School uniform inspection?

[Madwife123]

Reposting here as I don’t think the posters in AIBU are understanding the question I’m trying to ask and that this isn’t about the skirt length or otherwise but the appropriateness of an adult asking a child to lift their clothing in public. Can I have some opinions on what you would do please?

DD aged 11 has just started high school.

The school is very strict on uniform which we knew. She has the problem of being tall and slim so when shopping for skirts, all the one’s that came to her knees were falling down on her, even with an adjustable waist. No option for the girls to wear trousers at the school. Skirt is the school patterned one, doesn’t come in different lengths and can’t just get any skirt as has to be a particular one. So the skirt she ended up with is a tiny bit too short. I’ve measured and it’s 1.5 cm above the top of her knee. She has thick opaque black tights with the skirt.

She was stopped by a teacher in the corridor at school and told her skirt is too short and to roll it down. She explained it wasn’t rolled up and the teacher told her to lift her jumper up so she could see her waistband and prove it wasn’t rolled up. This was in front of other pupils.

This really doesn’t sit right with me and I’m considering making a complaint but wanted to know if I’m overreacting.

I know she had a shirt on under her jumper but even so I just don’t think it’s ok that an adult can ask a child to lift an item of clothing, particularly in front of others. Are we not supposed to be teaching our daughters bodily autonomy? That no one has the right to ask them to undress in any way, no matter how small without their consent? She feels embarrassed and humiliated and is really upset by this and I just can’t understand how this can be deemed acceptable.

Would this bother you if it was your child?

I don't see how lifting up an outer layer is inappropriate, humiliating or anything else. Surely your DD would have felt eager to do so in a "fuck you, it's not rolled up!" way?!

Personally I would not be sweating this...I certainly wouldn't be buying longer skirts and adjusting the waist...there should be uniform available for different shapes and sizes.

Actually pissing myself at your use of language 🤣🤣 so the teacher was ‘forcing your child to undress’ by asking to look at their waistband after you put her in the wrong skirt 🤣🤣 fyi I had the opposite problem. My dd started secondary wearing age 7/8 clothes (I’m well under 5ft and her dads 5,4 so our poor kids have no chance). I bought the closest size possible and had everything altered. It only cost a couple pounds per garment. Get an actual grip and a life, I can’t believe you’re still banging on about your child having to lift their jumper slightly when they had more layers underneath 🙄

Why not tell turn your daughter is now a son? Then she can wear the trousers.

I just remembered last year (all girls school) that someone in my DD’s form was accused of having a vape. All the girls were made to line up, take off their coats and blazers and empty their pockets and their school bags. What on earth would you have done then? 😂

@RancidOldHag I didn’t say it was a girls school? It’s a state mixed sex school.

When I say the skirt is logoed I mean it’s not an every day one you can pick up at Asda. It has a pale blue piped trim to it (colour depends on what school house you are placed in) so it has to be from the specific supplier (one of 2 but still the exact same skirt).

Wow you're getting some harsh responses on here OP! I sympathise with the uniform issue as my son is very tall for his age and I too have trouble finding uniform that fits. I also get a lot of "buy the longer ones and have them taken in" advice but a) that's very costly, and b) it doesn't always work. Depending on the design of the skirt it could look awful after being taken in.

I'm a secondary school teacher and would never ask a girl or a boy to lift their jumper to reveal their waistband. A lot of the posters on this thread are disregarding how self conscious teenagers are about their bodies and this could make them feel really uncomfortable. Who stops someone for having a skirt that's 1.5.cm too short anyway?! If her bum was hanging out then I may question it, but not for 1.5cm ffs.

Your update gives me an idea.

Send an email to the suppliers advising them your daughters situation and ask them to identify a solution.

Depending on the responses forward to school and advise their decision to limit the suppliers has impact.

If her skirt is too short and uniform insoections are routine for reasons of students rolling their waist bands, you should have discussed this with your daughter and perhaps the school so that her skirt would be guven an exception.

I can see that I am overreacting here. As I said I appreciate my views may be distorted by my experiences hence I asked first. To those that kindly explained that thank you.

To those that chose to make nasty comments because I worried about this, didn’t want my sensitive autistic child upset, worried about the message this is sending to an already vulnerable child that I am desperately trying to protect as I know how bad the world can be. Does it make you feel better to treat someone like that? Take a look at yourself!

I am surprised at some of the replies you've had on here, although I don't think teachers should be doing uniform inspections anyway. Also, schools in my area have stopped specifying logo skirts due to the new government guidance that logo items should be kept to a minimum and uniform should be cheap and easily available.
When dd2 was at this type of school the supplier had lots of different skirt waist and length sizes, though they also specified min. 40 denier tights so they weren't too strict on skirt length anyway.
I'd ask the school what you are supposed to do about skirt length, and let them know how embarrassed your dd was being singled out.

You're not protecting your DC though, that's the thing. You're getting anxious and therefore making them anxious that there is nefarious intent where there is none.

So posters aren't just being mean, they are responding to what you said. Which you agree is an overreaction.

And your DC is more likely to be impacted by your life experiences and anxieties than by any outside influence.

Who should be trying to enforce or encourage school uniform conforming then if not teachers?

An outside agency?

I don't think what the teacher did was wrong.
Although singling a child out and embarrassing them is harsh when they hadn't actually done anything wrong.
The problem is with the uniform. It doesn't deliver the right combination of fit and length for your DD - and probably others too.
Personally, that's the angle I would approach from.
Teacher was doing their job.
The uniform is not universally fit for purpose. Can the school address that so that girls aren't humiliated in future by not meeting the requirements simply because they're the 'wrong' shape?

You should 100% give feedback that a uniform policy that doesn’t allow girls the option of trousers belongs firmly in the past, that having to get a skirt with a logo is against general guidance on uniform and restricts the ability of parents to affordably and easily purchase items that comply with the policy and that enforcing strict skirt lengths is causing additional expense for parents during a cost of living crisis as a skirt the right length in September will often be a little short by later in the school year.

I think the policy is stupid but it’s not the fault of the staff enforcing it and complaining that they did is (at least to my mind) addressing the wrong thing

To answer your questions, what would bother me was that I'd knowingly sent my sensitive child into school in a skirt that breached the rules. What I'd do is buy the bigger size and have the waistband altered. I'd also invite the school to consider allowing trousers.

A mixed sex state school that doesn't let girls wear trousers?

This still isn't an issue, just buy her the right length skirt and tale it in for her and you will avoid her being g checked in future anyway. I'd be more concerned at a school these days having no trousers option for girls.

Bit of a drip feed OP. You are now an abused survivor, now your DD is autistic- anything else you omitted from the OP?

Ask the school why girls can't wear trousers.

@MeriCatfished no teachers are the ones to enforce it if anyone is, I just don't like the type of schools that make a big thing of uniform inspections. I'm sure teachers have better things to do and if I was a teacher I'd turn a blind eye unless there was someone wearing something obviously wrong.

@SM4713 Drip feed? It’s in the second post if you bothered to read what I wrote but to be honest it wasn’t relevant. The teacher who stopped my daughter isn’t one of her teachers so would have no clue she’s autistic so it’s irrelevant to the matter. I mentioned it when asked why she is particularly sensitive about this. I mentioned my own experience when asked why I felt like I do. I answered questions. That’s not a drip feed.

Well I guess a lot of women on here are abuse survivors if the statistics are to be believed and so they along with everyone else still thinks you are being utterly unreasonable

Btw I bet Amazon sell needle and thread and you'll be able to put a tuck in somewhere to help keep the longer skirts in place

OP- Have you honestly expected people to search for your previous post- about the VERY SAME question and also read that??? I only read this post and yes- it was a drip feed with you adding a bit more with each response.

I'm sorry you DD felt uncomfortable. You haven't bothered to answer any of the logical responses people have suggested and I can only assume YOU are feeling guilty for buying a uniform that YOU admit is too short. Would you have preferred they took her someone private to check the waist band? A toilet perhaps which would seem even more sinister. Why haven't you taken this up with the school why girls can't wear trousers???

Then they're exceedingly unusual in not permitting girls to wear trousers (which I think you said). To the extent that I'm not even sure that's allowed.

I didn't see your other thread. My dd goes to a school with similar uniform rules and I wouldn't have an issue with this, mainly because all the girls seem to roll their skirts up. Perhaps the hem could be let down or a bigger skirt could be adjusted at the waist.

Buy a bigger skirt that's long enough and alter the waist to fit. My dd is almost 6 foot 2. Her clothing needs a lot of altering - I have never sent her in flouting uniform rules.