I know I've done this thread before but I have to say it again......I AM SICK TO F**KING DEATH OF MY KIDS NOT EATING THE DINNER I SERVE.

[LadyTophamHatt]

There.

said it.

Ds1 ate quite well but my bin now has at least 2 dinners worth of food in.

If I serve up shite they'll eat it but I won't do it.....they can starve before I give in.

Ungrateful little f*ckers!!!

Ernest - they won't be able to tell on ebay

am with you LTH and am sick of people telling me it's something I've done wrong, or I'm not doing.

Bollocks to it. I've done every fecking trick in teh book and sorry, but if they don't want to eat it, they just won't.

And to be honest, that's where I'm at with it. Dinner is served, eat it or don't eat it, I don't care but nothing will follow and you'll go to bed hungry.

Ds2 often does but I never give in. It doesn't make him eat though.

After having tried various nagging, cajoling, bribing etc I have now promised ds I will never ever make him eat anything he doesn't want to (huge relief for me to STOP TRYING as well) and he will just be hungry instead (although he can always help himself to anything from teh fruit bowl). Am tempted to try food dye (he won't eat anything pale) but need to search the archives here first for precedence.

I also don't think I did anything 'wrong' - he used to eat everything, now he doesn't. Am sure it will come full circle eventually.

Lio,I implore you not to use food dye.
If you do,they have you over a barrel for the next ten years.

GDG,that is the only way to go.It is also kinder on the children to know that the goalposts don't move every few meals.
Very unsettling.

My 6 year old dd is pretty fussy but again,I never give in.

Moondog, when you go into biz with Jimjams doing your stuff with auti kids who don't eat - wil it be the same approach?

If mine don't eat their dinner, they have fruit later, dd2 still has milk before bed.

Or they have a breadstick if I come over all soft at pleading eyes.

I started a star chart thing that worked in a fashion - Breakfast, lunch, dinner - smiley or sad face depending on performance, treat at weekend if lots of smileys.

They are distraught if threatened with a sad face and so I say ok eat ONE MOUTHFUL then reward with smiley.

And they never get treats at weekend as they have forgotten by then ahahahahahahaahahahahah

Olive,that is pandering.
Big time.
Why does it matter if they don't eat their food?

Dino,Jimjams and I were talking about a specific approach which can be used in any scenario.
it is called Applied Behaviour Analysis.

moondog I hope you're not being patronising, there aren't many mums of children with an ASD who don't know what ABA is.

I'm interested in how you are going to adapt your approach (which is what you describe on this thread) for children with an ASD. My DS1 is a very good eater now, but my DS3 (no dx yet, but strongly suspect on the spectrum) eats a very limited diet.

No,I'm not being patronising at all!

[sweet and innocent emoticon]

The approach I am advocating here as a parent with a faintly fussy child is very different to the one I would take as a behaviour analyst with a child on the autistic spectrum disorder.

Completely different issues!

As to the approach...well you'll have to bear with me as I am only a sememster into my p/t MSc.
I have a lot to learn.

Sorry, perhaps I am being a bit testy, it is a very sore point with me atm (I don't really want to have to get to grips with all this, but needs must)!

I will watch with interest...

LTH - serve up one meal (something healthy)on one plate for them both to share (give them a knife and fork each obviously!)It might help to create a bit of 'competition' betwen them both and you may find they want to eat up what they can before their siblings gets to it.

I do this with plates of fruit pieces and veg sticks (with tub of humous to dip veg in) and share one biug plate between my four. They gobble it all while they can and I swear I can get a good 2-3 portions of fruit/veg into them in one sitting.

Oh sorry if I touched a nerve Dino.
What are you not wanting to get to grips with?
Eating issues?
ASD?
ABA?

Or maybe all three?

Comin gin late here and wondered if for the mums whose children don't eat their tea etc - do you make lots of varied meals. So will you one day give them a curry, something you've never done before, or will you make them a mackeral salad and then get cross cos they won't eat it? I'm just curious. My DD isn't fussy but then I only really give her the food I know she likes, so spag bol, chicken, cottage pie, etc. Now and then I introduce a different thing and if it goes down well she gets it again, if not I think ok fair enough you don't like curry, we'll try that again in 6 months and see how we go then.

My ds suddenly stopped eating properly at 18 months and over the last year and a bit he has got even worse, refusing even his handful of favourite foods/meals.

For how long can I reasonably 'starve' him? It does matter to me if he doesn't eat - I'm really concerned that his physical and mental developement will be affected. It's become an issue which is affecting the whole family. I've come to dread mealtimes now

oh Mercey that must be so awful, so sorry
So what does he eat?

It varies day to day, week to week but what he will usually eat something off the following list

olives
ham
smoked salmon
bread
carrot sticks
bagel
yoghurt
toast & vegemite
cottage pie
sausage & mash
apple rice cakes
beef stir fry & rice
chocolate
biscuits
crisps
apples
grapes
apple juice
milk

Some weeks he will eat ham (for example), the next day he won't touch it for several days. Actually the list isn't too bad, but he eats such tiny quantities too.

In the last few days he's started asking for food and then just licks it. dd (5.7) is so different and will eat a much wider variety of food.

Have you had him weighed for reassurance Mercy?
Sounds like a pretty reasonable repertoire to me.

Moondog - all three!

I agree with Moondaog Mercey, it sounds an ok list to me. Is he very underwight. I loathed food when I was a kid. Used to store it in my cheeks and spit it out in the loo. Never ate my packed luches and would squish food into my pockets and empty it out in the kerb secretly on the way home. I bloody love the stuff now and although I struggled to reach 7 stone most of my childhood I was healthy and happy and reamin so no, but could ddo with losing a stone these days!

Moondog, oddly enough dd is super-slim and ds is slightly chubby - and is certainly bigger than dd was at a similar age!

What should I do though? (sorry, I just can't see the wood for the trees on this matter - it's been going on for so long now)

Ah Dino,sorry to hear that.
Are you posting on the special Need thread for support and advice?

My DS3 will eat

cheerios
mini-Weetabix (or at least he did, last time he was offered some he just played with them)
brown toast with butter
yogurt
marmite ricecakes
Baby Organix fruit purees
Hipp Organic 8 month jars of pasta etc
apples
bananas
grapes
Organix gingerbreadmen

He drinks milk, water, apple and orange juice.

He has limited his diet so much, at one stage he would eat peas, carrots, broccoli, pizza, bagels, crackers, chocolate buttons, biscuits, cheese, McDonalds fries . He won't touch any of these now.

Moondog - yes .

I haven't really posted on mainstream mn about DS3 otherwise though.

Dino, how old is your ds? Mine used to eat a wider variety too and greater quantities - and just suddenly stopped.

TeeCee, thanks for asking btw. I have to go now but will come back to this thread a bit later.

Well Dino at least it all looks pretty healthy.