So depressing but so predictable

[pastypirate]

My local aldi has a part time security guard. Until a couple of weeks ago it's been a man. No one bothered him that I'd noticed beyond a quick hello and a smile as he used to work in the big supermarket and he is known to many where I live. It seemed like a normal level of interaction. Never did I see him being talked at by random men.

They have now employed a lady who I would guess is under 30 and quite glam. Dd2 who is all about hair and make up has been busy admiring her hair style and whatnot from a distance.

As you can imagine this lady is talked at at length by men one after the other most of the time. I do a big shop so I'm waiting in line for a cashier often and have time to observe. The droning at her was so bad once I thought about asking the cashier to intervene.
She gives the barest minimal responses to these random men without being rude. I feel for her I really do. There's so much more to put up with doing a job like that then just proving a woman is able.

This is so predictable isn't it. I've just come home and told dd1 who replied 'I bet they mansplain how to do her job as well' I bet they do. Sigh. It's just so depressing.

Yes and you’re absolutely right, the assumption that she is interested in what they want to drone about and that she isn’t busy is insulting and I would find it irritating to watch too. She can’t walk away either and we all know men love an easy target.

I used to be massively patient with such people- sometimes women do it too- until I realised they only do it to women. Whether they are complimenting you or boring you, interesting or needy, you have been chosen as a female, definition someone who will stand and listen and indulge a random out of politeness and lack of anything important to do.

Once I realised the implication that as a female I had nothing better to do I got really irritated with it all.

Given you’re the one seeing her body language each time, you’re in a better position than anyone else on this board to make an educated guess at her feelings based on her reaction.

@RawBloomers think the most minimal possible responses paired with no eye contact and a glazed look on her face. I could hear the conversation too.
Man - blah blah blah!!!
Security guard - oh ok
Man - but blah blah blah blah blah!
Security guard - yeh
Man - blah blah blah blah
Security guard - oh right

She'll be well trained, probably to SIA standards and will be able to handle herself.
I agree it's women who are mostly seen as targets for casual conversation, though not just by men. The women on the tills like to talk at length to the female customers as well, and I don't think they do it to the men as much.

Men looove to be heard by younger women. Think it makes them feel important

It would be different if they did the same with other men.

Yep in normal circumstances when a creepy man is trying to talk to you you can ignore them and make it obvious you don’t want to talk to them, what is awful about this situation is you can’t do that in a customer service as she’ll be worried about keeping her job. Men like this can be vindictive and they know she’s in a position where she has to be polite.

Don't encourage them!!!

@MissLou0 I imagine you're right but how outrageous. Her job is store security not pandering to creeps!

@pastypirate

I worked in a pub when I was eighteen and dealt with this kind of behaviour all the time and I remember how annoying it was even though it was fifteen years ago! You are afraid of losing your job so you have to be friendly even when it’s dealing with very creepy men in normal circumstances you’d completely avoid.

Oh god bet they're so much worse when drinking/drunk. I always avoided working in pubs because of this

This!! Exactly this. I have called it forced interaction for a while. I was looking at the sexual violence pyramid. It's not on there but it's part of the wider spectrum of harassment imo.

As OP pointed out, she’s not encouraging it. She gives the barest minimal responses to these random men without being rude

Yes, as someone who has when younger both worked as a barmaid and in a supermarket i can say it is 98% of the time men that do this and it is creepy as fuck.

It is always men who ask :
what time do you finish
are you going out after
do you have a boyfriend
smile
cheer up
or comment on appearance

And they do it because you are a woman and if you are at work you are in a position where you have to feign politeness. If you don't believe this is calculated, your lucky to never have been in a position to have to try to hide in your own place of work to get away from men who seem to enjoy making you uncomfortable - - and it must be this, as anyone with the self awareness of a fucking potato can see that it is completely one sided

Some people are arguing at tangents here. We don’t know what this individual woman thinks - maybe she loves attention from random strangers in the supermarket (I mean … maybe ..?). But the point is this is not happening based on whether or not she likes it. It’s happening to her because she’s a woman and it would happen to any woman in her role. Her job is fundamentally different to a man doing that role because in addition to her proper duties, she has to manage these men all day. Most women do not want that.

PPs are saying she can shut them down if she doesn’t want them to talk to her. I don’t think it’s that easy. Men get offended and can become difficult or even aggressive when women don’t respond as they want, and it sounds like she has to cope with this constantly in an environment in which she’s an employee and they’re a customer. This is really hard!

This is a very clear and obviously example of everyday sexism, and one of the endless ways in which life is harder for women than for men.

I’m 100% with you @pastypirate and I was dismayed at your first reply.

So depressing.

So I've had to bring something similar up with someone today funnily enough. A man I know in his 70s said he buys chocolates for women at Tesco who help him. He talks to them a lot. I said what do you buy the male staff members who help you? (And there are a few) and he looked confused.
I said you should treat them equally otherwise it gives the wrong message.

and it must be this, as anyone with the self awareness of a fucking potato can see that it is completely one sided

It's posts like this that assure me I'm not losing my mind!!!

This - thank you

I have these conversations with the dds often as I don't want them thinking this is something they have to accept.

God that's worse in some ways. Does he think the chocolates are in exchange for him being able to talk at them!

It really is. When I first saw her I thought ah great good for aldi and it was nice for dd2 to see a woman in that role for a change. And then dd2 quickly observed if you do that role and are female it comes with different issues. Sigh.