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Feminism: chat

Bringing a newborn to university lectures

1000 replies

Nimnuan · 30/09/2025 18:08

I'm on a part-time university course (apprenticeship) and expecting a baby in the next few weeks. I'm not intending to take a break as any break would mean a year's delay. All classes this year my baby will be under 26 weeks old and breastfeeding.
I want to bring her to lectures with me because arranging childcare and expressing breastmilk will be much more difficult at such a young age and given the university's atrocious arrangements for expressing. Obviously if she cries or is disruptive I'll have to step out into the hallway.
I've just been told that I'm not allowed to bring my newborn to lectures because it would be a "contravention of rules and regulations". I've asked to be told which rules and regulations but haven't heard back yet.
Can you give me any advice about how to argue my case?

OP posts:
Nimnuan · 01/10/2025 07:48

Miniatureschnauzers · 01/10/2025 07:43

@Nimnuan im thinking about equality act and reasonable adjustments in relation to maternity. Could you attend virtually?

I hope so but was not permitted previously. As others have said, I probably have a better case for remote attendance. This would be my first choice.

OP posts:
Tfishappening · 01/10/2025 07:49

Theboymolefoxandhorse · 01/10/2025 07:10

There is a difference between doing what you want to do in your own recreational time post having a newborn and expecting an institution with its own rules and regulations (health and safety) and that has an obligation to multiple other people to change those to suit you. I agree that life is isn’t easy for women with children and where it is reasonable I do think reasonable adjustments should be made but I also think it’s naive and unrealistic to say that we should all as women be able to chose how things go when we have a baby with regards to work - that’s not how life works and we should expect that in life hard choices have to be made.

OP has already had one child during this degree - a decision that I respect and I actually this is remarkable. Last time she was told she couldn’t bring the baby into the lecture theatre and she missed lectures. She is now weeks from having the baby and the same has happened again and the rules appear not to have changed - I’m not sure why she would expect them to or why you think that she should be able to choose what she does in this regard. OP would actually have been happy to miss the lectures but now she will miss too many and will have to defer by a year if she misses these. I’m sorry but whatever arrangement she expected to have had should have been set out in writing clearly weeks ago.

Like many have said there are many things that could preclude OP from this arrangement. OP has herself said that if this second baby isn’t as easy as the first the arrangement won’t work and she will likely have to defer anyway. She may end up driving 3hrs a day only to sit outside most of the lecture theatre because baby is unsettled (or she may not). Even if she was allowed to bring the baby and the baby didn’t make a peep, taking in the information of a 5-10 hr lecture whilst you’re trying to breast feed multiple times (baby might latch reasonably well or might not, feeds can take up to 45 mins at that age plus can be exhausting) is not the same as going for a 5k walk with your friends.

Aside from OP being successful in her request to have the lectures recorded which she is planning on re-requesting - there are many work arounds to this situation

  • OP expresses and leaves baby at home (appreciate may be issues with supply)
  • OP gives baby formula for 1 day a week for 10 weeks - and every other day of the baby’s life it is breastfed - OP expresses for comfort whilst in the lectures
  • As another PP has said someone could bring baby to the uni campus and op could pop out to feed (this could mean she’s actually missing a lot of the lectures anyway but still counts as being present so doesn’t defer her course
  • OP has to defer the course.

OP won’t be the first or last woman to have had to make compromises to her life because she has made the choice to have a child. Many people try to plan their pregnancies around maternity leave entitlements , possible promotions, exams etc precisely because they’re aware that we don’t have complete control and choice over what happens to our careers / work after having a baby. And whilst I think all women should be supported in return to work I can also see as an employer if everyone was allowed to dictate the exact circumstances that works for them individually on their return to work, it would be impractical and unfeasibke to accomodate.

The university / her employer as I believe people are paid for apprenticeships needs to make a decision based on what is the best for everyone in that situation - often insurance will have a lot to do with it too.

I do think an individualised approach could be made if uni are not allowing remote learning in this instance - OP signs a waiver to say university not responsible for anything that might happen to baby, and that if they’re disruptive she has to leave and they ask if the rest of the class would have any objection (contrary to what many have said I suspect very few people would actually be bothered by this especially if there was the promise that if baby became unsettled they would be removed) but they don’t have to do that.

All of the things you mentioned could happen. I'm not, and I don't think OP is, at all unaware of any of that. And IF they happen, then the plan as it stands won't work - of course that's true!

But what if the complications you've listed don't actually come to pass? What if the baby eats well and sleeps well and actually OP is able to sit through lectures and change, walk, sort out the baby in the breaks with no disruption? What if she inevitably misses some parts of lectures because she is a responsible adult and removes the baby should it fuss but actually that's much easier to catch up on than missing months and months because others have deemed she should stay at home??

I could have done this plan with my first baby, but definitely not with my second, they were just very different children. - I'm sure OP is aware that this might not be feasible, she's not asking to turn the lecture theatres into a nursery, she's asking to sit quietly with a newborn and carry on with her life.

I think people are assuming OP is incapable of understanding that a crying baby needs to leave the room, I think people are assuming that babies scream from morning to night with no exceptions, I think people are hugely exaggerating how much disruption someone walking out of a lecture theatre will cause.

If a dedicated, keen woman was doing the herculean task of trying to study at the same time as caring for a newborn round the clock and in order to do that brought her baby to lectures one day a week for a few months and the baby was docile and quiet (as mine would have been) and she was clearly doing everything necessary to be considerate of other students then you'd have to be a real... 'character' to object to it simply on principle.

Freshfacet · 01/10/2025 07:49

Freshfacet · 01/10/2025 07:43

You will be up and down like a jack in the box

feed
burp
more burp
Nappy change

etc

Op?

it’d not just having the baby there

what about the burping? What about the nappy changes?

PurpleThistle7 · 01/10/2025 07:50

pinkstripeycat · 01/10/2025 07:17

All lectures at all universities are recorded so you can watch them in your own time

this isn’t true. I work at a university and lecturers can opt out of recording and plenty do

Freshfacet · 01/10/2025 07:50

Tfishappening · 01/10/2025 07:49

All of the things you mentioned could happen. I'm not, and I don't think OP is, at all unaware of any of that. And IF they happen, then the plan as it stands won't work - of course that's true!

But what if the complications you've listed don't actually come to pass? What if the baby eats well and sleeps well and actually OP is able to sit through lectures and change, walk, sort out the baby in the breaks with no disruption? What if she inevitably misses some parts of lectures because she is a responsible adult and removes the baby should it fuss but actually that's much easier to catch up on than missing months and months because others have deemed she should stay at home??

I could have done this plan with my first baby, but definitely not with my second, they were just very different children. - I'm sure OP is aware that this might not be feasible, she's not asking to turn the lecture theatres into a nursery, she's asking to sit quietly with a newborn and carry on with her life.

I think people are assuming OP is incapable of understanding that a crying baby needs to leave the room, I think people are assuming that babies scream from morning to night with no exceptions, I think people are hugely exaggerating how much disruption someone walking out of a lecture theatre will cause.

If a dedicated, keen woman was doing the herculean task of trying to study at the same time as caring for a newborn round the clock and in order to do that brought her baby to lectures one day a week for a few months and the baby was docile and quiet (as mine would have been) and she was clearly doing everything necessary to be considerate of other students then you'd have to be a real... 'character' to object to it simply on principle.

but even if quiet and docile….

nappy changes?

user1476613140 · 01/10/2025 07:52

Nimnuan · 01/10/2025 07:37

This was refused previously but if I can get them to agree to change their minds would definitely be the best for me.

Well, it's a no brainer🤷‍♀️ you get your lecture fix at home and others won't be disturbed by a baby. It's a compromise.

user1476613140 · 01/10/2025 07:52

PurpleThistle7 · 01/10/2025 07:50

this isn’t true. I work at a university and lecturers can opt out of recording and plenty do

Not very inclusive.

Tfishappening · 01/10/2025 07:53

Freshfacet · 01/10/2025 07:50

but even if quiet and docile….

nappy changes?

Leave the room and go to the toilet? Like everyone else in the lecture hall will have to do if they need the toilet??

DoctorDoctor · 01/10/2025 07:53

Nimnuan · 30/09/2025 22:28

You've asked if my employer has agreed. I've answered that they have.

Were they aware that the university won't allow this when they agreed?

PurpleThistle7 · 01/10/2025 07:54

user1476613140 · 01/10/2025 07:52

Not very inclusive.

no not at all. I didn’t say I agreed with it (I’m in admin anyway), I just said it’s what happens.

PurpleThistle7 · 01/10/2025 07:54

user1476613140 · 01/10/2025 07:52

Not very inclusive.

no not at all. I didn’t say I agreed with it (I’m in admin anyway), I just said it’s what happens.

Freshfacet · 01/10/2025 07:57

Tfishappening · 01/10/2025 07:53

Leave the room and go to the toilet? Like everyone else in the lecture hall will have to do if they need the toilet??

Are you kidding? Getting up and out of a lecture hall with a newborn, and bag etc, likely a few times in each session, and then you’ll be gone for 15 mins.

possibly walk back in and promptly need to leave again

Nimnuan · 01/10/2025 07:57

DoctorDoctor · 01/10/2025 07:53

Were they aware that the university won't allow this when they agreed?

They are aware that is it's not permitted by the university I'll be making other arrangements.

OP posts:
Fetaface · 01/10/2025 07:57

DervlaGlass · 30/09/2025 18:55

Twenty years ago was different times. They wouldn't have noticed for a while if a student dropped dead in class (I speak from literal experience).

There was about 20 of us in the lecture. The lecturer absolutely did know she was there with the baby. You can't miss a baby in a small room with so few people. It was different. People were more tolerant of others and a bit more flexible.

Tfishappening · 01/10/2025 07:58

PurpleThistle7 · 01/10/2025 07:54

no not at all. I didn’t say I agreed with it (I’m in admin anyway), I just said it’s what happens.

This is the part that I think OP needs to challenge forst. Withholding the information for those who cannot physically attend a session seems discriminatory for a number of reasons.

Freshfacet · 01/10/2025 08:00

Tfishappening · 01/10/2025 07:53

Leave the room and go to the toilet? Like everyone else in the lecture hall will have to do if they need the toilet??

You honestly think an adult dashing out for a quick wee is the same as the OP taking her newborn out for potentially multiple nappy changes?

Freshfacet · 01/10/2025 08:01

Nimnuan · 01/10/2025 07:57

They are aware that is it's not permitted by the university I'll be making other arrangements.

Have you factored in burping and nappy changes?

Tfishappening · 01/10/2025 08:01

Freshfacet · 01/10/2025 07:57

Are you kidding? Getting up and out of a lecture hall with a newborn, and bag etc, likely a few times in each session, and then you’ll be gone for 15 mins.

possibly walk back in and promptly need to leave again

Yes, picking up a bag is a known disaster, how do people possibly do it?

If your experience of newborn is 15-minute nappy changes back to back then that's your experience. It certainly wasn't mine.

Freshfacet · 01/10/2025 08:03

Tfishappening · 01/10/2025 08:01

Yes, picking up a bag is a known disaster, how do people possibly do it?

If your experience of newborn is 15-minute nappy changes back to back then that's your experience. It certainly wasn't mine.

Wow

when was the last time you changed a newborn?

and then op returns after 15 mins and…, oh, another nappy change!

Elbowpatch · 01/10/2025 08:03

user1476613140 · 01/10/2025 07:52

Not very inclusive.

No, but people have their reasons. Privacy being one of them. Poor face-to-face lecture attendance being another.

Despite the hysteria over no face-to-face lectures during covid, many/most students actually prefer not to attend lectures and watch the recordings instead.

Freshfacet · 01/10/2025 08:04

Forgetting disruption to other students and lecturer

OP… surely you can see that likelihood is you’ll leave the lecture hall at the end of the day and have taken in very very little

Tfishappening · 01/10/2025 08:08

Freshfacet · 01/10/2025 08:03

Wow

when was the last time you changed a newborn?

and then op returns after 15 mins and…, oh, another nappy change!

I have a 10 month old and a 4 year old. This was not my experience with either one. Sounds like you had a hard time of it - so this plan would be have worked for you. That's fine, people and babies are all different aren't they?

Freshfacet · 01/10/2025 08:12

Tfishappening · 01/10/2025 08:08

I have a 10 month old and a 4 year old. This was not my experience with either one. Sounds like you had a hard time of it - so this plan would be have worked for you. That's fine, people and babies are all different aren't they?

It wasn’t a hard time to spend 15 mins walking to toilet, settling newborn, undressing, cleaning bottom throughly, drying, new nappy, dressing, and then walking back.
it was lovely

Freshfacet · 01/10/2025 08:13

Tfishappening · 01/10/2025 08:08

I have a 10 month old and a 4 year old. This was not my experience with either one. Sounds like you had a hard time of it - so this plan would be have worked for you. That's fine, people and babies are all different aren't they?

are you on maternity leave?

HK04 · 01/10/2025 08:16

Nimnuan · 01/10/2025 07:48

I hope so but was not permitted previously. As others have said, I probably have a better case for remote attendance. This would be my first choice.

OP in that case write to them. Email is fine. Note that pregnancy/maternity is a protected characteristic under the Equality Act (2010) and as you are not able to take wee one in, what adjustments are they able to accommodate to ensure you are not disadvantaged or treated unfavourably including due to breastfeeding. Could note that allowing you to join remotely would ensure that the PCP (policy, practice or criterion) can be adjusted. Add that this can be accommodated for disability and the law gives equal weighting to the characteristics. End by emphasising that you remain open to considering their proposals, that it has never been easier to accommodate the request (remote or video lecture) and that you remain a committed student etc. Ball back in their court. As well as Maternity Action, EASS can also advise. Eq Act applies to education also.

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