Daytime TV to Hollywood Blockbuster

[TalcAndTurnips]

Bored. Want some larks and tomfoolery.

Right, the idea is this. Take an ordinary and uninspiring television programme and transform it into an all-star silver screen extravaganza. The more preposterous the better.

Homes Under The Hammer

It is the year 2057. Crime has reduced the civilised world to a place of fear and dread. The New World Government has taken the drastic step of forcing the populace to live under the threat of swift retribution and justice for anyone who trangresses.

They tell you where to live. Your house is under a huge steel plate. Step out of line - and you, your family and your home are crushed.

Homes - are quite liderally - Under The Hammerrrrrr.

Stars Sir Bradley Pitts and June Whitfield.

Certificate 18. Contains scenes of bloody violence and squashing.

Please do add more. Or not. As you please.

In The Night Garden

Steamy love story involving millionaire businessman Ignatius Piggle and innocent young Daisy Upsy, who arrives in Piggle's office in order to interview him.

Blinded by his sexual magnetism and fluffy comfort blanket, Daisy becomes embroiled in a complicated and all-consuming affair. Piggle enthralls Daisy by flying her all over the world in his personal Lear Pinky Ponk, before carting her off to the bedroom for some spanky strappy goings on.

Certificate 18. Contains scenes of sweaty heaving fleece material.

IN THE NIGHT GARDEN

strange other wordly creatures - all on some trippy drugs take over a suburban back yard creating all sorts of mayhem on the swingy seat and in the hot tub........

Match of the Day

Feel-good light-hearted romance comedy set in the office of a small regional dating agency.

Times are hard - the credit crunch bites. Agency employees Sandra (Lesley Joseph) and Tina (Her off Eastenders that looks like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle) embark on a fun rivalry intended to drum up extra business.

They set themselves the task of making one successful match every single day, no matter what it takes to bring this about. Rohypnol, handcuffs, cash bribes - all these tools come into play in the frantic efforts to secure true love.

On the final day of the challenge, Sandra has just two hours to bring together brilliant consultant neurologist Barbara Lorgnette (Anna Chancellor) and street cleansing operative Wayne Shabby (Adam Woodyatt).

Barbara is notoriously fastidious. Wayne is probably gay.

Can Sandra pull off the impossible?

Certificate 15. Contains scenes of cringingly bad jokes and awkward sexual fumblings.

CASH IN THE ATTIC

Horror.

A group of teenagers break into an elderly woman's home to steal the proceeds of a robbery that her gangster son (Ryan Gosling) unwisely let slip he has hidden in her loft. They think she's an easy target, but soon realise that beneath the twinkly-eye facade lies an evil beyond imagination...

Starring Dame Judi Dench in the role Judith Chalmers made famous on stage, and some kids you've never heard of but feature in the Daily Mail's Sidebar of Shame.

A Place in the Sun

Period Drama.

In the 18th century, pale and sheltered Lady Helena Waitrose-Occado leaves the dank shores of Blighty to recover from TB study art in an incredibly scenic location in France or possibly Italy with only her devoted maid for company.

On arrival at her she meets her teacher, broodingly intense Sir Nesto Vipers and her neighbour, kindly but tongue tied Lord Pombeare. After a some intense glances over afternoon tea and accidentally-on-purpose touching during art lessons in a dramatic and incredibly scenic location, Lady Helena gives in to her passions and dances with Sir Nesto three times in one evening.

With society buzzing about her indiscretion, Lady Helena fears her reputation is ruined and poses dramatically in an incredibly scenic but slightly dangerous location, faints from all the intensity of the drama awakes sometime later in her own bed. When she returns to society, she finds that Sir Nesto has eloped with Miss Flouncers-Corner and that it was Lord Pombeare who rescued her and dramatically carried her to safety in an incredibly scenic manner.

Full of gratitude and opiates, she accepts his proposal, and they live happily ever after in an incredibly scenic location.

Rated 12. Contains stiff upper lips, scenes of scenery, and portrayals of moustaches.

Probably has Maggie Smith and Judi Dench in it somewhere, may contain Americans trying to add class to their filmography.

I'd totally watch that movie

With the OP's kind permission we're just going to sweep this thread into films. Thanks.

Not strictly daytime but...

Starring Bruce Willis and Liv Tyler, Location, Location, Location. The story of 2 estate agents who show young moneyed types around homes. One day they have a couple who wish to buy a McMansion in Connecticut and a Manhattan loft - all goes well until they enter the lift and the door slams behind them, revealing young couple with Uzis and ransom demand - this is why they are so rich. Fantastic chase scenes across NYC skylines and happy ending with prosecco in pub garden.