Being patronized as an older woman

[theninthwave]

I'm two weeks away from my 59th birthday. I've noticed in the last few years that men have become more and more patronizing towards me. I look a bit younger than I am (about 5 years). Does this mean that any woman over 50 is considered to be a stupid idiot by a great many males? I am starting to find it very anger inducing and feel like punching these men when they act like this. Not saying 'all men' or that women aren't sometimes guilty; it does seem to be mostly men though, especially in the workplace.

Has anyone else come across this?

Any suggestions for good come backs?

I'll hit 60 in the not too distant future. I've always bumped up against the odd patronising bloke and haven't noticed a particular increase - not yet, anyway.

I'm crap at comebacks but I did enjoy proving the last one wrong...

I'm a lot older than you.

I'm afraid it isn't just men who patronise older women and regard us as stupid.

I'm nearly 67 and I can't say I've ever felt patronised by anyone, male or female, because of my age.

Tell me what they specifically said and I can probably offer comebacks.

As a teenager I was patronised by everyone older - what do kids know, didn't they teach you that in school, we'll need to ask your Mother etc.

20's was anyone over 50 - never lived, no life experience, baby brain etc.

30's goldilocks zone years, young enough to know what's trendy, old enough to 'know stuff'. Occasionally mansplained when buying cars, tools etc.

40's patronised by the young ones, too old for new tech, every discrepancy is the menopause, beautician starts talking about aging skin cream.

50's+- dreading it, presume the young ones will treat me like a dinosaur but I guess what goes around comes around as I probably thought older work colleagues were a bit slow on the uptake and past their best back in my 20's 😳

It's okay OP. Once you hit 60 you are invisible. The only patronising you will get will be from health care providers.

can't say I've noticed any additional patronising now I'm 60+ - but I have a resting face which can turn people to stone at 50m so maybe that helps.

Totally agree. A neighbour, a woman talks to me in a sing songy patronising voice.

And as usual there are multiple women saying they have never had this happen to them. Maybe you are simply not old enough yet? Talking to older people, and women get it worse, as if they are toddlers is very common.

OK I'll bite Khakipombear

2 things......

My experience is my experience - you don't get to dis that. I've not experienced being patronised because of my older age - my sex yes, my older age ,No

So I'm 63. How old do you think I need to be to experience being spoken to patronisingly ?

Yep I'm with you at 61!

Is @KhakiPombear being patronising due to us being too 'young' to have the lived experience?! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mine too. It’s less resting bitch face than resting tank face.

Me thinks you could be right StMarieforme

I think men have always been patronising. I have less tolerance for it now though (57).

I think I must have one of those.
I'm small, always had long fair hair and probably looked a bit younger than I am till fairly recently. Despite this I've somehow very rarely managed to feel patronised (though I know many women are!). I'm 63 now and it's not started ... yet.

I think I've been fortunate in my work - early into scientific software development in a field where there are quite a few high profile women.

It was younger women who patronised me in the workplace. It was infuriating.
The men never did.

But yes, becoming invisible, or just in the way of their ambition (the number of times that these women would ask when I was thinking of retiring, was awful) once I hit my late 50s.

Hear hear, and ditto.

I'm 67.5

I can't say I've ever been patronised, but that's likely because I don't let people patronise me. It involves being rude at times.

I'm 62 and I don't get that at work really. Probably because I wiped the floor with the last one.

My resting bitch face is my superpower. I’m 56, look every minute of it. I wouldn’t tolerate being patronised due to my gender nor age.

I think some of us “glare it out” rather than take it to heart so it makes less of an impact on us and we forget it very quickly.

😂

I think MN is often perfect example of people talking to each other in a patronising way, this thread for instance has a nice example 😂 I'm with you on the resting face @DPotter - it's my strongest weapon. I honestly don't experience being patronised anymore - I don't think anyone dares! If anything I think my age and perhaps position now in life gets me more respect.

I'm early 60s and I don't bother thinking up comebacks to rude, patronising or otherwise unwanted things people may say. These days I ask them either to explain what they mean, or say "go on" or repeat back what they've said. It mostly results in embarrassment, theirs. 🫣

Haven't RTFT but tbh I'm finding women worse in this regard. I'm 56 and getting fed up with things I say being answered with 'Oh, bless.' 😬

Ugh yes!! I had this when I was in my early 30s though!! I was in Boots looking at makeup, and asked the assistant about something I wanted to wear on my wedding day; "Oh bless!" Wtf. I'm 59 now, and look angry a lot of the time, it's stopped a lot of patronising idiots. There's a horrible old bloke who tried to patronise me while I was walking my dog; I'm small and he thought he could bully me. He got a couple of sharp retorts, and he avoids me now. If he sees me leaving the house he goes back inside. I don't know what it is, but I'll take that super power 💪 😉 #evileye!! 😆😆

I'm curious what sort of things an adult could say to elicit that response.