Vagina joke

[hotdogcharge]

I was in a team of 4 men (me being the only woman) and my manager. We were having a work meeting the other day when my manager cracked a joke about smelly fannies, which quite frankly wasn't even funny. I felt embarrassed, disrespected and when I came home - I cried when I told my husband.

Was this sexual harassment?

That's because they want you to err on the side of caution, in case you meet someone who wants to report a joke about genitalia.

In practice, nothing really happens when employees report issues. Otherwise you wouldn't have workplaces in which employees suffer long term psychological and physical problems as a result.

Well, you have a really odd idea of what's ok in the workplace, and the law disagrees with you quite strongly.

Your attitude is such a weird combo of martyrdom, gatekeeping, and minimising!

I'm sorry you had a shit experience - but why is your response to that to dismiss someone else's feelings of public humiliation? Why can't you accept that behaviour like this is how certain groups in society are told they don't belong?

Well, you have a really odd idea of what's ok in the workplace, and the law disagrees with you quite strongly.

I didn't say it's OK. I said it's not worth any effort given how minor it is.

Why can't you accept that behaviour like this is how certain groups in society are told they don't belong?

Certain groups in society may feel like they don't belong if they are a minority- one person alone in a crowd. Women are a majority group in society.

Women are a minority in many industries such as STEM and trades for example. In this particular case, the OP was the only woman in the room.

These things are also subjective, one woman may not be bothered but the OP was upset and felt humiliated. In order for this to be nipped in the bud, she should go to HR as it's inappropriate in the workplace.

Certain groups in society may feel like they don't belong if they are a minority- one person alone in a crowd. Women are a majority group in society.

But they're often a minority in many workplaces. (And in some it's men who are the minority, obv). It can be a significant problem still, as surely everyone knows.

That's because they want you to err on the side of caution, in case you meet someone who wants to report a joke about genitalia.

No. It's because they want to ensure a professional, respectful working environment for all. Jokes about genitalia don't fit that, ever.
Glad I work for a decent grownup company.

@cupcaske123 In order for this to be nipped in the bud, she should go to HR as it's inappropriate in the workplace.

"Nipped in the bud"? To prevent the harm caused by... further instances of bad jokes?

You're being deliberately obtuse. I'm not sure what part of inappropriate isn't clear to you but I'll spell it out.

You don't make 'jokes' about smelly vaginas in the workplace. It has the effect of upsetting work colleagues. People go to work to do their jobs and go home. They don't want to listen to crass 'banter'. They want to be treated professionally and respectfully.

Strange to come onto a feminist forum and suggest that misogyny in the workplace is ok.

Hint: the people here will not accept your view.

Certain groups in society may feel like they don't belong if they are a minority- one person alone in a crowd. Women are a majority group in society.

The op was the only woman in this particular group.

Also, it’s perfectly possible to be a majority but still be marginalised or discriminated against.

completely inappropriate

Or replied: "You're a smelly fanny!"

Seriously - that's how guys communicate feedback. The other men probably would have laughed and the guy who made the 'joke' would have got the message.

@cupcaske123 You don't make 'jokes' about smelly vaginas in the workplace. It has the effect of upsetting work colleagues. People go to work to do their jobs and go home. They don't want to listen to crass 'banter'.

I don't believe that anyone would be upset over a joke about a smelly vagina, provided the joke is not directed at a specific person.

If this is the type of thing that keeps you awake at night, I wonder how you would have fared with the systematic abuse I endured in previous workplaces.

I can see why you stayed and put up with abuse, it's because you didn't nip it in the bud as soon as you heard it. Don't put up with disrespect from anyone, never mind the workplace and work on your assertiveness.

@cupcaske123 I can see why you stayed and put up with abuse, it's because you didn't nip it in the bud as soon as you heard it.

Well no. In one instance, it was because speaking up would sabotage future employment prospects. In the second instance, it was because of the culture of cronyism and it was clear to me that the management would always back the bully in question.

I would give everything I have to have worked in jobs where the worst thing that happened was a joke about a smelly fanny.

I'm sorry you had those experiences, no one should have to deal with that. Unfortunately women have had to put up with unacceptable behaviour for a long time to further their careers and earn a living. However, discussing smelly vaginas is inappropriate in the workplace.

I understand you had to put up with more to keep your job, but that doesn't make it acceptable behaviour. It best to nip these kinds of comments in the bud before they escalate. There's a thread at the moment on here where a young woman put up with sexual banter at work which escalated into a dick pic of a colleague. No one should have to put up with that.

I don't believe that anyone would be upset over a joke about a smelly vagina, provided the joke is not directed at a specific person.

Did you read the OP? She went home and cried.