Bringing a newborn to university lectures

[Nimnuan]

I'm on a part-time university course (apprenticeship) and expecting a baby in the next few weeks. I'm not intending to take a break as any break would mean a year's delay. All classes this year my baby will be under 26 weeks old and breastfeeding.
I want to bring her to lectures with me because arranging childcare and expressing breastmilk will be much more difficult at such a young age and given the university's atrocious arrangements for expressing. Obviously if she cries or is disruptive I'll have to step out into the hallway.
I've just been told that I'm not allowed to bring my newborn to lectures because it would be a "contravention of rules and regulations". I've asked to be told which rules and regulations but haven't heard back yet.
Can you give me any advice about how to argue my case?

"For no reason other than people can't comprehend allowing them to continue on with their lives and have a baby at the same time."

Now I'm all for supporting women to chase all their dreams however pie in the sky. But. There are lots of valid reasons why women need to compromise when they have a baby and that's largely down to their own recovery. Pretending we can pop out a baby and be back in work in the afternoon is also very harmful and really negates the experience of childbirth and how traumatic that is for the female body.

Obviously there are women in situations where they have no choice but to go back to work/ their business etc but what we need is a system that has more respect for the experience of childbirth and the early months and years and provides women with more opportunity for rest and recovery without it compromising their career or credibility. Op isn't asking a lot of the university, but she's asking a LOT of herself.

Op is your employer putting you through this course? Is there a time frame they need you to complete by? How long are you taking as maternity from work and how does study factor into your working hours? As in would you technically be over in your kit days via study days?

OP you can definitely get a pump which just goes down your top and is fairly quiet. I've been in meetings and flights with mine on - much smaller setting than a lecture. I did have to find a kitchen or toilet to get it info bags and then I'd find a fridge to leave it in (I just asked cafes or uses a communal kitchen one) rather than dragging it round with me as you describe.

I really sympathise with the multi tasking and also pumping is a mission and time consuming and young babies want to be with their mum, but equally it sounds like a very long day for you and baby and still a lot of logistics. It sounds like you're very keep to get on with the course which has been going on for ages, personally having gone through this recently, unless you have an incredibly easy baby if sounds exhausting trying to do it at the same time.

Are you saying your happy with mums bringing their newborn or small babies with them during lecturers? If one mother is allowed then more women would want the same right.
Can you imagine how disruptive it would be if the baby started crying. It's not fair on the rest of the students. They arent paying 9k a year for listening to another baby cry during classes

Sorry op I assumed you were maybe doing this by yourself but I see you have a husband? Why can't he accommodate this and do split maternity/paternity or could he work adjusted hours so he can be close by with baby and bring baby to you when needed for nursing on your uni days if you absolutely have to be there in person? Rather than the baby sit through the full lecture and maybe you have more space to concentrate in between?

Isn't that for OP to decide though? She might have to take time to recover, she might not. I had an emergency c section and 10 days later I was walking 5K to meet friends for picnics. It happens. And had I wanted to (I didn't) I could have done the sort of schedule OP is describing.

I understand your point about providing the space to heal and rest without compromising her career and I completely agree. But that very often isn't the case in the real world - and in this instance, it's not what OP wants. She should get to choose what she wants and her reasons for it should be all that matter.

Omg this can't be a genuine post.

If one mother is allowed then more women would want the same right.

Good! They should! Then things might begin to change, accommodations might have to be made to allow women who have commited the sin of childbirth and lactation to come to lectures and continue studying AND allow others to study alongside. Things might have to change - imagine that! We might actually have to do things a bit differently, think around the problem instead of resolutely continuing with things 'as they've always been done' and crying that it can't work.

What would happen if we actually started treating women who have just given birth as real people?

I also had a c section and was out and about 10 days pp, and developed sepsis. I nearly died.

I think the university have a duty to the OP to protect her during recovery, which is probably why they deferred her after her previous child.

The OP has said that she'd choose a rough few months if her baby didn't sleep through, but you can't go back on maternity leave once you've come off it, so she needs to make a choice before it comes to it, and that means weighing up the pros and cons. She might have to take the time to recover but if she waives that time off then she's lost that right.

10 hour days, 3 hours of travel, broken nights of sleep, and caring for a newborn on top of studying is a huge ask and you can be as determined as you want to make it happen and assure yourself it is safe and practical but that doesn't automatically make it so.

I think the university could record the lectures and it wouldn't be a huge ask, but equally if they suggested deferring a year it would be because they're considering her best interests.

I also had a c section and was out and about 10 days pp, and developed sepsis. I nearly died.

Then this sort of schedule wouldn't have worked for you. If similar happens to OP then I'm sure she'll have to adjust her plans, I doubt very much she hasn't thought of that.

I think the university have a duty to the OP to protect her during recovery

because they're considering her best interests

She's a grown adult. They are not in loco parentis. Nobody should be making decisions on her behalf about her body during her recovery. Can you imagine if employers or service providers throughout the country suddenly started making decisions for grown women 'in their best interests'? "Want to come back to work after 6 months? No, dear, we think you should sit down and continue to dismiss your own goals and an increasing time penalty in progressing in your career because we think it would be best if you rested, you can't possibly know your own mind"

There's no way to argue this as its fundamentally not ok. People are paying to be there, they have a right to not be distracted by a crying baby and you going in and out. And you're not going to be able to focus either. It's equivalent to trying to argue that you should be able to take the baby to work.

Surely this has to be a reverse and not someone who is legitimately so entitled that they feel like it’s ok for the rest of the class to suffer what will likely be significant disruption because it suits their not even needs but wants (given the fact they have pointed out they have a good support system in terms of both their partner and family)….

The university can't possibly know how her postpartum journey will go though anymore than the OP does.

Do I think she should defer her studies? No. I think the university should be offering her remote options and offering a safer alternative. There's no good reason why they can't be recorded.

I do also think that the university would be right to say no babies on campus, if it isn't safe, fair or insurable.

Do I think she should defer her studies? No. I think the university should be offering her remote options and offering a safer alternative. There's no good reason why they can't be recorded.

I agree. For me, considering the travelling etc, this would be my preference. And if my university really wouldn't accommodate this I think this really is where I would focus my action / complaint - they cannot deny her access to her course both in person and online

OP has chosen to breed, Fair enough. But should not be foisting the results of that lifestyle onto others who have made different choices.

No she doesn't get to "choose what she wants" when that involves bringing a newborn to lectures against health and safety regulations and with no consideration for the feelings of other students who dont get a say. How entitled.

Duplicate post

The 'choose what she wants' was in reference to making decisions about her own physical abilities after childbirth, not have someone else decide how much rest she should have or what she could manage.

OMG, what have I just read???? Are you deluded??? You can’t bring a newborn baby to lectures and disrupt other people’s learning. You’ve chosen to have this baby so it’s your learning that has to be disrupted, not theirs. Other people are paying good money to be there and don’t want to listen to a screaming baby. This is one of the most bonkers and entitled threads I’ve ever read on MN!! 😮 😮

JUST TO BE CLEAR, YABU!!!!!

Other people shouldn't have to hear babies crying during lecturers, affecting their ability to concentrate because of women bringing their little ones in.
And how much do you think these mothers will be concentrating during their classes as they either soothe/feed/change/trying to put them to sleep

You Donny know what your baby will be like. My youngest would have happily napped through lectures and been no problem. My eldest was an unsettled newborn who needed to be rocked, pushed etc to sleep, and whimpered and whined a lot. He needed huge amounts of attention, and to be honest, I could not have studied even out of the lecture hall with him.

In the nicest way, OP, have you really considered what life with a newborn will be like. If you have a super easy one, your plan to just carry on may work. But equally, it may take you time to recover from your birth, your baby may be 'high needs' (many are), you may struggle from sleep deprivation and, even though I am not suggesting you will experience full post-natal depression or anything, many women really struggle with their emotional state after having a baby. So make sure you are factoring in time to look after yourself and baby, and thing about whether delaying your studies by a year really is such an awful thing to do.

you are choosing to have a baby and choosing to continue uni the pother students in your class did not choose to have this baby but did choose to go to uni and paid a lot of money for the class in question they should not have their learning disrupted I would also imagine there would be insurance issues and legal issues you do not know the background of the other students

Argue your case? It's completely unreasonable to think you have a case.

Exactly.

There is no way to argue this. It's absurd to even consider and if I was a class mate I'd be complaining and raising hell until your selfish distraction was removed.
You're not the only one in the class and likely not the only one with kids.

For those saying it should be okay, would you think it would be okay for a lecturer to bring her baby into the lecture on KIT days, or anyone else bringing their newborn baby into the work environment eg doctor, teacher, bus driver, pilot?