So depressing but so predictable

[pastypirate]

My local aldi has a part time security guard. Until a couple of weeks ago it's been a man. No one bothered him that I'd noticed beyond a quick hello and a smile as he used to work in the big supermarket and he is known to many where I live. It seemed like a normal level of interaction. Never did I see him being talked at by random men.

They have now employed a lady who I would guess is under 30 and quite glam. Dd2 who is all about hair and make up has been busy admiring her hair style and whatnot from a distance.

As you can imagine this lady is talked at at length by men one after the other most of the time. I do a big shop so I'm waiting in line for a cashier often and have time to observe. The droning at her was so bad once I thought about asking the cashier to intervene.
She gives the barest minimal responses to these random men without being rude. I feel for her I really do. There's so much more to put up with doing a job like that then just proving a woman is able.

This is so predictable isn't it. I've just come home and told dd1 who replied 'I bet they mansplain how to do her job as well' I bet they do. Sigh. It's just so depressing.

So the OP should leave the woman alone, but men shouldn't? What?

She'd be sad if no man found her attractive?

Wow yes because every woman aspires to be random man in a supermarket's pretty dolly.

Or maybe she finds her self esteem elsewhere and doesn't require validation based on her looks from men.

Remember that article that went round a few years back, about a chap who was keeping an eye on a female colleague's inbox while she was on holiday, and didn't understand why clients were being so belligerent with him until he twigged he'd been using her email address? And then as soon as he switched to his own email, the clients were respectful and easy to work with again, as if by magic?

Yeah. That.

Well groomed woman at work attracts random lonely men to talk at her. Obviously she’s not seen as being at work- or at least her work includes listening to lonely men. Which, I think the checkout staff are expected to do, to be fair.

Man doing the same job is left alone.

I wonder whether she has a positive impact while doing the job slightly differently.
Scary guy- people make sure he isn’t looking while they nick stuff but feel no shame.
Nice lady- people nick less because they don’t want to make her dislike them. <muses>

My nephews lived in great fear o my ‘disappointed’ face. They had no fear of their parents’ bellowing at all.

On a similar note I just recall dp story about 'the pub bore'
Dp takes dd2 out for tea at a local pub once a week because it's v close to her activity and goes every week. When they are there it's fairly quiet as it's about 5pm. Week after week he described a lone man who would sit at the bar talking loudly at the bar server (young woman). Dp said it was very cringey as the server was giving the most minimal responses she could and trying not to engage. The main topic he wished to lecture her about was golf apparently. This went on week after week.

He came back one week and announced that Pub Bore was completely silent. The bar server was male that day.

I've noticed some creepy bloke hanging around one of the cashiers at my local Sainsbury's. She's quite young so I made a point of asking her if she was OK and if he was bothering her. It's important young women know that the unwanted attention is seen by others and that we've got her back.

This.

You keep calling this woman 'A Lady''

She's a woman. Doing a job.

Well why didn't he tell the pub bore to STFU rather than observing and relating back to you?

As I say to any bloke that relays such a tale.

'If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem'

1. A person's not "asking for it" if they dress/ do hair etc in a certain way
2. The assumed default position from some that she obviously wanted attention and should be grateful she got it as not getting their attention is worse - SMH

I agree. You don't need to feel sorry for her. And she might like the attention, plenty of us do.

@Tetsuo how is that judging her exactly?

@Justfinking you like attention from creepy old men?

Not creepy ones, good looking ones are welcome

@Justfinking they make up a tiny proportion..

Cringey men being paying customers of course and I’m sure she’s capable of speaking up for herself , being as she’s a security guard, if she sees any interaction inappropriate.

This feels like a lot of strange responses for a thread in the feminist section.

Op's description is everyday feminism that virtually all women have experienced. The trouble is the security guards job means it's so visible and cringe because she is experiencing so much of it every day. The behaviour is damaging as it undermines her and makes her job so much harder for her.

I have a feeling a lot of these comments are from men who are anti-feminists. They probably don't understand and don't want to understand these challenges that most women have experienced. And that this security guard is experiencing on a much bigger scale.

Thisthreadonly well I’m not a man and as for being “damaging”, god help her if she has to face some professional shoplifting yobs.

Ultimately if she feels all these cringey men are undermining her ability to stand there then she if free to do something else. And as for a challenging role , spend a day with me, mind you’ll have to be on duty by 6:30 and you won’t get home until 8 oh and you may get time to take a pee or grab a sarni, if you’re lucky.

Please, she’s a security guard in a Aldi Supermarket, she’s not on the Ukraine front line.

So, wait, we’re only allowed to object to men’s entitled behaviour if it puts us at risk of life and limb? If it’s the hardest job any woman does?

I don’t think so. Men’s entitled behaviour is an issue for women who are trying to get on with their work, when the job description doesn’t include chatting with random customers.

I think we all know the women customers might be smiling and saying hello as they pass. It’s the men standing and trying to chat as she attempts to politely ignore them.

Is it not also really distracting for her? She’s trying to look at customers and what they’re doing and all these men come along and divert her attention?

So....put up and shut up then.

Seriously some of the replies on this thread terrify me.

Exactly this.

Maybe it’s a distraction technique- one man yacks away to her about his shed clearout while man 2 stuffs a Colin the Caterpillar up his jumper.

Seriously though, men wouldn’t chit chat to a male security guard in the same way so yes there is a degree of sexism going on here. Probably best not to assume how she feels about it though.

I mean not assuming how she feels about it is a fair point. But my point was about the entitlement of men to talk at females in a way they don't with other men.