I didn't know) had stayed over last night and could he come too

didn't bother me

I think rudeness is probably relative to friendship

the rudest person I ever knew would be always late or stand us up and then never call because she was embarrassed .. I lost touch with her as quickly as I could

scatterbrain · 02/01/2007 11:28

Well - if you've known her a long time its a bit different - I personally wouldn't dream of doing it - although if I was standing there as you were putting the carrots on to cook I might have asked if you wouldn't mind putting a few on the side for the kids to have raw - if I knew you very very well !!

I agree that it wouldn't be much effort - but it does take you into the realms of catering for each individual separately with specific requests - which should obviously be avoided at all costs !

So - I wouldn't do it - but wouldn't be too bothered if an old friend asked me too - although I think phoning in advance was the wrong way to do it ! Too formal iykwim !

wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons · 02/01/2007 11:29

Agree twig, but it makes you think the children in question are rather precious, don't you think? If your children are eating out, do you ring and check the menu beforehand, just in case the hostess is serving the wrong kind of carrots? Although actually in my case it is DH who only eats raw carrots (he doesn't pick them out of casseroles/stir frys) and cooked carrots are apparently DD's favourite food, and DS's 11th favourite food.

oxocube · 02/01/2007 11:29

Barking but not worth a row

scatterbrain · 02/01/2007 11:29

Ah you see - Twig - THAT would make me very cross (extra person !) - as it would throw all my amounts out, my seating plan would be messed up - and actually I am sounding a bit anal now - I do think that is very rude !!

Twiglett · 02/01/2007 11:31

you see you're a proper hostess ..

Twiglett · 02/01/2007 11:31

you see you're a proper hostess ..

CantSleepWithSanta · 02/01/2007 11:33

I'm with the Twig on this one. If she had just turned up and expected you to prepare extra carrots, having already cooked them, then that would have been rude. But she called you up before you would have put the carrots on to cook, and simply asked you to set some aside. What's the big deal, especially if she's a long term friend?

DizzyBint · 02/01/2007 11:33

i rarely make meals for my ILs cos they are like this. in their late 60s and they ring to say what are you making, it hasn't got x, y or z in it has it?? there is a huge list i have to adhere to. does my head in. when i go there they always ask 'what do you want to eat?' i say i eat anything at all. and they always ring back saying is this ok, this ok and this ok?

i'm embarrassed when they spend time with my family, ie at christmas and they constantly pick at food going, oh dear i can't eat this, or what's this etc etc. i;m not talking 'funny' food, just normal things, like MIL won't eat 'those funny little green bits'....herbs...

Original poster

Elasticwoman · 02/01/2007 11:39

Thanks every one. I feel able to forgive her now that I realise she felt she wasn't putting me to any extra trouble

Much worse to dump an extra person on the hostess at short notice, esp if adult unknown to her.

OP posts:

Celery · 02/01/2007 11:49

I was cooking a sit down meal for us and my MIL who was staying with us at Center Parcs this Christmas - not a fancy meal, just jacket pots, sausages, sweetcorn, but a sit down, made especially because she was leaving the day after meal, with crackers and everything. Anyhow, SIL was leaving that evening, phones up and tells her mother she is leaving NOW ( she was in another villa ), 5 minutes before we eat, and MIL announces she's off to see her to her car, and could I keep hers warm in the oven. I was SO angry, the kids were upset. . I nearly spat on her plate. Also, MIL and SIL used the kitchen in our villa all the time, and didn't clean up once.

Blu · 02/01/2007 11:51

Loon rather than rude, I think. And if you look at it another way, perhaps she was worrying that you would cook a mountain of carrots that would then be wasted.

DizzyBint · 02/01/2007 11:53

you see, my family go by good manners being eat what you're given, if you really don't like it just have a small portion.

however, dh's family go by good manners being telling the host what you don't like and guests asking for exactly what they want. they would see it as bad manners for the host not to provide something they would eat.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread