Has anyone EVER managed to turn around a fussy eater?

[londonlottie]

Hoping someone might be able to help with a positive story. I have twin girls aged 26 months. Their eating tastes are so opposite it's almost laughable. I am struggling to think of a meal I can give both of them and know they'll eat.

J = generally good eater, but rarely eats much meat apart from sausages. Loves most veg, fruit, not into anything in a sauce. Has one bottle of milk before bed.

E = touches veg with suspicion. Other than maybe getting a bit of bolognese sauce into her with almost-pureed veg, she pokes at it and maybe licks it, but puts it back on the plate. And often won't have it at all. Occasionally eats fruit/raisins. Seems to live almost entirely on meat and fish. Has on average 2 bottles of milk a day, although I try to keep it to one, often she'll have a 1/2 top up to go to bed and 1/2 before her nap.

I am turning into the kind of parent I thought I'd never be - ready meals, burgers, pizza (although now E refuses that too), fish fingers, blah blah. Where have my visions of us all eating the same home-cooked meal gone??!

Is there a book out there which will help turn my fussy eater around, or do I need to just accept that this is the way it is? I have tended towards making 'dry' meals such as chicken breast, roasted sweet potato, and veg - knowing that E will eat the chicken breast and J will have the rest and at least with a meal like that they both eat SOMETHING. Am happy to try suggestions but please no suggesting that I hide the veg - E is wise to it and if she so much as spots a grain of carrot on the fork refuses it, and even in her mouth manages to swallow everything else and then spit out the vegetable matter!

BlueEyeshadow - that was me when the dcs were very little. I think it becomes much more of an issue when they reject something you've slaved over. I try to offer a degree of choice "Do you want broccoli or carrots?" and take them shopping with me so they can choose fruit and veg which they want. Now (aged 10 and 8) I cook one meal for us all they might not eat all the components, but that's what we have. If DH is going to be very late then they might have fish fingers, chips and peas or pizza and salad - I don't think serving convenience food occasionally makes me a bad mother. I think it is fine for them to have likes and dislikes - who doesn't? - but keep offering without making a big deal of it. At 26 months meals for my dcs were just something they had to get out of the way before they could get back to playing. I don't think that's so unusual nor do I think it is such a bad thing. My nieces - always praised as good eaters and rewarded for clearing their plates with pudding are now frankly fat and their mum is frantically trying to undo 13 years of conditioning. Being forced to sit and clear your plate achieves what exactly? Both my dcs know when they've had enough which can only be to their benefit imo.

my dp also does shift work and often isnt at home for dinner, i still do one meal, i eat with the kids at say 5:30-6pm and if i can i plate some up for him to reheat, or else he will get himself something when he comes in.

londonlottie agre they wont get meal planning etc, but you could take them shopping and encourage them to look at the fruit and veg and leth them choose one thing each etc, plus they can help in the kitchen,, even if its just 'washing' some potaotes in a bowl etc, they are never too young to watch you cooking and get involved, even if its just chopping up a banana and other fruit to make a fruit salad. and you can get fruit/veg in in other ways ie i make courgette muffins (with cheese) kids even little toddlers can hlep make things like this and it just shows them that food is fun and they are just exploring the taste/texture etc. my tip is to keep it relaxed, not battles and just make it a nice experience for you all :)

The day you give up fighting it you will feel such a relief.Mealtimes stop being battles and it is a rare child that will starve itself to death! We finally gave up on DD2 and just gave her what she wanted to eat;I remember well an embarrassing holiday with french friends whose toddlers would ask by name for cheese, as in "could I have some Brie please?", while DD2 stuck resolutely to bread, tinned tomato soup and grapes.

she is now 18, and happy and healthy. She still has quite strong likes - coleslaw,grapes and chocolate - and strong dislikes - jelly, mushrooms - but on the whole eats a varied diet and is perfectly at ease around food. I would suggest stop fighting it, relax and then occasionally try a tiny piece of something new. if they don't want it, take it away with no fuss. If the diet is really restricted, add a multi vitamin and stop stressing about it.

When I met DH (he was 19) he ate pasta and meat, and that was pretty much it, no fruit or veg at all. He now eats most vegetables but still no fruit (except for really acidic apples ). It was a long slow process and involved lots of bribery (although I wouldn't suggest you offer the same bribes as the ones I offered DH to your DCs!). We now have 2 DCs, one who has always been a wonderful eater and the other who appears to have taken after her father as a child, grr! I just think you have to keep offering a variety of things without insisting, but giving lots of praise when they do try (even if it is just a mouthful).

dementedma, I get what you're saying but it genuinely wasn't a fight with dd1 - just a different way of thinking for me. :-)