Being asked to pay as a guest to a baby shower

[peaches5]

My youngest daughter has been invited to a baby shower in November for the sister of a close friend of hers. She's been asked to pay £10 non refundable deposit and £15 on the day. She's a new mum herself- my grandson is 5 weeks old but am I the only one who thinks this is way out of order? My eldest daughter and I paid for our baby shower in June - and no one was asked to contribute to my stepdaughters which was yesterday. Is it acceptable?

Baby showers are grabby by nature so with that logic, it’s acceptable.

This is normal among my peers- you get together in a nice tea room or something and pay £10 a head or whatever. It’s also normal among people I know to pay for your own bridesmaids dress, which is also generally considered abhorrent on mumsnet! I wonder if it’s a generational thing?

I paid £12 at a baby shower, also bought my own bridesmaid dress and shoes, and chipped in for the hen do. It's hardly like they're asking for £60/70!

I just hate baby showers... grabby and unnecessary

I wouldn’t bother going! They’re boring af anyway!

My dds wasn't grabby. Had it at home. People bought gifts but it wasn't expected and we all brought some food. She had loads of people there.

Is she planning on going and flouncing out in protest?

I'd flounce too if I was invited to a baby shower.

Grabby grabson

Why have you posted this in Flouncers' Corner?!

Tell her rather than money you will provide one of those ‘poo’ cakes they are so fond of at these things. But make it with real poo.

Baby showers... Never been to one and never will..,.just imported grabby event... Avoid.awful.

Not normal. It's meant to be free and the guests bring a gift. Of course they are awful things but if there's one happening, that's how it works.

My eldest daughter and I paid for our baby shower in June

Are you & your daughter co-parenting?

That's completely normal amongst my friends and £25 is cheap! I'm also a new mum.

It is an invitation not a summons. What is the baby shower and where?

I had a baby shower (sort of) we all went for afternoon tea and each paid for ourselves.
The idea was more to all get together before baby arrived. I specifically asked the girls not to bring any gifts and if they did then they weren’t them to buy something when baby arrived because gifts wasn’t the point of the day.

It's normal if going out for afternoon tea or something. At home I'd expect the host to pay but would ask if they would like me to contribute a cake or something.

I don’t get this trend if being invited but having to pay your own way 🤷🏻‍♀️ And on top of that having to bring a gift..

Baby showers, ugh.

Is the baby shower taking place at the friends house? If so, that is unreasonable.

If, however, the baby shower is going to involve afternoon tea at a fancy venue, then it is not unreasonable.

If they were eating out?! But if it's someones home/ hired hall then no. Your daughter can always say no, as she needs her money for the baby.

She can decline. My Dsis asked me to organise an afternoon tea baby shower and there was no way I was paying for the whole thing (still had to pay for those that didn't cough up). The whole situation was a bit awkward.

DuchessMustard- no my daughter is a single parent so me as her mother and my eldest daughter as her sister thought it would be a nice gesture

Well, it’s £25 a head. If there are even only 10 people there, that’s £250. Nice that you were able to afford to do that for your daughter and her friends, but a lot of people cannot.