Do you carry a rape alarm?

[Superlambaanana]

Had written a long post about male responsibility but accidentally touched the screen and slid it away so lost it and haven't the energy to rewrite. Basically... i hate men and the fact rape is essentially legal....

I was frightened by a man when out walking earlier and now want to get something legal I can carry for when i'm out walking at night.

Read a review of a rape alarm by a woman who let hers off and it was ignored. People maybe thought it was a car or building alarm.

I used to push a key through a clenched fist when i was a student but don't have a bunch of keys these days.

So what else is there that we can carry that would be effective if attacked by a strange man?

I just read that mace is illegal here. I carried it in the US but never had to use it. It would make me feel better though.

I don’t these days as I don’t go many places on foot that I feel unsafe anymore. But I’ve had a couple in the past, one that you pulled out a pin and it went off a few times accidentally, no one gave a fuck. I had another which was pressurised air, the point was that it will hurt if you fire it next to someone’s ear. I never had a need to use it but I felt safer with that as didn’t rely on others helping. They say you should shout fire as people pay more attention, how true that is I don’t know.

I used to carry one. It went off accidentally in the middle of Kings Cross Station once, and got plenty of attention from both the general public and the transport police - although only the latter actually came over to investigate.

It was also bloody loud, so should at least startle an attacker into a brief pause even if nobody else does anything.

You can call 888 and chat to someone while walking anywhere at night. They will track your geolocation. Less chance of being attacked then.

Carry a walking stick.

I'm sorry you hate half the population of the world. Must feel rubbish.

I hadn't heard of the 888 number, so googled it, and it doesn't seem to be operational any more
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/888-womens-emergency-phoneline-priti-patel-sarah-everard-binned-bt_uk_642d2ffae4b02a8d5191a928

Anecdotally I remember hearing that shouting "fire!" would get more help than just "help!". Obviously not if no-one's around though.

No, not once in over five decades have I felt the need to have a rape alarm.

Men, including complete strangers have at times come to my assistance and helped me.

Oh. No! That is awful, I don’t go out often but had used it.

I’m sorry you feel so afraid of going out - in what way did the man today make you feel unsafe?

I sometimes would carry a pointy umbrella, it's short so can hold in my hand. But keys in my fist always felt best and the one I could do a bit of damage with if needed. I actually had a dummy set so I didn't lose my real ones when I was younger and didn't drive but I still use this now when in dark car parks etc

You are very lucky and I would say the exception not the rule. I'm glad you've never had that fear and situation, it stays with you

Sorry to hear you've had an incident

I've got one but yes, it's possible people will think it's a building or car alarm.

I think of it as more useful to attract attention on public transport rather than an isolated area. It is incredibly loud though so might put them off just for that?

You could have earbuds in and talk, then people will think you're talking to someone?

I've got a couple of evening things I'd like to go to this week which are walking distance but I don't feel happy about the walk, so it's either take a cab or don't go. It's depressing. I know the stats are that women are most likely to be attacked by a partner but it still puts me off.

Thanks all. Seems the alarms aren't much use then.

To the person who asked what made me feel afraid- well, possibly the fact that less than 1% if rapists are convicted is enough to make any woman afraid. But tonight a man crossed the road, walked behind me for a couple of hundred yards, speeding up when I did. Then eventually turned and went in the opposite direction. There was no one else around and I was terrified. So scared it didn't occur to me to pretend to be talking to someone- or even to get the phone out to make a call. I just speed walked in a panic. Is that good enough for you?

I don't hate men. But i do hate that the onus is on women to take precautions when it's men doing the attacking and intimidating, in full knowledge there is so little chance of being stopped or prosecuted.

OP I wouldn't get the phone out, in that situation. But if you touch your ear and start talking, it can give the impression of a bluetooth device.

Whether or not an alarm is useful is up for debate. Mine flashes a light as well so if there was any chance of alerting a passing driver, there's that.

I agree, it's incredibly depressing to have to give this so much thought.

The other thing I've done is stopped dead, said "shit" very loudly and rushed off back in the direction I was originally coming from, as if I've forgotten something and heading back to a busy road, but my walk has a particular bit that's problematic so I can rush to the busy road.

I gather this is legal, along with hairspray, deodorant, etc but I don't carry anything that might be used against me. You might feel differently though.

https://www.farbgel.com/

@EmmaEmerald thank you! I think i will order this spray in the morning. I don't want to carry any kind of weapon but this looks like a good compromise. God only knows if I'd actually be able to use it properly in a crisis situation but it might make me feel slightly safer at least.

There's a cheaper version here
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/cart/view.html?ref_=nav_cart

If you do get an alarm, get one with flashing lights.

It's also useful if you have other concerns, eg mugging or general aggression. My ex was coming off a shift at 4am, used the night Tube and then got approached very aggressively by dealers on the short walk home.

I think even if nobody comes to help when you sound an alarm, no would be rapist is going to hang around and find out if there is a huge siren going off.
Not that I've ever had one - they used to give them out when I was at university but I never felt the need.

Personal safety training is more effective. I bought an alarm when I moved back to UK(most other places I lived just felt safer) but stopped using it. I can out run most of thr people in my area😂(retirement homes abound).
When coming home late though I feel safer:
Carrying heavy metal water bottle I could throw
Bright torch to shine in eyes
Hair tied up/under hat(less to grab)
staying very aware and looking around if I hear footsteps

It takes time to do but I really recommend learning some martial arts techniques, particularly ones that don't require you to carry an actual object/weapon and don't require you to be bigger or stronger than your attacker.

Examples include karate, wing chun kung fu, judo. There are lots of martial arts clubs around, they usually offer the first lesson free and each one has its own vibe, so try out different ones and see what works for you.

You might prefer a women-only club and those are great, but for what it's worth I have found training with men to be very useful as it's only ever been men who have tried to attack me, so it's an opportunity to practice these techniques on men.

Perhaps a whistle? A long, hard blast in someone's ear would certainly cause them pain. Obviously only to be used if you're in trouble.

Perfume, deodorant, hairspray, or squirtable handgel

Keys, waterbottle, rolled up magazine, your handbag itself (<- this had not occurred to me before but mine is stuffed so full it’s like a fecking brick)

on that note - my lovely brick (if you have one & bag big enough 🤣)

I also have rape alarms too but very rarely go anywhere alone that isn’t in car/carpark close to where I need to go

My fear of men is directly caused by a) being raped and b) being approached by random men who saw film of said rapes and think that makes me ‘fair game’

Oh and c) practically non-existent punishment of rape so giving the greenlight to men to work away cos little to know consequences

And if men want me to rethink how I feel about them then it’s on them to stop raping and stop making excuses for other men that rape and to start putting the fuckers in jail

Martial arts didn’t work for me but a self-defence class which looked at different aspects of safety alongside avoidance of or response to physical threat did help a bit

And, randomly, singing lessons, bc of an inability to speak when threatened, helped with how to unlock my voice when scared

It is so debilitating being scared so I try to keep learning/trying new things bc having a variety to hand helps

@DaisysChains I'm so sorry that you have actually experienced an attack by a man. It is horrendous in this day and age that we're still having to fear this, that it's still happening, and wore still that some people - men and women - are in denial about it being an issue.

I'm tempted to carry a weapon of some sort, but won't. It could be used against me. I'm not confident that I could properly use or weld or swing something in the midst of an attack. And I am law abiding so don't want to wilfully break the law, even for self defence.

Personal self defence training is a good idea though. Thanks all.

I carry pepper spray in my bag.

Though I rarely go out without DH these days.

The overwhelming majority of rapes are carried out by men who the woman knows and trusts, most likely a partner or ex partner. The 'perfect victim' rapes (stranger down a back alley etc) very rarely happen

Not saying stranger danger isn't real but the sad fact is that women are much more at risk from men they know than men they don't