Has anyone EVER managed to turn around a fussy eater?

[londonlottie]

Hoping someone might be able to help with a positive story. I have twin girls aged 26 months. Their eating tastes are so opposite it's almost laughable. I am struggling to think of a meal I can give both of them and know they'll eat.

J = generally good eater, but rarely eats much meat apart from sausages. Loves most veg, fruit, not into anything in a sauce. Has one bottle of milk before bed.

E = touches veg with suspicion. Other than maybe getting a bit of bolognese sauce into her with almost-pureed veg, she pokes at it and maybe licks it, but puts it back on the plate. And often won't have it at all. Occasionally eats fruit/raisins. Seems to live almost entirely on meat and fish. Has on average 2 bottles of milk a day, although I try to keep it to one, often she'll have a 1/2 top up to go to bed and 1/2 before her nap.

I am turning into the kind of parent I thought I'd never be - ready meals, burgers, pizza (although now E refuses that too), fish fingers, blah blah. Where have my visions of us all eating the same home-cooked meal gone??!

Is there a book out there which will help turn my fussy eater around, or do I need to just accept that this is the way it is? I have tended towards making 'dry' meals such as chicken breast, roasted sweet potato, and veg - knowing that E will eat the chicken breast and J will have the rest and at least with a meal like that they both eat SOMETHING. Am happy to try suggestions but please no suggesting that I hide the veg - E is wise to it and if she so much as spots a grain of carrot on the fork refuses it, and even in her mouth manages to swallow everything else and then spit out the vegetable matter!

I have an 11yo that I don't think ever will be an adventurous eater but who was definitely fussy from about age 2 and is now a hell of a lot better. It all came down to encouragement, perseverance and knowing when to back-off. Techniques

• Don't stress or they'll pick up on it and dig their heels in. Relax at all times
• Offer the new food in very small amounts and give big praise for sniffing, licking and especially tasting.
• Leave them to eat their new food alone rather than hover or ask questions about whether they're enjoying it or not. If you're all eating together, talk to the other people at the table, get on with your own food, and ignore what the children are doing entirely.
• Invite other little ones round, offer them a picnic of all kinds of foods and give the others big praise when they eat things. Children will often respond to peer pressure and want to join in.
• Serve new foods when everyone's most relaxed and unhurried e.g. weekends. Keep repeating them, even if they get turned down as they need to get familiar with them. Serve old favourites the rest of the time. (Nothing wrong with pizza and fish fingers)
• As they get older, involve them in preparing food, mixing cakes, choosing fruit & vegetables in the shops, growing veggies in the garden or in window boxes. PYO fruit farms and open farms are good.

HTH

Definitely don't 'hide' veg. Children are small, not stupid. :)

Yes! Ds2 is now five and is now by far my most adventurous eater!

Ds1 never been fussy and know what he likes.

Ds2 was awful but we always just served up the same as everyone else and cleared away with no fuss if he hadn't touched it. Now he will try anything! Even if he doesn't think he'll like it he'll give it a go which is all I ask of them.

I WAS a very very fussy eater as a child. I lived on ketchup, dry white bread (no crusts) and orange squash for 2 years, aged 4 to 6.

I will now eat almost anything and I've been like that since I was about 8.

I grew out of it. Just keep putting the food on the plate, so that it stays familiar looking.

As for the veg ... does she eat pasta? You can blitz carrots up with a cheese sauce (and I MEAN blitz- absolutely decimate them).

Have they ever had a dippy egg? Ds1 started eating raw carrot sticks after I served them with a dippy egg and no spoon, and made a big show about how much fun it was to eat the dippy egg with the carrots.

I meant to add - even if none of the techniques work and they just won't try things, relax. They'll probably grow out of it, they are peak age for fussy eating. It's really quite normal.

Almost exact same as Cog, except my DS is 12!

He has ASD, so was a nightmare - but by following all of the recommendations given by Cog - he is now a very reasonable eater. I think it helped too that his younger sister will eat literally anything. Certainly helped me, as it made me realise that I wasn't failing!

Also, there is nothing wrong with fishfingers, burgers and pizza. Fish is good, minced beef is good & a bit of bread, tomato & cheese is also just fine!

I found bolognaise sauce was a god send. My bolognaise would have everthing in it, whizzed up in the blender & DS never knew he was eating courgette, spinach, green beans etc - as the whole lot just looked like bolognaise!!!!

DS still doesn't like fruit (other than grapes) - but he eats his veg & is very healthy - so I can't see the point in flogging that one too much.

Yes!
DS1 at a similar age to your twins ate bread, cheese and grapes and that was it. Once his younger siblings were born and I realised they were starting to copy his eating patterns I just decided enough was enough and began cooking one meal for everyone. I always had something on the plate that he would eat and gradually he did widen his repotoire, first eating stuff like plain pasta and eventually moving to having sauce, I can't pretend it was easy but sticking with it did work. We started having a veg box and he got interested in trying new stuff that he found in there. I think you are right to limit the milk, DS definately used to fill up on it, once he had less and felt hungry he tried more things. Now he is easy to feed and interested in cooking himself (10), but he doesn't have a sweet tooth, much prefers veg to fruit and only drinks water but I can live with that! I can remember disparing that we would ever all eat the same thing though so you have my sympathy.

Thanks all, so much, about to put them down for nap but will have a good read through in a minute.

Cogito - HA, thanks for that quote - I couldn't agree more!

I dont shop to feed my childrens needs I shop for the whole family. There are no other options. If we have curry then I make a less spicy version or take something out of the freezer like bolognaise.

I've never been told by my children what they want to eat its always been served and they either like it or leave it. However, my children are young so cant comment what its going to be like in later years.

I am sick though of the words like 'fussy eater' surely this is a modern word as when I was growng up there was no money or options other than that served - no pizza, takeaways werent so prevelant. No snacking, no crisps.

My husband just wont have it, he wont have waste and will sit there until they eat what they are given. If its not eaten then no pudding and def no snacks.

I disagree with the 'phase' thing - sorry - I work on the principal of rod for own back. I also agree that getting children involved with cooking and seeing what goes in and the science is also beneficial.

its one meal for all in this house as well and eat it or go to bed hungry, evil mother!

ds2 went through a very picky stage, he literally didnt eat other than bfast, he woudl always eat that and then woudl just pick at lunch and refuse dinner. now at 9yrs old he is great, loves chilli, curry, anything hot and if i make a shepards pie or bolgnase he will add tobasco sauce to his to make it hot as thats how he likes his food!

ds4 also a picky eater, he is almost 4 and is gradually now coming out hte other side, he was also a big milk fan and i dont think that helped. again i just plate up what we are having and he will either eat it or go hungry he is gradually eating more and more, still not keen on pasta which is a pita as its a staple food in my house! but bfast and lunch are always eaten, its just dinner he can be picky with.

we always let them help out in the kitchen and its pretty much help yourself to fruit in this house as long as its not too close to dinner time. if dinner is not eaten then they get nothing else, they go to bed hungry.

thats been the way it works with all 5 of mine, they now range in age from 12yrs down to 14mths and other than ds4 who has his moments, they are all good eaters, they have things they dont like, but will always try a bit etc and no fuss is ever made, we all sit at the table to eat together and serve up a small amount and then they can get a second serving (i sometimes think a big portion is overwhelming for a small child) but at the end of the meal its taken away and that the end of it.

we dont really have puddings very often in our house at bdays, when we have friends, relatives come round etc, but you must have a good go at your main course to have some pudding, if you are hungry you will eat, most children wont starve themselves ( i am aware there are some excpetions, SN's or sensory issues etc, i am fortunate none of mine have any)

My DS went through a fussy phase from 3-5 but now eats quite well. I threw away a lot of food in those 2 years. The only thing that annoys me with his eating (I try, not very successfully, not to show this) is that he still won't eat any green veg. Other than that he's quite good nowadays. I cook family meals but in those 2 years I did make sure that I served up the 2 things he liked for dinner every week - shepards pie and pasta in tomato sauce.

Dd1 was similar and I realised from talking to friends that many children are much less fussy at nursery than home so I tried to copy what nursery did and it worked for us...

The whole family should eat the same thing and eat together as much as possible.

Cook 'family' recipes - I found the Jamie Oliver Ministry Of Food book useful - things like spag bol , stew, lasagna, roast dinners etc. I allowed myself one easy meal a week - sausages or fishfingers.

Don't make a fuss about how much they eat (although when they're a bit older you could have a rule of at least trying everything onthe plate).

Even if they leave their main course don't withhold pudding but don't give extra to compensate either.

Anyway this is just what worked for us and not intended to sound like 'rules'!!!

I was an extremely fussy eater (bread, cheese, plain pasta, plain rice and sausages). When I was 8, my parents said I had to start trying things. Gradually, between then and now, I learnt to eat pretty much anything!

Sorry not very helpfull now but just to put your mind at rest, met DH when he was 32, he didnt eat any veg...at all...or salad, I hid wiltled spinach in a fish pie and tried him on the variation of the classics, tendersteam broccolli, baby carrots and asparagus, he loves them and his Mum cant believe it. Turned out he likes firmer not watery veg. So dont worry keep exposing as you are doing and one day the taste buds may change.

Ohhh bacon, my grandpa was like you!

As a result, I was terrified of him until adolescence, and avoided him as far as I could.

I lived off chips, toast and breakfast cereal as a kid - now I'll eat most things - I still struggle with new flavours but I keep trying and eventually my tastebuds give in....it only took 10 years of trying blue cheeses for me to develop a deeper love for them.

Hi LL

I was the fussiest eater I've ever met. Actually not so bad as a baby, but progressively worse as a child till my mum gave up when I was about 12 and only ate 5 things, and gave me £5 a week and told me to buy my own food (this was the 80s, I didn't starve!). It took a couple of years of me having complete control before I started to be able to widen my diet. I had to make a conscious choice to learn to eat more things, and it was hard going, but now I can eat almost anything vegetarian.

I think I got so bad through constant food battles with my gran, so was determined not to do this with my dc. Then of course karma meant ds1 was super fussy. Didn't eat anything until 8 months, and after that would only eat yoghurt, cheese and fruit until about 2. No carbs at all. At 2 he started eating bread, then pasta, then fish and chips, but in return dropped the few veg (peas, sweetcorn, tomatoes) he used to eat. Now he's 4 and starting to try new things. So just this last week he's decided he likes green beans and peas. He's eating pasta in cheese sauce. It was really hard to just back off when his diet seemed so restricted, but it's lovely to see him open it up now.

And our dts? Like yours, a bit fussy, but oppositely so. ds2 will eat pastry, biscuits, cereal, fruit, toast, yoghurt, cheese. dd will eat fruit, some veg, pasta, fish. Having been through this with ds1, I am trying to keep calm and carry on. Making meals where I think there's some component each will eat, and then divide appropriately on the plates. We all eat together for breakfast and tea, and if they don't eat, they don't. We just let them get down from the table. We also give vitamin syrup every morning which they love.

I was comforted to read that 100 years ago, babies weren't given much beyond (breast)milk and gruel with egg until they were 2, then meat and bread could be added, but no fruit or veg till 3 or 4 because it was considered too hard to digest. Hang in there, it will get easier as long as you don't allow food to become a battle ground.

I have a VERY fussy eater. Frustratingly, DS1 ate absolutely everything when he was first weaned and it was all mushed up but it went downhill when I introduced proper solids and different textures. He had weak muscles in his mouth and suffered severe speech problems, and his speech therapist said it's very common for children with such bad speech to also be fussy eaters. They just can't do the chewing necessary for certain foods. He had a lot of speech therapy and his speech is now perfect but he is still very, very conservative about what he will eat. The best thing I ever did for him was insisting he have school dinners as it has forced him to try new things so he's got a lot better. He still has lots of peculiar quirks though. For example, he'll eat gravy on a roast dinner but not on a sausage. He'll eat bread and he'll eat ham but he won't eat a ham sandwich.

DS2 was weaned exactly the same way and offered exactly the same food choices and he will eat anything and everything.

Thanks all so much. I veer very much between thinking we should go 'hard core' - one meal for all, if they don't eat they don't eat, etc - and just going with the flow for now.

Last night good example - they had chicken goujons and chips with broccoli and peas. E ate the chicken but nothing else, J demolished the lot. I don't withhold pudding either, although I often don't offer it and they are not yet expecting there to be one.

Also try really hard not to make dinner-time a battlefield and with some success, although now they're getting older I've been trying the 'if you try X then you can have Y (their favourite thing)' with some success. J seems to get that delayed gratification thing, E doesn't yet and just gets upset if what she wants is withheld. So I haven't pursued it. I have friends with slightly older children who are already doing the 'if you don't eat at least some of everything on your plate you're going to bed early' but they do have a good eater. Just not sure I want to go down that road - I think food is such an emotive subject, especially with women and the mother-daughter dynamic.

Jamie Oliver M of F book a good idea, I think I need to get organised and come up with a list of 15 recipes (or maybe 10 ) that I can rotate, and yes maybe occasionally rely on something simpler. Will read back over this again when I have more time... breakfast time now, which is the easiest one of the day - E will eat cereal/toast/etc, just nowhere near as much of it as her sister. Having said all this the fussy one is the tallest/strongest of the two!

MummyDoIt - yes, my two were BLW (ha, hoped that would mean I avoided them being fussy, fat chance!) and have always been offered identical food. I find it fascinating therefore that they're so different, just goes to show it's not ALWAYS the parents' fault when you get a fussy eater!

like i said we do just make one meal for all in this house and thats all there is, eat it or leave it, no fuss is made either way, they get a well done for eating nicely if they eat it but it they dont nothing is said.

we do involved the children in meal planning and shopping and preparation, so they get to help choose meals and there will be a 'fave' meal for each of them during the week, like spag bog, curry, chilli etc. we also try and do new meals and are always loooking up new recipes etc, the boys will now look some up on the internet and we get good food magazine which they happily sit and read/look through and tell us if there is anything they think looks nice.

we have just always offered a good variety of food, eaten at the table together but no mealtime battles, if they eat great, it they dont then i dont engage, argue or debate over it, just clear away. mealtimes are a time for sitting and chatting and socialising and eating, so i want them to a be a happy time, and keep them relaxed etc. we may encouarge them to try something new, by saying just try a bite etc but i wouldnt go on and on at them, ask them once or twice and leave it. no forcing, no cajoling etc, leading by example is the best way, if they see you sitting and happily eating etc, ditto my little ones have elder siblings who they see eating. that is why kids often eat better at nursery etc as they are all sat together watching each other they see the others eating so they do so themselves.

there is no punishment or anything negative said if a child doesnt eat their dinner, but they wont get an alternative.

oh and as a child my dp would only eat boiled eggs or cheese on toast apparently, yet as an adult he eats anything! he grew out of it at some point, no idea what his mum did, she cant remember. but he is 6ft and healthy so it never harmed him in anyway and he now eats fine and is a good cook :)

Thanks 4madboys - I will def employ those tactics as they get older but for now there's only so much input they can have, and aged 2 I don't think they see beyond the next meal, so being involved when we shop might not have much of an impact.

IMO and E L.O.'s have personalities and dislikes and likes which begin to show at about 1 and half and upwards; why should they be treated differently from ourselves? They need to feel in control of something.

Battles at mealtimes are not a good idea. All my DCs and mindees were allowed to eat what they wanted but no snacks unless very hungry then it was fruit while waiting for the meal. I agree it's much better to sit and eat with DCs and ignore the leaving of food also the clean plate. Just show it's all fine.

I can't do one meal for all because dh doesn't get home in time and I can't deal with food being rejected so I've chosen to avoid this battle until they're older.