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Feminism: chat

Feminism: sex and gender

Original poster

Is this pensioner going down Andrew type rabbit holes?

27 replies

justasking111 · 14/07/2025 00:05

Retired man gets to do what he likes, hobbies etc . His wife is having health issues temporarily disabled awaiting surgery hopefully. He's turned into such an angry man. He now has to take the bins out onto the road because of the steps she can't manage. He has to do some shopping and carry heavy stuff. He has to carry the wet washing out for her . Apart from that everything rolls on as before. He does do some cooking.

He rages that she should apply for attendance allowance and give him the money. He keeps accusing her of gaslighting him. Now where did he learn that word?

She's starting to suspect he's going on moaning about women websites and getting lots of sympathy and advice on how to handle her from certain things he's blurted out during his frequent tantrums. They're just not his words, turn of phrase.

Is this possible, if so anyone have an idea how to find out. It's really affecting him in a negative way.

OP posts:
ninjahamster · 14/07/2025 00:09

Tbh, why he is doing it is kind of irrelevant. His wife needs to be moved to a place where she can be looked after properly. He sounds like a twat.

Sodthesystem · 14/07/2025 00:13

There is contempt there to begin with. Otherwise he wouldn't go looking for other people who hate women.

It's not like he's a young guy who knows nothing if the world and so can be easily brainwashed into women hate.

The contempt is there. Because the mysoginy was always there. His wife, who he sees as an appliance, is malfunctioning. Men are something like 100 times more likely to leave their sick wives for that very reason.

It's not the content that's the problem. It's his own views on women. You're just seeing the truth of them now because he's inconvenienced.

Original poster
justasking111 · 14/07/2025 00:16

ninjahamster · 14/07/2025 00:09

Tbh, why he is doing it is kind of irrelevant. His wife needs to be moved to a place where she can be looked after properly. He sounds like a twat.

She doesn't need looking after. Still managing the housework, some shopping, dressing, bathing. Is it so unreasonable to ask for help with the bins, wet washing, heavy shopping when you're using a walking stick so are one handed?

OP posts:
GuevarasBeret · 14/07/2025 00:18

justasking111 · 14/07/2025 00:16

She doesn't need looking after. Still managing the housework, some shopping, dressing, bathing. Is it so unreasonable to ask for help with the bins, wet washing, heavy shopping when you're using a walking stick so are one handed?

Show quote history

Of course not, but as has been said- the content reflects views he already has.

PandoraSocks · 14/07/2025 00:21

@justasking111 the man is abusing the woman in this scenario. It is pointless trying to get to the root of why. This woman needs help to escape.

I have a feeling you are talking about your own husband.

Original poster
justasking111 · 14/07/2025 00:23

Sodthesystem · 14/07/2025 00:13

There is contempt there to begin with. Otherwise he wouldn't go looking for other people who hate women.

It's not like he's a young guy who knows nothing if the world and so can be easily brainwashed into women hate.

The contempt is there. Because the mysoginy was always there. His wife, who he sees as an appliance, is malfunctioning. Men are something like 100 times more likely to leave their sick wives for that very reason.

It's not the content that's the problem. It's his own views on women. You're just seeing the truth of them now because he's inconvenienced.

Edited

An appliance that's good analogy.
He's 74 hardly likely to find anyone else to put up with his moods. She's not sick it's an orthopedic issue. Whereas she's nursed him through various surgeries including prostate surgery.

He's obsessed with Instagram, sharing odd stuff at times around the family.

OP posts:
Brendahollowayreconsider · 14/07/2025 00:24

I bet he's sat back his whole life and has been waited on hand and foot and he's not liking the change.

Original poster
justasking111 · 14/07/2025 00:28

Brendahollowayreconsider · 14/07/2025 00:24

I bet he's sat back his whole life and has been waited on hand and foot and he's not liking the change.

He's not lazy, always on the go. He's got some mates with his hobbies but moans ones wife is showing signs of dementia, another wife went and got cancer so his mates have less free time.

You know that faulty appliance really is spot on.

OP posts:
Brendahollowayreconsider · 14/07/2025 00:31

justasking111 · 14/07/2025 00:28

He's not lazy, always on the go. He's got some mates with his hobbies but moans ones wife is showing signs of dementia, another wife went and got cancer so his mates have less free time.

You know that faulty appliance really is spot on.

Show quote history

He's always on the go for himself but resentful of his wife having health issues and having to do a bit.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 14/07/2025 10:16

Perhaps he sees it as beneath him because it's women's work. He sees women or his wife as his skivvy, there to make his life comfortable and she's not. This is an inconvenience and he's blaming her.

I doubt he's been indoctrinated, I imagine he's always thought like this.

Sodthesystem · 14/07/2025 12:12

justasking111 · 14/07/2025 00:28

He's not lazy, always on the go. He's got some mates with his hobbies but moans ones wife is showing signs of dementia, another wife went and got cancer so his mates have less free time.

You know that faulty appliance really is spot on.

Show quote history

You might want to read up on narcissistic personality disorder then. See if anything else resonates.

Often mysoginstis are narcissists.

Jacobs4 · 14/07/2025 12:17

Lots of blokes reveal clueless hostility under pressure. Sad when you can’t sugar coat it any more.
How about giving him the Philip Yancey book about Grace? A more gracious and generous persoection.
a lot of people are like robot vacuums, they need pointing in the right direction.

AutumnFroglets · 14/07/2025 12:34

He's not lazy, always on the go.
Always on the go for hobbies and fun is not the same as being lazy around household chores, or shopping/cooking, or laundry, or gardening. A man who puts his mates first can still be very selfish towards his wife.

I suspect he has always been this way but because she's done everything to make his life easy it hasn't shown. Now he is expected to be an actual supportive partner rather than the "star" and give some of his time to the drudgery and/or his wife he is resentful and angry. Poor woman probably expected him to care for her as much as she's cared for him and is now finding out he really doesn't care. At all.

PandoraSocks · 14/07/2025 14:54

@justasking111 You might want to share this page with the woman, there are some sources of help in the article which might be useful, and a case study of sorts.

No age limit: Domestic abuse campaign | Age UK https://share.google/9sveNKdkqOfBqMQIC

unsync · 14/07/2025 15:18

In addition to what everyone else has said, as she is able to look after herself and it's mainly household tasks that are the problem, it's unlikely that she would qualify for AA.

FfaCoff · 14/07/2025 15:21

You've been posting about your husband for a while now op. He's inherently selfish and has very little regard for you. Andrew Tate didn't do that to him.

cloudyblueglass · 14/07/2025 15:24

justasking111 · 14/07/2025 00:16

She doesn't need looking after. Still managing the housework, some shopping, dressing, bathing. Is it so unreasonable to ask for help with the bins, wet washing, heavy shopping when you're using a walking stick so are one handed?

Show quote history

He’s an utterly selfish arse hole who sounds like he has been having his arse wiped for him by his wife for a very long time.

shuggles · 15/07/2025 18:40

@justasking111 I can sympathise with both people in your post. It sounds like the man is having to do extra work to look after someone, and it's also unfortunate the wife is unwell and presumably has difficulty doing the things that she normally enjoys.

... but absolutely nothing you said has anything to do with Andrew Tate...

Sunshineandblueskysalltheway · 16/07/2025 12:10

justasking111 · 14/07/2025 00:16

She doesn't need looking after. Still managing the housework, some shopping, dressing, bathing. Is it so unreasonable to ask for help with the bins, wet washing, heavy shopping when you're using a walking stick so are one handed?

Show quote history

Of course it fucking isn't. Why do you need to ask these questions?

It is clear he dislikes his wife and women as a group. Absolutely crystal clear. Help her to leave him.

FictionalCharacter · 21/07/2025 12:11

shuggles · 15/07/2025 18:40

@justasking111 I can sympathise with both people in your post. It sounds like the man is having to do extra work to look after someone, and it's also unfortunate the wife is unwell and presumably has difficulty doing the things that she normally enjoys.

... but absolutely nothing you said has anything to do with Andrew Tate...

It’s already been made clear that he is not having to look after her. She doesn’t need that. All he’s being asked to do is things like taking the bins out.

shuggles · 21/07/2025 20:46

@FictionalCharacter It’s already been made clear that he is not having to look after her.

She is having health issues which prevents her from lifting things. As someone who looks after a disabled person, I assure you that in that house he is doing a lot to assist her.

usedtobeaylis · 21/07/2025 20:49

He sounds really unsupportive. You hear about it all the time, when the wife is unable to keep carrying the load the men resent it. He sounds pretty awful.

FictionalCharacter · 22/07/2025 10:04

shuggles · 21/07/2025 20:46

@FictionalCharacter It’s already been made clear that he is not having to look after her.

She is having health issues which prevents her from lifting things. As someone who looks after a disabled person, I assure you that in that house he is doing a lot to assist her.

He’s temporarily having to put the bins out, do some shopping and carry the wet washing. That isn’t him looking after her, it’s him doing more than usual of the household chores that benefit both of them.

LeftieRightsHoarder · 22/07/2025 11:46

shuggles · 15/07/2025 18:40

@justasking111 I can sympathise with both people in your post. It sounds like the man is having to do extra work to look after someone, and it's also unfortunate the wife is unwell and presumably has difficulty doing the things that she normally enjoys.

... but absolutely nothing you said has anything to do with Andrew Tate...

How can you sympathise with a man who resents sharing household chores with his wife, who is currently incapacitated? She
looked after him when he needed it. Sounds as though you feel housework is an imposition on men.

PandoraSocks · 22/07/2025 12:18

shuggles · 21/07/2025 20:46

@FictionalCharacter It’s already been made clear that he is not having to look after her.

She is having health issues which prevents her from lifting things. As someone who looks after a disabled person, I assure you that in that house he is doing a lot to assist her.

As someone who is a carer for a disabled spouse I can assure you the DH is being very unpleasant over having to do a few tasks his wife is currently unable to do.

Did you not read what he said about AA? That would be financial abuse.

I hope your friend is OK @justasking111 and that you are too.