Can you talk to your partner about your stance on women’s rights?

[Aurora791]

So just a really general question really as my partner and I are having troubles in other areas of our life and I don’t know if I’m being too hard lined on this. For context, he is your typical alpha male and in a very male dominated profession.

I raised in passing the Jane 5-live question earlier and it turned into a giant debate that has led to him essentially calling me a bigot and saying that he’s found it really offensive that I said women need safe spaces away from men because it paints them all as rapists.

Can fundamental differences in beliefs on the role and rights of women ever be overcome? According to him every conversation turns into something to do with gender, and that I’ve become a rampant feminist since having our daughter (because being a feminist is obviously an insult 🙄 ). The irony isn’t lost on me that I don’t have a safe space to talk about my beliefs around a need for safe spaces!

You unfortunately cannot communicate enough to turn a mysoginist into a decent human being op.

Unfortunately this has undertones of an abusive relationship op. Looking inwards and thinking 'if only I could find the right words to make him understand'.

There are no right words.
Because he does understand.

It's not a communication issue.

You're stuck in the cycle of trying to reach a point of normalcy with your partner. By that I mean, that partners who don't see eye to eye on a subject at least tend to be respectful of their partner and compromise with some of their views. Or like the poster above 'I'm not gender critical but I respect other womens right to feel uncomfortable in certain situations'. Something along those lines. And supportive of your feelings.

But he is intent on disparaging your thoughts, opinions...on silencing your voice.

Its not just that he doesn't agree with you. It's that he has contempt for you. You cannot change that. He's just not a nice man.

And the bare minimum a partner should be is nice.

Don't waste your life explaining views you have every right to have to a man who thinks women (hell, people) shouldn't have views that aren't the same as theirs.

Can you imagine growing old with this twat. He'll be a bitter old man and you'll be his housemaid.

Life's too short!

Yes, my husband supports me - although he sometimes thinks I'm a bit too obsessed. He thought that the sporting issues would have immediately stopped all this nonsense. He's used to me stickering when we go out :)

Yes. And it's such a huge part of my belief system that I would be very sad if I couldn't. My DH and I have very similar views on this subject, partly because we have a DD, and my DH has seen her safe spaces being eliminated little by little.

It must be awful not to have a safe space for these types of discussions, Op.

That's really good to know. What this battle has brought home to me is that people just refuse to listen to women. Keir Starmer being a case in point. Having men on board and actively doing something really helps.

My DH is pretty GC, and very anti men in women's spaces. Possibly even more so than I am. He's not really believing in changing gender, though respects that trans people can dress and call themselves what they like. But they'll always be trans, not the opposite gender. I agree with that. We do discuss it a bit but not a lot as we are pretty much in agreement.
We discuss transmen a bit more than transwomen as I have two young cousins who are saying they're men now.

Yes I can. I have to be careful not to rant though, as I do get wound up by the new wave of misogyny and DH is a kind and gentle man.

@SallyWD I said a boy. His name is still James, wears male clothes , presents male. Even if he presented as a female, It's not just hanging out is it? it's sharing a room, where they sleep, they get changed etc, take bras off etc.

You really see no issues with that?

I tend to talk to people online about it. Not so much my husband. We talk about other things at home :-)

My DH is very much on board, it doesn't take much to make him become quite eloquent, especially if the issue of "transgender children" is raised.

My DP wasn't fully aware of the GC stance but was happy to listen and now agrees with it himself

My DH's tough on gender issues and thinks no men should be given the benefit of the doubt where women's safety is concerned. He's very much of the "I know your game, buster" school of thought.

I can and do talk to DH about this. To begin with he couldn't quite believe any of it, but he's slowly come on board. What really peaked him was an article he read about the nurses and the fully intact male strutting around in the women's changing room.
Now he's verging on being a raging terf too!

Thank you for this @ArseholeCatIsABlackAndWhiteCat A young member of my family says exactly what @SallyWD said, and it has been tricky to try to explain my views. That is the danger ( put clearly to me recently thanks to this board) of focusing too much on safety.

Yes indeed, changing in front of a male, whether or not they would be considered 'harmless' would be really uncomfortable for most women or girls. I have children of both sexes and they would not have changed in front of an opposite sex sibling beyond the toddler years.
Thank you so much for putting in in such a straightforward manner.

Yes pretty much agree.

I can’t talk to my DP about it as he’s marked me as a bigot for sharing my views. Unfortunately he’s so convinced of my ‘bigotry’ and so scared to not be thought of as ‘woke’ by his woke queer-curious teens that he refuses to listen to me when I try to explain my viewpoint - I then get cross, making me resemble Nigel Farage.

Ill reserve my thoughts for people more intelligent.

My husband is equally reality-based as I am. He understands that sex is binary and that mammals cannot change sex. He knows that male humans and female humans are sexually dimorphic, and that male and female bodies and patterns of behaviour are different. He doesn't think that any males should be in women's spaces, sports, etc. He agrees that women deserve safety. He agrees that the more extreme elements of TRA beliefs are completely wrong and utterly bonkers.

However, he is also a BeeeeKind Nice Old-School Lefty, so he gets uncomfortable with anything but the most delicate discussion within limited parameters. He makes sad noises about "toxicity" and "both sides" and exhibits avoidant behaviour if I show excessive animation during conversations on this topic.

In order for him to continue BeingKind, he works very very very hard to keep himself maximally ignorant of the avalanche of utter, literal, bollocks that emits from the TRA side. In this, he is of course aided by the conspiracy of one-sided silence by all mainstream media.

I call him Upton Sinclair (and lately Sir Keir) under my breath.

DH and I broadly share the same views with a few topics that we agree to disagree on and don't discuss.

Mostly relating to religion