We don’t have a male loneliness epidemic. We have patriarchy

[BellesAndGraces]

This is the best article I have read on the “male” loneliness epidemic and am sharing for anyone who hasn’t read it. What struck me most is the point it makes that we don’t have a male loneliness epidemic - we have a loneliness problem full stop but, as usual, the conversation keeps centring men as uniquely suffering.

I wanted to clap when I read these two sentences: “We don’t have a male loneliness epidemic. We have patriarchy”.

www.image.ie/self/homosociality-and-how-men-are-socialised-to-want-women-but-not-value-them-980727?fbclid=IwdGRleAPohiZleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZAo2NjI4NTY4Mzc5AAEezm6T_La9RxCeXdLioCfOK4AhY-8xk8Q4NUHo8ANazi_tbAVGulMBR8mlDbI_aem_7I2Q-1D-UMTwzM7ECS4JQw

God damn, there are some nasty pieces of work on here.

I think another factor is that it's generally easier for women to find a partner. Even fat women seem not to have too much trouble - some men even like it. Same can't be said of fat blokes. Never met a female chubby chaser!

The comment about men being widowed.

DH said that just me was enough for him and he didn’t need anyone else, he does have friends but rarely sees them. Women seem to culture friendships more so are just less alone after being widowed.

It could be phrased as women have more standards and are not prepared to put up with men who don't look after themselves properly in other words women are more prepared to stay single than be with someone who doesn't enhance their lives whereas more men just want to be in a relationship.

The male loneliness epidemic is about patriarchy because its not only men who are more lonely its just theirs is the only loneliness that is considered important.

Most of the posts on this thread are discussing men in derogatory terms, including your assertion that you 'view most men as quite pathetic'.

Huh. Our local mens' shed is entirely run by and attended by retired men. Isn't that the point?

I found the article a bit dull. And I'm a feminist. I do wonder what people hope they will achieve by preaching to the converted.

But that aside, I do think the current sexism in the world is hurting men as well as women and the issue with male loneliness is part of it. Whether it's true or not that it's worse than women, I think the argument to say it's the same is easily debunked by looking at male suicide statistics. The argument in the piece is they're only more different because men externalise their pain more. I'm not sure it really makes a case for that being unequivocally true. There's nothing evidential there.

Problem is to a man with a mental health problem this could read as minimising his pain.

Personally I do think there is something going wrong with some men and how their changing place in the world impacts mood, wellbeing etc. When you lose meaning, it can be disastrous for mental health etc. (Read Viktor Frankl's work). It's not a surprise to me that the manosphere idiots are gaining ground with this backdrop. But as in all things about sexism being the root of it, it's not down to one gender to fix it all.

Rather than hector people about what they're doing being wrong, I'd rather persuade by all of the stuff men are missing out on right now by not tacking sexism head on. This could be a joint effort. It could be about building communities which rival those that lonely men find online. Instead it places all the onus on men to make change at the end of a very very long diatribe. Much as I'd like that, that ain't going to happen.

What a bizarre thing to type.

My partner is obese and always has been throughout our relationship. Does that make me a "chubby chaser"? I think he's attractive and always had. Used to have a massive crush on him for 10 years before we got together. Dated all kinds of people in my past. For example, I dated a 6'5" guy who looked like Tom Hardy but we split up because he wasn't a nice person.

I also know of many people, male and female, who prioritise personality or other attributes over looks. Anyway, what's that brilliant Bianca del Rio quote? "Beauty fades, dumb is forever!"

Do men care what a magazine article says about them? All the men I know are working or at the gym.

Whilst its true that more men die by suicide, women make more attempts than men. Women choose less violent and therefore less successful methods. Its misleading to interpret actual deaths as an indication that men are more unhappy than women.

Society has cornered itself with decades of social media toxicity from misogynists and feminists spreading hate and division to where both sexes now deeply distrust eachother. Add to that pubs/clubs closing down, working from home, youngsters not being able to afford to move out of their parents etc people just now struggle to form basic relationships. The net result is going to be sooooo many single childless people in their 40s in ten years time. Birth rates are already falling.

I'm sure there's a lot to be said for the idea that men are just less good at dealing with their emotions in healthy ways, but at the same time, it's no good being able to talk through your feelings if you've got no one to talk to.