I went to the Tavistock as a young person - AMA

[MAW1993]

I attended the Tavistock from 2008 to 2011, beginning when I was about 15. I made this post because I saw the many questions people asked on a previous AMA. Unfortunately, the OP was uncomfortable answering some of them, and I felt there may be a need for an AMA with someone who can be more open.

This is a really horrible comment. I think the premeditated and violent murder of any child by other children would be widespread news. Please leave Brianna and her family out of this and give them the peace they deserve.

@MAW1993
I suspect you don't need this advice, but I'll give it anyway.
I'm glad to see that you are being careful not to allow anyone to identify you. You've had a couple of trolls expose themselves here, but I wouldn't be at all surprised to find that there were other still lurking, hoping that they could identify who you are (or even just where you currently work) so as to create trouble at your workplace.
I'm glad the thunderstorm was widespread as that's the kind of thing they could use to narrow down the search.
Hopefully this doesn't cause you anxiety... sorry if it does... but I suspect that you are sadly all too used to having to be guarded in your day-to-day life.

Thank you, I really appreciate it. I knew the thunderstorm was widespread as my mum messaged me about it at the time 😂

I'm aware I've given some details here but I don't currently feel worried that it is sufficient to risk identifying myself. I am used to having to be very guarded, and it is nice to be a little less so here, but I am still trying to be careful.

Oh my goodness I can’t believe what I have read here. Someone asking for the most intimate of details surrounding a sexual assault, and insulting the memory of a murdered child. That’s not to mention the posts that were deleted before I read them.

I just wanted to say that absolutely everything you have posted here has read as the truth to me OP. People just don’t have the kind of understanding you do when they are making things up. It’s also very obvious because they will post lots of details and embellish the story to gain more attention. You have only disclosed specifics in response to people’s questions and have been consistent throughout.

One more question for you, do you believe you have changed the way people think about these issues, and was that your intention by posting an AMA?

As always, lots of love to you, and I hope your uni work went well ❤️

Thank you, I must be honest that I never expected this level of kindness and understanding and it has really been quite cathartic for me. I think these interactions have influenced me, and hopefully will allow me to be kinder and less restrictive with myself in the future.

I will also admit that it is very difficult to talk openly about the incident for the first time (beyond healthcare workers and, to a more limited extent, my mother) and then have people doubt it. But I really appreciate the comments from others here to the contrary. I understand that you have to treat everything on the internet with a pinch of salt, but I have tried to be honest throughout, including on issues that I do not have the answer to.

In terms of other people, it was never my intention to change people's political views and nor did I think that was possible. Mainly, I wanted to offer people an individual's experience of sex dysphoria, and why they chose to medically transition. Most of the discussions I see (everywhere, not just here) lack that input and it results in people making assumptions that are not true for many of us. I also wanted to make it clear that there are many of us who are just as worried about the abusive behaviour of some trans people as everybody else.

Well I can certainly say you have achieved that for me 👏 👏 👏

A thanks from me too, MAW. My niece is one of the many recent female teenage transitioners and your story gives me some hope that she isn't automatically doomed to regret it.

(I do use 'him' pronouns for her in real life; using sex based ones here for clarity.)

Thank you I wish you both the best and hope the same. Regardless of a young person's decisions over the long term, I think that by being a constant source of unconditional love can help people to get through most things. If they do choose to detransition later in life, knowing that their family will be supportive and kind, and not just say 'I told you so', makes it much easier for people to begin that process.

Not to imply that would have been your response, though! I'm just speaking generally but realised I didn't make that clear enough.

God, no, I would never say "I told you so." In fact, if anything, I worry that nobody did tell her so, and that she might not know who to turn to if detransitioning.

We'll just stick to supporting her for now.

This is awful I’m so sorry. I can’t begin to imagine. Have you spoken with a trauma informed therapist? It might be beneficial for the future, as I see you intend to start having relationships after surgery. That can sometimes bring things back up in a way you aren’t expecting. I’d hate for you to be trying to be starting a new part of your life and then thrown by it.

Also I don’t think anyone here thinks you’re a liar except that odious individual.

Thank you. I saw someone at a charity but she didn't really understand me. Her intentions were good but I just found it unhelpful and dragging it all up again and again wasn't right for me. I prefer just to forget about it where possible and move on.

Sorry didn’t mean to make things worse by mentioning it again, whatever works for you I wish you the best

No don't worry, I wasn't trying to have a go and I appreciate the support. It bothers me less here because I am anonymous and I can write it instead of saying it. In person it is very hard. If I go to a healthcare appointment I bring a piece of paper with it written down just in case they need to be informed.

OP do you think it'd ever be possible to have a trans group similar to Stonewall but for people who reject gender ideology and are open about having sex dysphoria? It's really refreshing to hear you talk plainly and to me it highlights how much bullshit there is to cut through before we can get to the incredibly serious issues that actually matter.

I feel it might be more constructive to be able to campaign on anything knowing your peers aren't waiting for you to accidentally use the word "woman" to mean "female" and start the cancellation process... or would the fallout be too much?

I'm a bit confused by this, who are you talking about here? It's a bit random.

Which organisations do you mean, here? And which rights?

To MAW, whose post was directly above mine, and who advised us never to say 'I told you so.' Maybe the posts are jumping order on some devices.

I think it is unlikely. For the most part, the kind of people who hold those views are also the kind who don't want to be an activist or the centre of attention.

Organisations such as SEGM and Our Duty. The right to choose medical transition.

As you aren’t invading men’s spaces or enabling men to invade women’s, even as a highly gender critical person I don’t have any issue with you.

But can’t deny that my heart is broken for the vulnerable young gay girl you once were. I also can’t begin to imagine the suffering you went through as a young adult and reading the details of that made me sick to my stomach.

Please remember that even those of us who don’t agree that drugs and surgery were the right was to address your dysmorphia still want you to be safe from sexual violence and any other kind of harm. We just also wish you had been given the proper treatment necessary to help you cope with your problem without taking these steps.

Can I ask your opinion on the new guidance that has come out about single sex wards in the NHS? My understanding is that all trans people, even cross dressing men, will be given their own side room. Seems like a privilege to me and yet there are people calling it segregation. People are also moaning there won’t be enough rooms so in those cases transwomen will go on male wards and transmen on female wards. I’d have thought that as someone scared of males due to previous rape, and who also presumably must have spent quite a lot of time recovering on female gynecology wards that you’d have good insight in all that.

I am fairly GC but I find this post offensive. It is none of your business how @MAW1993 chooses to alleviate his gender dysphoria, so long as it doesn't cause ill effects for women and girls in the area of single sex spaces. The Cass report is clear that there is a small group of people who are unhappy with their sex from a very early age, and for whom surgical transition is the best answer. OP has been very clear on his history. Why can't you accept that? He accepts he was born female, remains biologically female, but life is much better for him as a man.

'The Cass report is clear that there is a small group of people who are unhappy with their sex from a very early age, and for whom surgical transition is the best answer.'

Where is this stated in the Cass Review, please?

I thought a lot about your comment and you’re right. I shouldn’t have made a comment on OPs decisions or life.

What I meant to do was to show that even those of us with very serious concerns about transition and the wellbeing of young people still want to see transitioned/transgender people safe and loved.

I fear that people like OP might see those of us with these kinds of views as wanting to attack them and think that we are happy to see harm come upon them. I wanted to make it clear that I wish OP only the best even though I have concerns about the use of hormones and surgeries in young people questioning their gender. But I shouldn’t have made comments about OPs life in order to do that.

Thank you for sharing your wisdom @SqueakyDinosaur and @MAW1993 I apologise for those parts that I did say. I have incredible respect for you and I actually linked to your thread for a parent with a gender questioning child because I think your advice was so meaningful and valuable. The last thing I meant to do was to disrespect you, and I’m very sorry that my comment has done that.

Hi OP. I commented on your thread a little while ago and have been catching up recently. Firstly I’m sorry to see you’ve had to answer further unpleasant and intrusive insinuations.

May I ask a question that hopefully might be less so? You’ve spoken about how your family supported you and that’s been interesting and helpful to me as the mother of a young trans man. While we as his parents and his wider family are very supportive of his journey I do struggle to use ‘he/him’ pronouns in real life. I’m using them here to be respectful in this space. I think it’s because it feels to me like I’m losing the daughter I remember. I know I need to get better at this and will do with time.

It would be interesting to me to hear how your family were with this, and how it felt to you if they didn’t use the right pronouns for you? Obviously I can, and have asked my child, and probably should discuss this again. However he struggles to communicate feelings sometimes and js by nature not confrontational so doesn’t tend to raise it - which I think means I’ve been doing it for longer!

Sorry for the long post, and I hope what I’m asking makes sense. I think I’m hoping that hearing your experience will prod me along the way to changing this!