"Mummy, is that a boy or a girl?"

[Ncworstthingever]

Asked about a male staff member in next who I can only assume was trans identified as had long hair, "womens" clothes and breasts (no bra so nipples visible through top - classy). Ended up being served by him but thankfully the question was asked out of earshot.

I just said "I'm not sure." What would you say? More importantly, what would you say if they asked you IN FRONT of the person, or even asked the person themselves?

Already hard work trying to convince him girls can have short hair and boys can have long hair, etc. This is a child who will hold my hair off my face and say "look! Now you're a boy!" So I am reticent to turn around and contradict myself by saying a man in a dress is a woman.

Edit for typo.

I'd probably say that he was born a boy but prefers to have long hair and wear those clothes.

I would tell the truth. That’s a boy and that’s what he likes to wear.

'It's a man who would like to be a woman, but he isn't as people can't change from one to the other'.

Only acceptable response is pointing away into the distance and trilling, ‘Oh look over there, darling, it’s a badger with a gun!’

I would also have gone with 'I'm not sure' - because that's the truth - I know people say they can always tell, but I can't, especially with only a brief contact.

What I don't want to do is make a masculine looking woman feel like crap (and I mean adult human female sort of woman).

On this case though the OP believes it to be a Man, so why avoid saying that? Our eyes have evolved magnificently to be correct.

@Ncworstthingever I state the truth. He is a man who likes to play make believe due to his gender dysmorphia.

Why not just say 'a man'? If then asked about the clothing then you just say 'thats the clothing he likes' if we stopped being so rigid about male clothes and female clothes there would be alot less issues.

Thank you for the responses. Would you say "it's a man" in earshot of the person e.g. if your child asked while you were being served at the till? And if the (blatantly obvious) man said "I'm a woman", would you correct them?

Sorry, overthinking but these were the scenarios going through my head when I was standing in the queue!

Really hope all this madness becomes a thing of the past soon.

I think "I'm not sure" sums it up well. You cannot actually know for sure and your answer was perfect.

I would hope my child knows that is not the sort of question that should be asked in in front of someone. If it was in front of him I would say that we would talk about later.

I'd say he's a man and that men and women can wear any kind of clothes and have long or short hair - and then I'd move swiftly on. If the man said he was a woman I'd just say 'ok' and ask him for a bag and complete the purchase.

yes i would just say its a man

i care more about my child understanding factual reality than validating a strangers delusions.

'It's a boy wearing womens clothes. Some men do that."
"EXCUUUUUUSE YOU! I AM OFFENDED AND I AM A LADDDDDY."
"Okay" <walks off with child>
Child: "is that a lady?"
"No it's a man dressed up in womens clothes"

I know some people take being misgendered really badly so I would not answer the question in earshot. I’d answer quietly and then distract. “Wow look at this sparkly skirt isn’t that lovely” I mean I’m a very obvious female and I work in a supermarket and a kid said to their mum once, what’s that man doing? I just looked up and chuckled and the mum laughed and said that’s a lady darling and she’s doing her work. No harm done. I didn’t worry I look like a man because I know I don’t 😄 My daughter calls herself a boy and her a brother a girl all the time. I don’t think it’s a massive issue with little ones they get confused. Better not to confuse them further imo

I second this!

If I was 100% sure it was a man, then I’d say so. I’ve yet to see or meet a man pretending to be a woman in the flesh (photos don’t count as you can’t see their height, how they speak or move) where I haven’t been able to tell is a man. Ditto the other way round.

Yeah, cos a little kid is really going to understand that.
I’d encourage my child to not ask personal questions about anyone within earshot (gender, one leg missing, green hair).
Then as most PP - “I think it’s a man”. Then depending on kid response explain anyone can wear what they like.

How do you know you’ve identified every man dressed as a woman? You may have passed many in the street.

I've tried explaining this to those who say they can always tell before but they just don't get it.

When you pass someone in the street then you're less likely to stare at each of them and scrutinise each one - although I've certainly seen some TIM who are very obviously men. When you're standing opposite someone with only a counter between you, and you have time to take in their features and build then it's much easier.

Always tell the truth (sometimes the truth is “I’m not sure”)

I would start off by implementing a rule that you are happy to talk about the appearance of people you meet out of your home out of earshot of the person because you don’t want to make them sad or angry. For example would he know that it’s rude to say that someone was fat in earshot?

My honest answer would be he’s a man who likes wearing a dress and that this was unusual so he might not like you and ds talking about it publicly. Is there a real life example you can use here like someone he knows with say a birthmark or hearing aid who would like people not to be rude and comment? Maybe ask him how he’d feel if people always asked him the same question?

@BringBackCatsEyestrue but then if I’ve passed them on the street I haven’t saw them, met them or spoken to them. The ones that I have been in close vicinity to have been very obviously the opposite sex they’re trying to portray.

Which is very different to you saying (above) "I’ve yet to see or meet a man pretending to be a woman in the flesh where I haven’t been able to tell is a man."

What you mean is you believe you can identify a transwoman if you meet or talk to them.

Well yes, but that's not what PP said.